On the way home.....

....on Friday evening....the sky was so amazing....and the sea was flat calm so it was hard to pick out the horizon. This is looking due north....
And this is looking directly west.......

More eye photo-art

If the eyes are the windows to the soul I wonder what mine say....
Sad.

Goodbye

Tears stream down your face.......
When you lose something you cannot replace.....
Tears stream down your face.......and I.....will fix you.

This morning

Lying, drifting,
So close to sleep,
Yet unable to surrender.
Smiling, my head on your shoulder,
You sleep so soundly.
The beat of your heart
Lulling me and yet
Anchoring me in wakefulness.
The rise and fall of your chest
Rocks me gently and
Your breath in my hair
Sighs a lullaby.
I look up and kiss your chin lightly and
Your arm around my shoulder
Squeezes gently, unconscious assurance
That all is well, that I am safe,
Silently requesting that I stay.
I know I will not find sleep like this
But my fingers move across your chest
Feathering a silent but conscious assurance,
“I’m not going anywhere.”
We sigh in unison.
I smile and begin to drift again.

When my mind finally half-rouses and
I open my eyes to blink in the shade-filtered dawn
I am still floating in my dream-memory.
I swear I can feel your heartbeat, your breath, your touch,
Smell the warmth of your sleeping skin.
So I close my eyes to deny the start of the day
And linger with you a while longer.

43. Seriously?

Wednesday marked my 43rd birthday. Damn. What on earth happened? Where did all that time go??? In the picture above I am 4 or 5 and my brother and I have invaded my parent's bed on Christmas morning to open our stockings (which, for as long as I can remember, always had a tangerine in the toe!)
The picture below was taken at a friend's wedding last summer. Nearly 40 years later and I still have the same smile! Although thankfully I have finally perfected the art of keeping my mouth closed when smiling. At 4/5 it is only open a little bit...but my word, through my teens, 20's and 30's I smiled with my mouth wide open as if I was at the dentist saying 'Aaaaaaahhhhh...' whilst he told a really funny joke. Seriously, you would think by looking at those photos that every single moment was just pure 'YAAAYYYYYY!'
Maybe it was.
This year, with my birthday falling mid-week...and let's face it, what's to celebrate about 43?....I agreed to babysit Lucas for Jill.
He was my hot birthday date. We had a blast, wined and dined (read: pizza and apple juice), had some great conversation (about how Eli had hit him at pre-school and didn't that make Eli a bad boy who would be in BIG trouble with his mummy and daddy?), we read poetry (well, Dr. Seuss 'Oh the Places You'll Go'), and after a good night kiss........
......he crashed. Typical date really.
Eventually I took myself off home (i.e. once mummy came home) where I put on the Roxy slipper booties that Cindy gave me for my birthday. Even though it's like 75F right now. But there's something magical about them, you feel girlie, and cuddly and they are so soft you want to pet them. And with shorts they're pretty sexy!!

What a lucky girl I am!

I spent yesterday grinning from ear to ear. Despite doing boring, mucky house chores all day I was the proverbial Cheshire cat.
Why?
Because of this man....
Hot hot hot!! And handsome, and funny, and smart, and sexy, and sweet! The most wonderful man in the world. And I am lucky, lucky, lucky!
I told him that for some reason this is one of my favourite photographs of him in uniform, I don't really know why...he says he looks like a "rat-bag"....No way!
Yesterday morning we got to have a lovely long talk on the phone and frankly, you might as well just go ahead and sprinkle me with fairy dust!
Sure we have email, and that daily contact is lovely, but there is nothing like an actual conversation, the interaction, the sound of his voice, his laugh.
To think that I just might be able to see him in two weeks....only TWO WEEKS!....even if it's just for a few days....even if it means flying to Atlanta....even if he'll be busy with army stuff during the day...still, to be with him again....just the thought makes me dizzy and giddy and swoony with joy.Because, if not Atlanta.....then there's nothing for sure until April 2010....and I don't think I could stand that.
I can hear you saying 'Lucky? Doesn't seem so lucky to me!'
Well, that's just how wonderfully special this man is. A telephone call from him lights up my whole world and sets the butterflies a-flutter. Every. Single. Time.
And I'm lucky simply to ever have met him.

Just another Sunday dinner at Minton...

Not that we ever need a reason to have a big dinner at Minton...in fact it's fairly commonplace...but we do seem to like pretending that there's a particular reason. This past Sunday it was in John's honour. He has been back in Bermuda for the past month visiting his sister and her new baby, Robin. Since he left his wife behind in Scotland and has therefore been footloose and fancy free, he has spent a fair amount of time at Bruce's. Afterall there is always something going on, a laugh and a drink (or ten) to be had, and it's never been a favourite with the wives...probably something to do with the ever-flowing booze!
Well, John is returning to Bonnie Scotland on Thursday so we just HAD to have a big roast dinner! Lamb with roast potatoes, parsnips, onions and squash, brocolli and cauliflower with my 'spashal' cheese sauce, brussel sprouts and homemade gravy. DELISH!!
As it turns out Bobby is heading back to San Diego on Saturday, giving us two reasons to celebrate...uh...hang on...not celebrate exactly. More like...um...oh, you know what I mean!
And then Lecia announced that the day was the three year anniversary of her arrival on the island. So, yes, celebration is the right word there. Until we realised that, given Bermuda's six year limit on work permits, we were actually marking the half way point of Lecia's Bermuda career. Hmmmm. Oh well, we drank and made merry anyway!!
Unfortunately I was the only person working the next day so I had to remain relatively sober, but the others? Noooooo. Full on, as we say in Bermy.
Now Shona, the beautiful dog above, is ball-mad and spends all her time attempting to draw you in to a game of catch, or kick, or anything. Here she is having dropped her ball on Bobby's temporarily vacant chair and is looking from Lecia to the ball, the ball to Lecia, and repeat ad nauseum, while Lecia groans and says no, repeatedly ad nauseum.
Well, it never takes long for Bruce to come up with something new and different to torture me with and in his infinite drunken wisdom decided it would be fun to see if we could get Shona to take the ball off my head. Right. Can you see her in the bottom right corner...eagerly watching where her precious ball is? Can you see those teeth?
It took her a few tries to figure out what she had to do....launch herself at my head, using the back of the chair as a touch point, and snatch the ball back with whatever force necessary. That ball would be hers once more, never fear!
Well, dear John was taking the photos and there are tons, all a variation of the theme above, with Shona poised in mid strike, and me cringing. But the time when she actually did it? That last time when her fangs scraped across my scalp as she scoopped up the ball as well as a wad of my hair? That moment when her jaws enveloped my head and I screamed and pooped my pants?
Nada. No click. No flash. Nothing. Zip. Zilch.
What a waste of newly highlighted hair and clean knickers.

Since I'm lazy...

I heard a song today for the first time in ages, an oldie that I love!
R E O Speedwagon....

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

A love story....

