Oooh George!

----- Original Message ----
From: Danielle Parker
To: Stephanie Hunter
Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2007 8:40 AM
Subject: FW: Warning to all Women....

This Could Happen To You..... It Could Happen To Your Mother, Your Sister,Your Daughter or your best friend. So please warn all the women you care about.The strangest thing happened to me at lunch today.
I was sitting at a localoutdoor cafe having lunch by myself and two men came and sat down at mytable. I gave them the death look, but they just casually stayed at my table andwouldn't leave me alone. I shined up my wedding ring then placed my hand onthe table and I hinted to them that I was married and that I was just notinterested in them. Luckily for me they got the hint and left, butthankfully the whole thing was captured on the Cafe's camera. I'm sending you this picture as a warningjust in case they try and pick you up too.
Honestly, some men think they're God's gift .

From: Stephanie Hunter
To: Danielle Parker
Oi! That's my two ex-boyfriends you're talking about there!

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From: Danielle Parker
To: Stephanie Hunter
Hope they weren’t two timing me at the time with you!!!
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From: Stephanie Hunter

To: Danielle Parker
No, no sweetie...I kicked them to the curb well before you came along.

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From: Danielle Parker
To: Stephanie Hunter
Phew because obviously I’ve remained firm friends with them both…but had that been the case I might have had a few words to say.
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From: Stephanie Hunter
To: Danielle Parker
Oh of course. Don't worry, I speak to them both everyday and they admit to being somewhat fond of you still. They say it's just a shame you were so smelly.

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From: Danielle Parker

To: Stephanie Hunter
Yes but do they tell you ‘smelly’ in a good way… a bit like a rose bush I believe they once told me.
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From: Stephanie Hunter

To: Danielle Parker

A bit like old socks I believe they said....or was it old man's farts...whichever. The other day we were all out on the yacht and they were arguing about it...can't remember which one they settled on. Then of course Ang came and took Brad down below to see the children and George and I had a skinny-dip for old time's sake. Good times.

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From: Danielle Parker

To: Stephanie Hunter

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Bruce's 43 Birthday Weekend

This past weekend Bruce's sister, Lisa, and I threw a big bash for Bruce's
birthday...at his house, so no surprise for him. The surprise for us turned
out to be that Bruce had spent the previous few days inviting everyone he saw, so the numbers climbed quickly. Luckily Lisa and I reserved our panic in case we actually did run out of food on the night (instead of spending the week in a blind panic which was the first reaction), because, as is typical, plenty of people didn't make it and there was tons of food. I'm still eating it in fact!

Anyway, Lisa had a friend make a cake with the RISR logo on it,
including the motto: Once is not enough. Oh yeah????







The heat, the noise, the cooking...oh and I burnt my legs and feet when
the fish sauce poured out of the pan....well it was all just too much for me.

And Bruce brought out this funky little number to perform some
initiations into the "Fun-de-mental-ist Church of the Wasted (K)Nights
of Minton"....we made $14 which is our biggest offertory so far!

And of course everyone had a blast so my headache and blistered
legs were worth it.

The next day Tim took our hangovers for a lovely relaxing

afternoon out on the Iridio. We sat off in Paradise lakes for a while....
swimming and drinking...and then it was decided to troll around the
Sound before heading home.



We caught a lot of Bermuda rock fish....and on one occasion we could

not free the lure. Bruce had to dive in and unhook it which took a fair amount of effort with all that red wine in him. Plus, there's no fixed
ladder on Iridio so Tim had to man handle Bruce back into the boat.





I was relaxed anyway....finally!

After all the excitement it was a lovely cocktail cruise
back home

and I had earned my t-shirt again.
Cool.

And completely apros pro of nothing.....frangipani.

Seagulls and blue water

This past Saturday was the annual Round the Island Seagull Race and it was quite a day.