Once upon a time there was a man, we’ll call him John, who picked up his life in England and embarked on a new life in Bermuda. This was 1961 and he left behind the love of his life, not knowing if she would commit to the move herself. He was a teacher, a good one, and later became Headmaster of one of the local schools.
To put you out of your misery (being a love story and all) of course she joined him…and we’ll call her Jane.
They married, set up home, and raised two beautiful and wonderful children.
‘Jane’ was also a teacher and she was superb, one of the best loved teachers at the school.
In 1992 ‘Jane’ was diagnosed with cancer. She fought a long, hard battle and finally succumbed in August of 1993. It was devastating for all who had loved her. She was the organist at her church and on the day of her funeral even the organ didn’t want to work properly for the first time, and since.
Today we buried ‘John’. He tried, he struggled, his children tried to rally him, but in all honestly, he had never been the same since ‘Jane’s’ passing. After a few years of illness he has finally gone to the place he has wanted to be for fifteen years.
‘John’s’ daughter, my life-long beloved best friend, stood at the front of the church this afternoon and spoke about her father. Told us things we never knew for he was such a private man. Things I wish I had known. He was a writer, a poet, an artist. He kept this all between his beloved and himself.
A month before ‘Jane’ died in August 1993, ‘John’ wrote her a poem for her birthday. His daughter knew of the poem as it had been ‘Jane’s’ birthday gift, and a few years ago, when the children put ‘John’ into a nursing home due to failing health and sold the family home, she searched high and low for it.
This afternoon, in church, she read this poem. Not only as a testament to her parents’ love for each other, but also as an example of her father’s deep, artistic, passionate soul.

July 1993

‘Jane’, my love ----
After the winter
when the morning doves coo
I will remember.

Not that I could forget,
just that springtime will make you vivid.

We will recall
our youth, our unheeding.
We shall share memories as surely as
lovers separated only by earthly miles.

I cannot keep you
but commit these words to mind
and you can take them on your journey.

Isn’t it loss that wounds us most;
the sharp, the immediate,
the slow drip of years?

Yet your frailty will vanish in a trice,
the miracle of our prayers,
and it will be your radiant arms that
will, one day, welcome me home.

‘John’

I knew ‘John’ for almost my whole life and can honestly say that I wish I knew more of this side of him.
This is writing that would stand as amazing tribute to any man, to any love.
And ‘John’ is finally home in ‘Jane’s’ arms.

Giving up a dream

I’ve been trying to analyse why I’ve been so sad recently.
I understand why I’m feeling a little scared. After all I am looking at making a very big move. Whether it happens sooner or later, the decision to leave Bermuda is a huge one.
If things don’t work out in the USA I can always go to the UK, or even somewhere in Europe…Spain or France maybe?
And yes, I can come back to Bermuda. Definitely on vacation, and possibly even to live. I do have friends that I could stay with while I look for a job and somewhere to live.
BUT…the whole point is that I need to leave here in order to chase my dream.
And there we have it. The dream.
It used to be that I would be here for the rest of my life….have a wonderful husband, a beautiful home, a satisfying job.
I have overstuffed my apartment over the last years with beautiful objects d’art (albeit nothing terribly expensive, just valuable to me in their beauty), cooking apparatus, flatware and etc, etc, and stuff, with the hope that one day I would have the space to display them and use them to entertain my friends.
Recently I have begun a seriously brutal purge. Unfortunately when I leave I can store a very limited amount of stuff here, for a limited period of time, and it has made me think hard about what it necessary to me now…and in the future.
So far I have 3 bags of garbage, 3 bags of Good Will clothing, 1 bag of Christmas decorations (note that I haven’t even reached the closet where I keep all my Christmas paraphernalia!)1 bag of stuffed toys (seriously? Yes!!), and 1 grocery bag of empty picture frames, the latter three also for Good Will. And this is not including items that can’t be dumped into a garbage bag, nor have I even hit the kitchen!
I guess what’s happened is that with each, previously treasured, item that I throw away or give away I am realising that things really are just things.
And yet I still feel that I am throwing away small pieces of my dream each time. And that has made me rather sad.
Once I have a solid, new dream to look forward to I believe the sadness will be replaced by excitement….and anxiety!!
The good thing about the ‘plan’ is that I am going through it all with a friend. So that, kind of like Thelma and Louise…well, minus the car, the cliff, the crime, the police, and Brad Pitt….we can hold each other’s hand as we launch into a whole new life and say ‘Here we go!’

Should I stay or should I go now...?

"If I go there will be trouble, An' if I stay there will be double." The Clash hit the nail right on the head with that one.
After months of talking about leaving Bermuda, I got hit in the face with the cold hard facts on coming back from Vegas.
Is it beautiful here? Absolutely. And the weather? Perfect. It's a pretty good lifestyle too...always outdoors, in and on the water. And it will always be the place of my birth and a place I would be happy to come and vacation.
But.
I am not happy.
Rents and the cost of living are sky-rocketing and it is becoming financially un-viable to live on ones own.
Crime has taken a serious and very scary upward spiral.
The present Government is a sham and a shambles, and their talk of independence from the UK is like listening to spoilt children in the playground boasting about their toys with no notion of what their parents go through in order for them to have those toys.
I will never own my own home here.
I will never be able to retire here.
And the man-pool is murky at best.
I'm only ever happy when I am on the beach or when I am with a handful of particular friends.
At all other times I have been unhappy. And that is not a natural state for me.
So, I can blow this place and go look for my destiny.
Or I could stay and be bored and depressed.
Put like that there really isn't a contest, is there?

Twiddling my thumbs

So I started my new job yesterday. I was supposed to start on Monday, but I came in on Friday for a brief meeting with Dan, my new boss, and he said 'Oh no, you take a couple extra days and relax, you just flew back. Start on Wednesday, it is the 1st then anyway.' Now while this is true, it really should have been my first clue that there was nothing particularly urgent awaiting the new employee.
And then he tells me that he is flying to Brazil that afternoon, and so not only will he be away for my first day, but he will be away for a month or more. Excellent!
He then gave me a ten-minute crash course on their payment system so that I would be able to pay bills as they came in.
Therefore on my first day, after aquainting myself with the computer system, the office in general, the ladies across the hall, the bathroom, the kitchen...you know, all the important stuff...I paid the rent for the office and for Dan's apartment, scanned a few invoices off to Brazil for instruction, and waited for the postman.
1.10pm Day 2. Still waiting. Sigh.
Bonus? Coffee with Cindy this morning for the first time in years. Weeeelll sort of...she had coffee, I had cranberry juice. And no, I am not trying to be holier than thou in saying that. I had a ciggie with my beverage, she refrained.