I spent the day crash-boating on the infamous 'Nazcar' whose previous owner, Chris, had recently proclaimed it worthy of needing its own crash boat. I wasn't impressed. But since my captain was to be Graham P, one of Bermuda's best marine mechanics, and I was assured that we would stay only on the North Shore and not have to battle the South Shore, I agreed to go along. Much to my dismay North Shore was so sloppy and choppy that it was impossible to sit in without feeling sick....unless you got drunk instead. So guess what I did? It did not involve heaving over the side I can assure you!

We had headed out onto the water early thinking that we would anchor off at Gibbets Island and have some lunch but that plan was abandoned in the face of huge South Shore-like swells that rhythmically and constantly tipped the boat from gunnel to gunnel. Heading back west we found it relatively calm in Deep Bay, threw the hook over and prepared to worship the sun gods while we waited for the first dulcet "p-ting, ting, ting" to come our way.

I had needed a pee for a while so I stepped over the stern onto the ladder platform thinking to have a wee swim and empty the tank. Until the first wave and spray shot up my leg. I'm a complete wuss at the best of times and usually don't venture into the sea until it is more like bathwater, mid-July-ish. This was more like arctic. They say the sea temperature is just a few degrees below normal for the year...me and my sorry, wet, frozen ass beg to differ. Much to Graham's amusement I jumped back over the stern shivering and wrapped myself up until I thawed out a bit.

Finally we heard the first boat. I ran up to the bow to pull up the anchor and heard words no-one ever wants to hear, "Wait a sec Steph, the boat won't start." I stood there holding the rope and barely holding my temper/panic while Graham pumped gas to the engine and much to my relief the engine finally kicked into life. We headed out into the gnarly water to try and spot the source of the p-tings and discovered that it was moving at a very fast pace and was already way beyond us. Almost immediately we spotted another boat on the horizon and buzzed off to see who it was.

I KNOW!!! It looks so lovely and calm, doesn't it?
Well it wasn't. According to the racers, South Shore was beautiful, smooth sailing all the way. North Shore was the bitch this year.

As evidence that the sea was not as calm as it appears, here is the aptly named 'SeaSwallow' bailing maniacally to keep afloat.

The first boat we saw turned out to be the infamous Captain Cruel, aka Bruce, with Pirate Pete, one of the New Zealanders who made it up from down'unda this year. They did the race in a
traditional Bermuda dingy, the first time in a long time for the Captain...and according to him
"never again". I guess it was a little slow...not quite the warp speed he's used to in a flea hull. Anyway, this beautiful boat is named 'Legless' and this turned out to be incredibly appropriate as no sooner did the Pirate reach land, he found a cool, grassy spot on the neighbouring beach and passed out! Apparently Pirates shouldn't drink Pimms whilst circumnavigating a small country! He's changed his name to Pete the Wimp in the aftermath.

Unbeknownst to us two Canadian expatriates had decided to launch a challenge against the Brits and the first we knew of it was when they zoomed past with their flag flying high...and causing some drag I'd imagine, though it didn't seem to hurt them any....they won. Not that I'd be biased in any way of course *cough cough* but the Brits did seem to know how to garner support, flashing everyone as they passed and managing not to 't-bone' us while also managing to pass us a lovely bottle of red wine from a case they had on board. Rumour has it that the race was very nearly nose-to-nose at the finish line and the British Captain ordered his crew overboard in an effort to lighten the vessel and nip the competition. Other reports state that they were both drunk and when they dropped their flag they both jumped over to retrieve it! Frankly, I could believe either but I think the amount of alcohol being imbibed on land had the spectators confused. I happen to know for a fact that the Pirate was ordered overboard by Captain Cruel as he has been a bit upset by the loss of his "sunnies" ever since! Mind you, it wouldn't be the first time more than one flag got lost, or more than one person ended up overboard.

And thankfully it won't be the last. That's entertainment!

Cindy & Graham's Wedding

Cindy & Graham's Wedding, originally uploaded by hogfishbeacon.