Leaving Las Vegas

So I just spent a fantastic week in Las Vegas, completely unexpected and last-minute, an amazing gift from my incredibly generous and thoughtful friend, Jill.
We saw all the sights, as you do, even though we have both been there before. We shopped until we really were about ready to drop….and I’m wondering if there is anything left in the stores for other punters to buy.
We got in last Thursday evening after a delayed flight in Atlanta. We had all been boarded on time only to be informed that “in case we were wondering why the Captain was standing outside of the cockpit” it was because they were replacing one of the windshield panels. Um. WTF????? Two HOURS later….with no offer of water, or snacks, or ALCOHOL!!!!!...we were finally off. Funny thing through this trip, on all four flights I was unable to sleep. Usually I’m out like a baby being rocked in a cradle. Not this time and that really sucked on the red-eye coming home!
Anyway, we hit the ground running with David Copperfield at the MGM Grand…literally straight from the airport to the show!...and he was seriously amazing. His last ‘trick’ was one I’d seen on TV and I was thrilled to see it live and be even more stunned, wondering how the hell he does it all!!
The next day Jill and I left Craig, our fellow-Bermudian-LV-vacationer (sorry Skippy, but denial is not just a river in Egypt, it was vacation), in the condo, ‘working’, and hit the shops. Much damage was done and I was totally exhausted, not being used to power-shopping! Having never been to Target before, I found a new love….Hello Target! Miss you!
That night we went to a ‘local’s only’, off-strip tapas bar to meet a new on-line friend of mine, and thus I met the most wonderful man in the world!!! We’ll call him Scott….‘cause that’s his name (lol). I will refrain from gushing about him to spare you all indigestion, but trust me, it’s not because I don’t want to gush!
From Fireflies, which I highly recommend, we headed to the Palazzo to meet up with Lanie and how great it was to see her again!
That night Jill and I learned a new lesson in friendship. Now, the internet doesn’t need to know the details of that, the important thing is that we had an issue, we faced it, dealt with it and moved on with a better understanding of each other. Go woman-kind!
I was a tad tired on Saturday morning having talked with Scott until sunrise, and so I skipped joining Jill and Skippy’s venture to IHOP, and beyond. Later in the afternoon Scott picked me up and took me to explore the Wynn, which was fabulous…we wandered around inspecting the lounges and finally settled in one of them for a cocktail and some particularly delicious potato chips…too many of which ended up on the table and bench, designating us both as people who should not be allowed to eat in public!
That night Jill, Skippy and I headed out of town to Prim to see (woo hoo!!!) Foreigner (YES!!) at Buffalo Bill’s Star of the Desert Arena. They were AMAZING!!! And Kelly Hansen’s voice is just as GD wonderful as Lou Gramm’s on the classic ‘I want to know what love is’ which brought the arena to its feet and lost me my voice!
Driving back into LV we were all looking for excitement….and in fact the drive itself pretty much did it as Jill went over the 100mph mark! My choice was the Lt. Col….Jill and Skippy chose the roller-coaster at New York New York.
I waited in the bar for all of them and got chatted up by some random who ticked me off just a small bit.
On the way home Scott gave me my first introduction to IHOP in the USA….more food than you can eat in three meals. And the next day we went around some of the shops (I finally got my first pair of proper cowboy boots…love you Boot Barn!), had cocktails at Blue Martini, BBQ’d some dinner, hung out with Cricks and Talos (Scott’s greyhounds), and headed to the Strip for some serious photoging!!
Monday and Tuesday found us heading out to Denny’s or IHOP for breakfast, then dropping Skippy off at Borders to ‘work’ (OK, I’m tearing the ass out of it, he really did work) and Jill and I hit the shops, credit cards a’smokin’!
On Monday night we headed in to Planet Hollywood hoping to catch a band I had heard the previous evening…they weren’t playing but we decided to stay for dinner and drinks, sitting on the Strip, watching the world go by, and I do mean THE WORLD…in all its gaudy, glorious, fantastic glory. Scott joined us and after dinner he and I headed over to watch a couple of the Belaggio fountain shows while Skippy and Jill headed inside to drink and gamble, respectively.
Tuesday brought the same day-time scenario. Truth is it was a blast just driving around with that pair. Jill and I could have fun in a barrel by ourselves but Skippy added just one more blonde to the mix for added comic confusion.
Since Jill and Craig had a conference reception to go to on Tuesday night I made plans to meet Lanie for a drink and gossip and then Scott picked me up for dinner at another local’s-type place called Bootleggers. Unfortunately knowing I was leaving him the next day I was unable to eat much and I think Scott has been eating doggie-bagged chicken fettuccine alfredo ever since! In the morning I was very brave saying goodbye to sweet Cricket and proud Talos, and even braver saying goodbye to Scott as he dropped me ‘home’.
Arriving back at the condo I found my flat-mates ready to head out for a day at the conference they had actually come for. Whoa. A day to myself. In Vegas.
I headed to the Fashion Show Mall, did a little more damage to the Mastercard and added a little to the wardrobe, ran into a couple of Bermudians in the Food Court, then headed over to the Wynn hoping to get more photos. But Scott is correct, it’s no fun doing that on your own. I sat and had a drink in the pool bar Scott and I had looked at on Saturday, where little misters installed in the table umbrellas spray fine bursts of water into the air, making it a virtual oasis in the desert. I could practically hear my skin sucking in the moisture!
Afterwards I went back to the condo and packed and tried to relax….I had hoped to hit the pool but some fat slob was hogging the patch of sunshine coming through between the neighbouring buildings. Jill and I had tried once before to do the pool thing, but by the time we got there the sun was gone behind buildings, and the water was bloody freezing. Again, WTF???
Our flight out of Vegas wasn’t til 11.30pm and Jill told me in the morning that she wanted to go to the conference’s evening presentation. A quick call to Scott had him skipping the gym and coming instead to pick me up at Harrah’s. We went to Paris and sat off in the bar for a couple of cocktails and laughs before heading into the Planet Hollywood mall to look at the shops and stroll around eating Italian carry-out before heading back to Harrah’s to meet Jill and Skippy. Scott and I said goodbye again and I was able to do it with minimal tears knowing…KNOWING…that I will see him again soon. We left Skippy for a day on his own in LV where I am SURE Hooters was on the agenda but I’m really interested to know if he made it to the indoor sky-diving place!!
Jill and I had an uneventful trip home, despite being so cold in the Atlanta airport! Considering our week’s shopping expenses we were loathe to spend $50 on Georgia Tech sweatshirts so I shivered it out and Jill bought an ‘Atlanta Diva’ long-sleeved t-shirt to help insulate….which she just remembered to take off before landing and stepping into the sauna that is Bermuda air.

Funny thing is that at some point on Tuesday afternoon I think Jill and I reached ‘vacation relaxation point’ and everything was hilarious. I wish we had been able to stay longer and have more of that. Sometimes it just takes time to let go of the everyday reality we’ve left behind and let loose and have FUN.

We arrived back in Bermuda safely and I enjoyed the approach and landing as much as I always do. All the tourists looking out of the windows for some kind of land to touch down on, and all they can see is water…..the Captain is saying ‘We are making our final approach to Bermuda’ and they are straining to see out of both sides of the plane to see what the hell we might actually land on, and only seeing ocean!! Until….until….suddenly a coral athol or two, then a bit of land with some trees…and….all of a sudden you’re on the ground!
It’s always a thrill landing in Bermuda. Just SO beautiful. And always home.

On the drive back Jill did have a hard time with the speed limit but we made it without a speeding ticket!