Cindy and Graham got married on the 1st June 2007. It was a beautiful day and everyone looked beautiful. We had beautiful settings for the ceremony, the photos and the reception. We ate beautiful food and drank beautiful wine. The cake melted in the heat but was still beautiful. And as wonderful as that all is, the most important thing was how beautiful the sentiment was.
Beautiful!

More Nuptials!

Two of my best friends got engaged two weeks ago after a seven year "courtship"....and are getting married this coming Friday!
I am thrilled but am also a bit frazzled...and nervous. The whole bridesmaid thing is nerve-wracking.
I know we''ll have fun in the end though and here's praying for blue skies on the day!
More to come...with photos too!
Still no internet at work though...three weeks now I think. I am in serious withdrawal and sneaking on to friends' computers whenever possible!
Someone came by today and hopefully we will be set up soon.
Can't wait!

1,000,000,000 times

That's how many times today I have already wanted to eff off a certain somebody.
And it's only 11:30am. Grrrrrrrr.
On the brighter side, I am wearing my new jeans and I LOVE them!
Also, I had to stop on the way to work to buy a new helmet. There is no way I could wear Dr. O's for a week. I think it was bad enough that I wore it home last night and into town this morning as I had to hold it on at the strap with one hand. When I had to let go to use the brake the helmet would fling back threatening to come off completely....or decapitate me.
Anyway, it was only forcing me to do something I should have done months ago, right after my accident. Whenever you choose/decide/are forced to stop a moving vehicle with your helmet...with your head still inside naturally....it is recommended that you replace the helmet as it might have sustained unseen stress fractures and therefore might not protect your head again should you decide to repeat this method of coming to a halt.
FYI: It is also recommended that you not use this method of coming to a halt.
In related news: The latest repercussion from my accident was discovered on my check-up with the eye doctor, Dr. LTB, a couple of weeks ago. Can you believe that I am still suffering the consequences of an accident that took place at the end of January....this is the beginning of May for f*cks sake!
Anyway...I had seen Dr. LTB right after the accident to make sure that everything was OK. What with the bang I took, the cuts and bruises around my eye, the concussion and the fracture to my cheek bone, and the fact that I am prone to weak spots in my retina, we figured it's better safe than sorry. Everything seemed fine initially, he couldn't tell much because there was too much internal swelling and a large contusion on my main eye muscle, but he wasn't too concerned. It was kinda hard to know how much of my vision trouble was being caused by the bruising etc as opposed to the concussion. Regardless, he booked me for an eye function test a few weeks later, to make sure the swelling was going down and the eye muscle was working properly. Once again everything seemed fine and in fact I apparently have exceptional depth perception! Woo hoo for hidden talents!! The technician said that Dr. LTB would want to see me again to make sure that everything had healed properly inside the eye. I don't know if you have ever had a "proper" eye exam, where they first numb your eye so that you can't feel the peeper thingie (technical terminology) the doctor places on your eye ball, then they dilate your pupils so that he can see right into your eye. I was told once that it is the closest one can get to looking at the brain without opening up the skull, because, right behind your eyeball?.....that there is your brain. It's horrible, the numbing and dilating, and it takes a while. But of course there are plenty of magazines and a TV in the waiting room...oh, but wait!....you can't focus when your eyes are dilated! You'll find me in the parking lot, smoking, when the doctor's ready, thanks.
But I digress. As it turned out I had to postpone my appointment three times due to one thing or another, all work related, and I was beginning to wonder if I really needed to bother, everything seemed fine. My eyes were still over-sensitive but I had had no problems with my vision. In the end I once again thought it was better to be safe than sorry and went along. Now, Dr. LTB is a lovely man, very nice and kind, but he's a man of few words and doesn't chat during the exam except to give you directions. So when he started "Hmmm-ing" and "Oh-ing" amid the "Look up/down/left/right-ing", I got a bit concerned. As it turns out, the retina had been pulled away from the eye wall by the internal swelling and as the swelling went down the retina was left stretched away. Holy crap! I had a detached retina! Because it was detached so far down it had not impacted my vision and I would have continued to be unaware of it until it actually tore. And that would have been a very serious problem indeed! I need to be able to see to light my cigarettes and fill my wine glass....and watch Gray's Anatomy.
Since it was late afternoon and he only had a few more patients to see, he had me wait and was able to patch me up right away.....and I managed not to have a complete panic attack. But it was so late when we finished that all the staff had gone and I missed the usual post-visit attention I get from the nurses. Apparently my pupils open unusually large under dilation and stay that way for ages longer than most people (woo hoo for another hidden talent!) and the nurses like to have a look in (nurses are so weird!). This gives me time to let the eye-watering ease up and for the numbness to wear off so I can look from side to side. And this is very useful because it's hard enough driving home when you can't focus, but when you can't look from side to side it's damn near impossible.
I guess I should get some work done now......