And on that drive we discussed the fact that we both SO did not want to be home, here in Bermuda.
Jill’s been lucky enough to be away a few times recently and take care of her ‘rock fever’ and she has her plans for the big move to New Zealand next year.
But on leaving Las Vegas, we realised finally, completely, totally, that neither of our futures are here any longer. No more fish bowl. No more limitations. No more lack of choice…in everything/anything.

For me? Change. Big change is a-coming. How and when? Who knows. But it’s a-coming.

R.I.P.

This evening I called Bruce's housesitter who was also kindly feeding Sneaky Pete III while I was in Las Vegas.
He was very sketchy on the details but basically he informed me that SP had passed away.
I know he's just a fish, but he was my little buddy.
The very first and very last living thing that I spoke to each and every day.
And I'll miss his beautiful little self.

What's for dinner darling?

Mmmmmm! Tonight I made chicken tender strips with a garlic, teriyaki and sesame dipping sauce, and a tomato, avocado and alfalfa sprouts salad with a red wine vinaigrette dressing. Sooooo good!
The only thing that could have made it better?
A ‘darling’ to share it with.
His name begins with Scott.
((((SMILE))))

I'm in love...

Oh Laird! Leave Gabby and come live with me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0Pw7vKtqpo
Yeah. Right.
Methinks I will just have to continue worshipping from afar.
Sigh.

Help! I'm drowning!

Earlier in the afternoon I had been blowing bubbles under the water to make Lucas laugh. After a while I'd had enough, but not Lucas! He kept pushing my head down using his full body weight and saying, ''Put you face in the water. NOW! Put you face in the water!''

Even as I spluttered Jillian, like any good friend would, just stood there taking photos!

Too funny! She's lucky her kid is so cute!

Ha ha ha!

I came across this photograph when I was looking for pics for Alex's birthday. This is me at two and a half years old. What could I possibly have done to be dumped into the bathtub fully clothed...diaper, shoes, cardigan, bib and all????
And the expression on my face is all like, 'Gee dude, I don't know....' Hee hee hee.
Judging from the bib though, this probably happened at supper time...and it's at my grandparent's house where I used to spend the weekends...I remember the yellow tub.
Anyhooo, according to the bib, it looks like I would have been a Hello Kitty fan if I'd been born a few decades later!

Friday night in.....

So. I stayed in tonight...a Friday night...go me!
And yet here I am, nearly 3AM, watching a movie (While You Were Sleeping) I've watched a thousand times before...why?
Bored? Restless?
I could have gone out....Jillian and Michele are out...Cindy and Graham are out...Patricia called and wanted to do something...without a doubt Bobby is doing something....and there's always popping over to Bruce's for a drink.
Just needed to choose that night in, I guess.
Hey....I did accomplish some worthwhile 'chores' tonight...colour sorted all my glass beady-marble-thingies....emptied the drying rack and washed some dishes, filling it up again....sigh.
Ate some dinner!
All in all it's not been a bad night....but I miss seeing my buds...I'm antsy...and HELL, I've got to go to bed!
G'night folks...thank everything it's beach day tomorrow!

Oh my....

....busy!

So, a joke.....
What do you call 3 blondes standing on thier heads?
>
>
>
>
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give up?
>
>
>
>
>
>
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ready?
>
>
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>
>
3 brunettes!

Ha ha! Thanks Jay!
Hey! I'm blonde.....I'm allowed!

Wow....

...what a day! A great group of friends on the beach, one on a suprise trip from the UK, body-surfing again, not just one, but two adorable toddlers' beach-delight, T.Rex boogying...and then just-out-of-the-ocean tuna on the BBQ with fresh Bermuda corn-on-the-cob and summer squash.
You cannot beat a day like that!

T.Rex...yeah baby!!

My CD of Marc Bolan and T.Rex's greatest hits finally arrived. I've been wanting this CD for ages...ever since a friend of mine who is in advertising created an ad for a local cellular phone company using 'Ride a White Swan'...I eventually got around to ordering it and now it's here and I've been rocking out!! And considering I've also been body-surfing (at the beach, cheap seats!) all afternoon I'm wondering how my body is going to feel tomorrow!

I'd almost forgotten the thrill of body-surfing...last summer I was post-accident and it was out of the question to throw myself into a huge cresting wave and ride it to shore...so far this summer I have usually had a just-3-year old attached to me, and much to my credit, and I'm sure his Mummy's relief, it just hasn't occurred to me.
I made up for that this afternoon!
The waves were perfect, enough to get a good ride, not so much that it bordered on dangerous.
At one point a friend, Dave, who was at the beach with us, joined me and having never done it before was all up for it. I took him in on one small, tame wave first and oh yeah, he was ready for a full-on breaker! We didn't have to wait long before I gave him the signal and off we went...coming up gasping in the gritty surf, laughing. I had lost a bracelet, pulled right off my arm by the force (pretty, but cheap fortunately), and caught up in it all I started to stand in the surf shouting to Dave about my bracelet...not realizing that I had also lost my top!
Luckily Dave is a gentleman and a little later, sitting drying off on the beach with the rest of the troupes, denied seeing anything. Sorry Mark, he's NOT going to tell you!

Hmmm....seem to have gotten a bit off topic.....

T.Rex.....how I loved them. When I was young my father used to regularly get a compilation album called 'Top of the Pops' and it gave me a love of certain music that other Bermudian children weren't hearing. My lasting favourite T.Rex song is 'Ride a White Swan' hence the inspiration to finally buy a CD. However, in listening to the CD I've remembered that way back then my faves were 'Hot Love' and 'Jeepster'....I was 6!!! Jeeez. If you know these songs you may wonder at how completely inappropriate that is!!
I blame the clapping bits and the la-la-la-la's...awfully compelling to a 6-year old!

Besides, during this same stage, I also inherited a t-shirt from my aunt (who is only nine years older than me) that had on the front of it a picture of a Tall Ship and the words 'Friggin' in the Riggin''.
It was a favourite. And I never heard a word about it.

I guess, in both instances, my parents figured it was all just best left unsaid. Afterall, it's not like I asked them what 'friggin'' was....I just thought I was wearing a cool teenager's t-shirt and dancing to my parent's tunes!

My brother is 40! Yikes, I'm old!

This picture is of me with Alexander and Jonathan in 1974, Christopher was born the following summer. You can tell this was taken in winter-time as I've got a robe on, Alex is in PJs, and Jonny's wearing socks! How cute are they?!





Last Sunday Alex celebrated his 40th birthday. He had been fretting a bit about it but I reckon he'll say now, what we all say, "That wasn't so bad!"
I had to dig out some old photos for his friends to use to decorate for the party, and ended up as I always do when I go looking through my photographs, spending a good few hours reminiscing.



This one was taken in 1978. I love it as it's such a true snapshot of life. There's no perfect posing, one is picking his nose and the other is about to bawl (don't you just love that face?!) In case you're wondering, they are decorating the Christmas tree. And the little gombey-man decoration that Alex is holding in the non-nose-picking hand is part of a set of 6 which my Mother lovingly preserved, and a few years ago gave them to me. They were bought in 1970, so were already 8 years old here.
I'm really lucky with all my brothers...they're all fantastic people, kind, funny, interesting, smart and gorgeous...but the great part is that we're good friends as well.

Alex and I are particularly close...as is natural with us both being in Bermuda, so far away from the rest of the family. Knowing that I have him to talk to, and that I can be there for him, it just means the world. The fact of the matter is that Alex is the first person, besides my parents and grandparents, who I consciously loved. He was the first baby that I ever held, and fed and cared for, and felt that nurturing, motherly, protective love. I still feel it today, though thank goodness he doesn't need his diapers changed anymore!!

Alex always had the strangest hair and my mother tried everything under the sun to get it to be soft and smooth....mayonnaise, beer, eggs....it never was soft or smooth, but it probably tasted pretty good! After university, through which he had one plaited bit of hair at the nape of his neck that had already matted, he let the rest grow and started working it into dreadlocks....he's had them ever since, and with them came the nickname Dready. Sometimes it takes people a minute to figure out who I'm talking about when I call him Alex! He's talking about cutting them off, as he does every now and then...but he's never done it. When and if he ever does, he's going to do it for charity...I reckon he'll make a ton of money...some people have been offering to pay him for years to cut them off! Hee hee.

Anyhoo...happy 40th birthday Alex!!! Love ya!

Before and after....

Okay...so this is Grape Bay last week.
The surf and swell from Bertha has probably already done quite a bit of damage and I reckon I won't even be able to stand in the same spot tomorrow.

Well, I was right I couldn't stand in the same spot, so this is Grape Bay on Sunday afternoon (the day before the storm hit), taken from much higher ground! And no, it's not out of focus, that's sea spray!

I wonder if Bertha left any sand behind for us to lie on this weekend? Better take a cushion!

Tease

There are plenty of clouds in the sky.
We have our usual summer heat clouds that form over the island and sit there, heavy and brooding.
And we have clouds banking to the south, being pushed slowly by hurricane Bertha as she churns her way towards us.
These clouds are dark-bottomed with lovely water but they are selfishly hanging on to it.
Then, last night as I drove home from work, I felt a splatter on my face and I thought "Yes! I don't mind getting wet as long as we get some rain! YAY!"
Well it didn't. Rain that is.
Must have been bird pee.

Today I observed something I had completely forgotten….watching a cloud form.
When I was a child I would watch the clouds all the time. Lying on my back in the grass, or on the sand (keep it clean, cheap seats!) …or on a lilo floating in the sea…or in the evening on the garden wall, or the hood of my parent’s car. Watching clouds and the shapes they made.
Later in my teens I would stay out even when the sun went down, watching the stars instead. Usually in the summer of course, when Scorpio is visible in the Northern Hemisphere. I’m a Scorpio and I loved being able to pick it out and as the summer passed, watch it move from one horizon to the other.
I still love looking up at the sky at night and gazing at the Milky Way, the Big and Little Dipper…and my Scorpion.
And clouds have continued to fascinate me as well but I have focussed on it differently as I got older. I love to photograph clouds now. Wispy horsetails, funky shapes, brightly-glowing-sunset-painted, heavy-rain-filled-squall….clouds.
This morning I stepped outside the office for a cigarette and looked up to see a large cloud hanging over Hamilton. It caught my interest because it was darkly and heavily bottomed and I hoped it might deposit its load before moving away from the island. Had I mentioned before that we’re in a bit of a drought? Yes? Oh, okay.
And then my eye was caught by a fragile patchy little mesh of cloud nearby the big one. I was trying to figure out its shape, what it might be, but it was changing too much. Frustrating. Until…until I realised it was also billowing…blossoming and blooming under (well, OK, above) my very eye. It has been years since I witnessed this.
It was very nearly right above me as we are not far out of the City, but not so much that I had to crane my neck too hard to watch…and watch I did. That tiny little patchy near-nothing began to pull previously invisible wisps into it, became more solidly white, starting to billow like smoke out of a stack, expanding as if someone was blowing it up like some oddly shaped, marshmallowy balloon. When it got to about half the size of the original cloud it started to shadow around the bottom, and as it grew so did the shadow.
By the time I was ready to go back inside it had surpassed the first cloud in size!
I had forgotten the wonder of watching a cloud be born and every time I stepped outside again today (ahem) I scanned the sky hoping for another opportunity. Sadly, the sky remained its clear, blue self, apart from the now two huge clouds hanging over Hamilton.

If I believed in ‘God’ maybe I would be accrediting this miracle to him. But I don’t.
I sure do give Mother Nature a pat on the back for it though.

And, no, it did not rain. That’s why Mother Nature only gets a pat and not a high-five.

Big Bad Bertha? Hope not!

Bertha, Bertha go away.
Don’t come back another day!
Great…we’re in a drought with no rain for weeks…and now there’s a hurricane threatening. It’s the first on the books for the year and it’s aiming right at us. Great.
According to the weather news this evening it’s still a little too early to tell but at the moment it looks like it’s going to be a real close call. We’ve been warned to check our emergency supplies and to set our radio dials to the government warning channel for regular updates.
How the heck, when the electricity goes off, are we going to be able to pull buckets of water out of dry tanks? How????
Earlier this afternoon the clouds gathered…every day the rain clouds, but no rain…and all of a sudden big fat drops fell from the sky. Yay! I thought…finally!
Two minutes later, and no more than those fat drops, and it was over. The tease was enough to set the tree-frogs singing, but they soon gave up, slowly silencing as they realised that there was going to be no lovely downpour after all.
Unfortunately a hurricane doesn’t necessarily mean rain…and even if it does bucket down, it is usually caught by the wind, which is an inescapable part of a hurricane, and doesn’t make it into the tanks, or is so mixed with salt spray that it is undrinkable.
Storm rain is rarely what we call ‘tank rain’…that straight-as-an-arrow-from-the-cloud-to the-ground-rain that will flood the roofs, down the pipes and into the tank. Wind is the enemy in that equation!
I guess we’ve got a tense week ahead. Keep you fingers crossed for us.
Stupid Bertha.

So, Sunday evening and another weekend bites the dust.
How is it that two days side by side in the middle of the week take FOREVER to pass, and yet these two days at the end of the week fly by at supersonic speed? It’s just wrong.
Today was another truly Bermudaful day. Lying in the sun and swimming in rock pools. We weren’t venturing into the ‘blue sea’ today due to a blitz of newspaper warnings about Portuguese Man’o’War…a curiously beautifully coloured type of jelly fish with an insanely painful sting. It’s very long tentacles will wrap around you and are murder to get off…and can reach you even if the body looks like it is too far away.
Having been stung a number of times as a child I am particularly wary…and I certainly can’t imagine having to ask Jillian to pee on me! Mind you, Lucas would do it in a heartbeat, but I think Mum is trying to discourage behaviour like that!
Jill and I had been staring at this woman who had just arrived because she had abs that belonged in a workout video…it was kind of like when you drive by an accident, it sickens you to look but you just can’t tear your eyes away. Then she did something that made us feel better. She spotted a Man’o’War that had been washed in and stranded on the beach….and she covered it with sand! This is something you don’t EVER do! Some poor unsuspecting person strolling down the beach could walk right on it and get one helluva nasty surprise. So unless you’ve got a handy DANGER sign in your beach bag to put next to where you buried it, you leave it and let the un-missable blue and purple be it’s own warning signal
We decided she can have her abs…we’d rather have our brains! And our Cheatos!
We found a sandy-bottomed rock pool that would fit all three of us and spent the next few hours ‘swimming’. Lucas broke in his new mask and float vest and I love seeing a child get enjoyment out of something I have given them….proof that I can occasionally make the right choice!
And now I’m home, sun-burnt and covered in sand and salt. Most people would be straight into the shower but I love this feeling. It means it’s the weekend, that I’ve been at the beach, and in the sea.
Having a shower takes me that much closer to Monday.
Ug.
Oh, and if anyone’s wondering what happened to all the sand on Grape Bay…don’t worry, I’ve got it. I brought it home with me. Inside my bikini bottoms.
I’ll bring it back next week, K?

OK. So it’s been a busy few days…not for any particular reason…the heat just makes it seem so…whatever. Fine! I’ve been lazy! Again!
But seriously, the heat…and the dryness…we’re living in a desert out here…an island desert! Somebody, please, do a rain dance for us. The lawns are crunchy, the tanks are dry. Did you know that we get our household water by collecting it from our roofs and storing it in tanks below our houses?
Yes. Well. Not so much these days.
After the deluges we had a month or so ago, when we thought we might get flooded, some of the trees and shrubs are absolutely loving this. They have used it all up and are putting forth a display, with all the current sunshine, that is in my memory unrivalled.
I went out and took some photos of one of my favourite trees, the Royal Poinciana. In full bloom this tree is magnificent…you can hardly see the leaves for the blossoms. And if you look closely, each individual bloom itself is SO lovely! My pictures are of the tree at Admiralty House just around the corner from my house. I have never seen it in such a glorious display.


This afternoon was Lucas’s 3rd birthday party. I spent a very pleasant afternoon with lots of kiddos, lots of Jill’s family, and after it all we sat on the patio, sucking down our cigs, discussing out plans to give up. Right.
Everyone had a good time, though cake is a tad over-rated for me and always has been.
No one got hurt, although Cole, Lucas’s cousin, let his balloon go the minute he stepped outside the front door so we owe the ecology, and possibly one hapless turtle, our apologies….’course how were we to know he would let it go in the open air, just as they had been doing inside all afternoon? Doh. Lucas was very concerned about this and asked questions ad naseum afterwards…think I may still be fielding them when we get to the beach tomorrow!
For his birthday I bought Lucas a mask (in the shape of a giraffe…cause giraffes are known beach lovers??? Only one they had!} and a flotation vest . We are going to have SO much fun looking at the things under the water in the rock pools….and I will have great relief not having to carry that full weight through the surf!

I have been going through my collection of quotes and poems recently. One of my faves is:

I come again with greetings new,
To tell you day is well begun;
To say the leaves are fresh with dew
And dappled in the early sun;
To tell how over everything
Delight is blowing in the air –
I know not yet what I shall sing
I only know the song is there.

I have always attributed this to Keats, don’t know why. Have googled it and all…still nothing…if anyone knows where this comes from let me know!

It came up at the Minton dinner table this evening that Bermuda is the second most isolated island in the world. Hard to believe when New York and Boston are a mere 2 hours away via airway and Miami and Toronto a mere three hour flight.
We did do a little Wikipedia search, but the BBQ beckoned and we abandoned our investigation.
Continuing it at home, these are the facts I came up with:
Bouvet Island, a Norwegian island 994 miles to the south of Antartica is THE most remote island in the world but for some reason they don’t include it as it is uninhabited.
Tristan de Cunha, part of the British Crown Colony of St. Helena, is 1,750 miles from South Africa in the south Atlantic, and is considered the most remote inhabited island.
Bermuda, 640 miles from the USA in the north Atlantic is considered 2nd, but as it consists of more than 130 separate islands, this honour is sometimes disputed.
But…..Tristan de Cunha is an archipelago as well and no one is disputing their placing. Be fair oh thou gods of lists and statistics…or at least be consistent!

Ashley was at dinner tonight…in fact I think he was somewhat the reason for tonight’s impromptu gathering (like we’ve ever needed an excuse) as he and Lecia leave to visit her family in western Canada tomorrow… for a whole two weeks! Holy crap! Must have a BBQ to see them off!! Anyhoooo…he brought a disc of pics from a recent dive out at the tower at Argus Banks (long way off Bermuda) which he described as the Jurassic Park for fish. And yeah, the huge schools of huge fish were certainly impressive. Unfortunately they also captured shots of a few (he said they saw about 6 in total) Lion fish. They have been illegally introduced to local waters recently by disgruntled aquarium owners and have taken a very firm foothold. It’s a shame as they are very predatory fish and detrimental to the fine balance of our reef life, and we are fighting hard to save what is the most environmentally unchanged reef in the world. Elsewhere global warming and shrinking seas are causing reef bleaching. Being the most northern reef in the world, we are still unchanged by this. As yet. Not that the Lion fish are going to affect that, but it is a fine balance out there and any change to the worse is worrying.

Gem: As I swam out through the surf with Lucas on Sunday afternoon, it was quite rough and I battled to jump above each wave crest that I would normally just dive through, wondering all the while if my arms would give out (he’s a very solid 3 year old!), and Lucas was shouting with pure joy.
Then he looked at me with his chubby little grin and said “I am so happy.”
Well, buddy, if you are then so am I. How simple is that?

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
But I wonder, if Frankie-boy had ever turned around and called her an ugly old bag, or dropped her like a hot potato once he reached the White House, would she have had to add a caveat? “…without your consent. Uh, depending who that person might be.”

Because let’s face it, what she says is true. It is our choice how we feel about anything, everything, how others behave towards us, or the things they say. And if we feel inferior, it is because we are allowing ourselves to feel so. We have chosen to feel that way.
We are supposed to use our self-esteem and self-confidence to know our self worth and realise that the thing said/done against us has more to do with the issues the person who said/did it is facing, rather than with the person it is directed at.

But…and of course there’s a but!....if that person is someone you love and trust and respect, someone whose advice and counsel you rely on, when that person tells you that you are worthless…well, what are you supposed to think?
It is still ultimately true that it is more a reflection of them than of you, but how can you not take it to heart at the time?

When you love and trust another person, you automatically hand them the power to hurt you. Like it or not. And it’s WAY hard to get past. You have to go through a whole exercise of picking up the shreds of your ego and putting it back together again. Desperately trying to remember exactly why you ever thought you were worth it in the first place.
And the next step is to withdraw that automatically bestowed consent.
Learn your lesson properly and that person will never be able to make you feel inferior again.

As it turns out, Mrs. Roosevelt was also the person that inspired ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me’, which is a modern bastardisation of her quote, “If someone betrays you once, it is their fault; if they betray you twice, it is your fault.”
Oh yeah, Eleanor definitely knew she needed that caveat.

Dud...but then....

Last night was the big party for the Newport to Bermuda yacht race. Usually such a great party…this year, not so much.
I really wasn’t in the mood for a party but got dragged along by Jillian and Michelle…all Jillian had to say was, “Steeeppphhhh….” and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay at home and wallow in misery in peace!
And of course I’m glad I went. It’s another one of those events where you see people you haven’t seen since the last time. Ridiculous considering we live on 26 square miles and you could fit our entire population into a football stadium! So last night was catch up with the yachties night…and a chance to ogle at some very yummy sailors!!
And you can never be miserable for long when you’re out with that pair. Jillian and I could have a laugh regardless where we are, but with Michelle for entertainment…well, let’s just say that Michelle is done after just 2 drinks, really, that’s kind of her limit…a bit of a lightweight. Thing is, she doesn’t stop there and she gets extra flirtatious when she’s drunk…there is no entertainment quite like drunk Michelle.
But the party itself was a real flop. The yachty crowd were not mingling as much as usual. The bar situation was really badly organised and it took AGES to get a drink. And there was a certain social element in attendance that gave it a seedy, dangerous edge. They were probably drawn by one of the bands, Home Grown, who play a pretty hardcore reggae set, and since it was free and security was completely absent, they were out in force. I heard this afternoon that there was a stabbing later in the night. I can only hope that the gangs were infighting and it wasn’t some hapless visitor who was victim.
The other band, the only one that we saw, are called Secret Po Po. I saw them recently in the back room at Docksiders and was most impressed. They range in age between 17 and 19, and yet they have a varied playlist and an impressive stage presence. Unfortunately last night they sounded tinny and the lead singer off key. Maybe it was the set up, maybe the outdoor staging, maybe just a bad day at the office. Shame.
After 2 Corona Light (or sorry is it ‘Lite’ =S) and a very crappy glass of (ug) chardonnay, I’d had enough, so had Jillian. Not so Michelle! With here raring to go into town we left her in like-minded company and started to head out.
So a night I thought I wouldn’t enjoy at all, in fact resisted to the last minute, turned out to be just fine, fun in fact, despite the event itself being a dud.
Now, recently I’ve been putting a lot of things aside, not just painting, or laundry, or cleaning the bathtub. But people too. And tonight, in addition to actually having fun, 2 things happened to turn the night around in a big way.
First, earlier in the evening I got a call from my friend John in Sweden. Haven’t spoken to him in a little while since I told him I was committed elsewhere….ha! Anyways he’s missed me and still wants to come visit! It may be too late now to arrange a visit for the summer but Christmas is the next idea, and if I make it to Scotland (as is the vague plan, shhhhh! don’t say anything to my mum and dad) John will fly over to Edinburgh to meet me there. Just a shame this summer’s visit may not pan out due to a whole pile of bullshit.
And second, just as Jillian and I were deciding to leave I got a call from CK, my old FWB, who I have been ignoring due to the same pile of bullshit mentioned before. He came and picked me up and as we walked Jillian to her car she turned around to see us holding hands (WELL…it has been a while and all!) and said she wished she had a camera! Erm…no. But it sure was good to see him again. And at least I woke up with a smile this morning!

The Monday morning blues?...It's Wednesday evening!!!!

I am definitely using writing as a catharsis just now. And a distraction plus focus rolled in one. These days if I am not doing something I am completely focused on I find myself wandering around the apartment, with laundry piling up, cleaning chores not doing themselves, pressing matters not taken care of and, dammit, food not cooking itself! How I wish I could lose myself in any one of those tasks. Of course, also wish I was a better writer so that it might be worth it…oh well.

Over the past few months I have also found it difficult to settle into my usual evening/weekend pastimes. There has been a sense of anticipation that made it almost impossible to sit still enough to paint, read or play the piano. It had seemed worth it, a little hiatus, a vacation if you will, whilst I waited for something more important to play out.

How I wish I could settle down to them now. I will have to re-read whole chapters just to remind myself exactly where Robert the Bruce was when I last left him. I will have to have every door and window shut tight when I finally sit down at the piano, only to spare the neighbours the sound of my rusty mistakes. My paintings in progress are covered in a fine layer of dust and I barely remember what I was doing with them.

“So! Just get on with it!” I hear you say.
Good news is that I actually managed to get one load of laundry in the washer…whites….yay! Edited to add: AND in and out of the dryer!
But I simply can’t focus on any of it. The Bruce was, last I remember, having a raging, blatant affair with Christina of the Isles whilst his wife languishes under English guard, but I know I had gotten beyond that and FFS I don’t want to have to go back to that part again. I have WAY too many romantic songs in my pathetic repertoire, which sound merely melancholic right now, even when plunked out so poorly (or maybe that is why?) And I feel too inadequate even to pick up my brushes to paint something for Lucas’s birthday…never mind finish the painting that is Danielle’s wedding gift.

I hate what has happened.

I went round to Bruce’s for a shot of ‘reality’ and felt not SO bad…but home again and yeah, still no answers. Can’t even bother combing the rat tails out of my hair following my shower…feel lucky I even managed a shower!

Maybe there’s someone out there who wants a smelly, dread-locked and disillusioned woman? Never know, might get lucky with that. I’ll keep you posted.

Meet my friends....

The 2008 Annual Round the Island Seagull Race was held this past Saturday.

This is the first year that I have not been either a) racing, b) crash-boating, or c) timing boats in....I was too busy having a melt down, or something. I eventually decided to go down for the after-party to cheer myself up, and it was worth it for Alison's t-shirt alone!...'Will sell husband for wine' indeed.

As I left the house to head down to the boat club late in the afternoon, I could already hear the music and the shouting....no one can talk at a normal sound level after having been stuck next to a Seagull engine all day!...besides they are, of course, all completely intoxicated.It's always a great chance to see people...some you only see once a year for this event...they come out of the woodwork a couple of weeks prior to spiff up the boat and get the engine in working order. And at the end of the evening, with the BBQ over and the prizes handed out, they p-ting their way into the sunset, until next year.Since I don't have a great story and a ton of beautiful photographs I thought I'd include this YouTube link to the LookTV video of last year's race http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6owwo_m4QNo&feature=PlayList&p=60F62AD7F79C9E20&index=0 It's an absolute classic! For full drunken entertainment value you have to watch to the end...and I love the one girl's remark in the comments section, "they're all drunk". 10 out of 10 for observation.

Sauna anyone?

My tan is proof that we have certainly had some gorgeous weather...but summer kicked in with a bang last week. We never get that actually hot here in Bermuda. Our summer highs are really quite comfortable in the high F80's, rarely going over F90, and being an island we have the blessing of sea breezes...being a very narrow island those breezes reach everywhere.
Sounds idyllic doesn't it?
Maybe it would be if it wasn't for the humidity. It's damp in the winter...making it feel colder than it actually is...and in the summer? whoa! sauna.

Tonight we sat in the garden at Minton for a farewell dinner for Lucy, who is heading home to Mexico to tend to her cancer-ridden mother who has just been given a very poor prognosis.
It was a bittersweet occasion. Many people were congratulating Bruce and Lucy on their newly announced engagement. And we had a cake...with sparklers!!! smuggled into the island by a friend and donated for the occasion....household fireworks are illegal in Bermuda! =(.....to celebrate Lucy's 30th birthday. Which we were supposed to celebrate next week. And as always the food was amazing and the company...er, entertaining! Ha ha! Anyone who has had dinner at Bruce's knows what I mean!
But still. The farewell part. We know we will see Lucy again soon...hasta la pronto, I think she said? But as we sat there, with Lucy feeling terrible, but putting a brave face on, and I trying to reassure her that, of course she was doing the right thing, she said in her charmingly broken English, '' The problem is, I don't know what to feel. I don't want to go so soon after I arrived and I want to come back as soon as possible. But I know that coming back will mean my mother is gone.''
What do you say to that???
I looked her in the eyes, as they teared up, and said ''You have to do what you must. And you will be strong for your mother. You will give her joy by being there and that is the greatest thing you can do for her at the moment.''
She nodded. How inadequate it seemed.

I'm sorry. What was my original point???? Oh yes, humidity!! In the past few days the humidity has sat in the 90's. % that is for those of you that don't have to deal with it.
Everything is wet. My hair won't dry. A towel used for a shower the day before is still damp when you reach for it.
Tonight sitting in the garden it was actually palpable. You could feel the wetness settling on your skin...exactly like it was starting to sprinkle with rain, but the sky was clear.
Yes. Summer is here. And all good Bermudians, having moaned all winter about the cold (sorry all northeners), will now start to moan about the heat. Especially the humidity!
I keep reminding myself that my grandmother always said that humidity is a skin's best friend.
And I have to admit that I am only bothered by it Monday through Friday....if I didn't have to work in it maybe I wouldn't mind it at all.

But, no. I, like all other Onions, I'm bitching...hard...

Taken last week not last night but this Lecia, Lucy, Bruce and I.....

Childhood on the beach

It's been a while now since it became an expected activity to spend Sunday afternoons with Jillian and her 3 year-old son, Lucas, at the beach.

Seeing his pure joy at each new discovery, at simply standing in the surf, or digging a hole in the sand really takes me back in time. I don't have too many actual memories of myself at that age (tho tons of my brothers) but there are many photographs to show I did exactly the same thing. Everytime I look at them it gives me a warm feeling to know I had such a fresh-air, sun, sand and sea filled childhood, with a father who was willing to stand with me in the surf, much as Jillian does (and me too...we have to take turns....it's boring for us at our advanced age!!)

Lucas has been getting braver every week, more willing to stand in a bit of surf by himself....to want to wander off looking for a rock pool to sit in, by himself....to actually touch that shed crab shell.

Today we finally swam ''in the blue water''. Myself be willing, and Jillian not so much, I waded out with Lucas clinging to me like a leech...squealing with every fresh splash...wait, maybe that was me?....and we spent a good part of the afternoon jumping in the swell. And with his chubby little toddler legs gripped around my waist and a stranglehold around my neck he kept saying, ''Don't worry, I got you''. Bless.

Eventually he relaxed enough to lay on the surface with me holding him up. I told him to kick and whirled him in circles to shouts of delight at the fact that he was ''swimming so fast!''

I wish so much that I had video of that, mainly for myself, but in a way it doesn't matter because I know that I am a part of creating memories for a child that he will never forget.

Last week the wind picked up a piece of paper he had been holding and blew it a few feet away. ''Quick, quick!'' we both said, ''Get it!'' And that child chased that piece of paper halfway down the beach on his tiny little legs, zig-zagging, stopping and starting, and every now and then looking back to see where Mummy was. Mummy and Aunty Steph were still sitting where he'd left them, on their beach towels.....peeing themselves laughing.

Mummy did eventually go stop him but by that time he had the whole beach in stitches as well!

Seriously? How lucky are we to live on such a beautiful island? Where we can stand in the surf, laugh, paddle in rock pools and swim in 'blue water' and all the while creating life-long memories in such a simple way.

And Lucas will never know it but he saved me today. He took my mind away from a bunch of shitiness and told me what I needed to hear ''Don't worry, I got you.'' From the mouths of babes.

FYI: Today Jillian did eventually rise to the occasion and for the first time this year actually entered the sea. Good job buddy!

To those who may or may not be concerned...

I may or may not be a complete idiot.
The truth is yet to be unmasked.
When one believes in love one always opens oneself up for hurt or disappointment. When one feels the need to query it over and over again....hmmm, bordering on dumb.
But I'm blonde so ...bear with me... I mean, how much questioning do you actually have to do when looking for someone to love?
Uh, LOTS.
I always look at things first in the context as friends...good thing for all the ladies and maybe why I have so many wonderful girlfriends...but it's a great way to get to know guys too...I mean, really, if there's anything else to it you'll find out soon enough!
A good friend told me not so long ago to start looking outside of my own 'locality'. Let's face it, Bermuda ain't the greatest when it comes to the dating pool.
I took her advice and started looking outside the box.
It has gotten me ooooohhhh lots of 'chances'...it has actually made me a few friends...and it has disappointed me in a big way x3.
Once of those 3 has actually broken my heart.
Box, wherefore art thou box....me needst to know thy boundaries...me needst to know the rules of the 'playas'!!!!
I've had a really rough few weeks (not that you'd know by the OH so frequent updates =P, so, um oops!) but someone who has held my hand, walked and talked me through it all, offered all kinds of remote, and monetary, and emotional, and physical support has turned out to be someone I cannot rely on. In the least. In fact, determined by his heretofore unknown circumstances, I will no doubt never hear from him again. Sorry 'long term partner'.
Well, go figure!
The thing is, we all know that losing a friend, in no matter what context, hurts. Losing somenone you love...no telling the pain.
But in an internet or cyber (wtf ever!) kind of love it seems to be 'yeah, double that with a side of 'I told you so' from the cheap seats.
Well, but wait, I really thought there was something there!
I'm sorry, Idiot was it?
okthanks.

Good grief, how long has it been?????

A friend who recently moved to the UK emailed me today and said that he had stumbled across this blog! It's great 'cause we're back in touch and he has added me to Facebook, and later this afternoon his wife added me as well. Now, Ann and I were really close when we were young...her grandparents lived just up the road from us and she and her brother spent a lot of time there and were close with my bro and me. Rob moved to the neighbourhood a while later and we all used to spent a lot of time in his parent's basement area playing music. Yes.

They hooked up sometime while I was in the UK and by the time I came back to Bermuda they had made a move to London where Rob busked the subways and such.

They came back to Bermuda raised a young family but have decided that they'd rather raise their kids in the UK, without the bigotry that can pervade every facet of life in Bermuda, but especially the school system. So off to Old Blighty again. And they seem so settled and happy, and I am so happy for them.

Never fear, they are people that I will always hold in my heart and always be happy to see, along with their lovely family. I miss knowing that they are in Bermuda...in the rather unfortunate way that Bermudians often feel, but take for granted!

The product of an environment where people are constantly coming and going...and sometimes coming and going again!