Aaargghhhh!

Gosh I'm in a foul mood now.
On the way to work this morning I put my feet down from the bike at the first stop sign I encountered and as I lifted them back up again the right foot felt a bit strange. Well, not so much the foot as the shoe. I looked down and lifted the foot a bit and sure enough the sole of the shoe was coming off! It got worse each time I had to put my feet down and by the time I was trying to walk up the path at work it was completely off except for the heel. I had to drag my foot along the ground sideways in order not to trip. Of course, I could also have taken the shoe off and walked the last few yards with one bare foot. But that would have been too much like common sense.
I'm really just amazed that I didn't break my neck coming down the stairs at home!
Then, at lunch time I decided to go into town. And that right there is enough to ruin anyone's day! But I really wanted to check this one place out.....one of the big department store's newly opened 'discount' outlet. Thought I'd go on in and see if there was anything worth it in there or if it was just going to be the dregs...the completely un-sellable stuff.
It's a bit of both. There is some stuff that just should never have been for sale in a store ever, anywhere, no matter how discounted. But there's also some nicer stuff...the very last of certain items. I found a few gems and headed for the dressing room, where some of those gems turned out to be plastic baubles. But there were three items I was quite thrilled with, including a pair of jeans which I LOVED and which is particularly unusual for me. Being a dyed in the wool....or denim, (ha ha I'm so funny!)...Levis girl I rarely find jeans, or any other kind of casual trouser, that I like and that fits and are long enough and that I can afford outside of the Levis store. So, this was a real find and I headed out of the dressing room, really happy and thinking about my first chance to wear them....I'd have to do it soon as jeans weather is very nearly over.
I get up to the counter and the sales lady begins ringing up my sale and then starts fiddling with the security device on the jeans.....and couldn't get it off. Then I cried. They are going to try another way of getting the device off and call me. But.....DAMN!!
So, I was late back to work because I spent so much time looking round the stupid store, and it took a long time to drive back to work whilst sobbing.
When I got back I went around to the back door which we all use to come and go, leaving the front door for the patients. And...and...Oh.My.God. There was a huge f*ck off lizard on the corner of the building, just at the narrowest part of the path. Needless to say I quietly had a heart attack and ran back to the front door. Screw the patients.
Now, FYI, work is making me stressed and annoyed these days regardless as I am on the outs with the office manager since a big blow up we had last week. He owes me a bloody apology and for some reason I can't seem to get past that. Well, Dr. O had asked Office Manager to do some sort of favour for him this morning....I have no clue what but somehow it has ended up in OM leaving Dr. O's helmet somewhere. Dr. O went out to ride his bike home to get ready for his flight this afternoon, and lo and behold, no helmet! He has had to borrow mine to get home while OM goes to retrieve Dr. O's so that I have a helmet to wear home. Problem is that Dr. O won't be back until next week, so I have to ride around with a helmet that we don't even know will fit me...for a week! Bugger! Bloody Office Manager!
Add to all that, my nose is bugging me so much that I swear I would chop it off if I could. Hide all the knives.
I am suffering from allergies to a previously unheard of extent. Yesterday, as I sniffed my way through a conversation with Dr. O in a voice so nasal I seriously sounded like some sort of cartoon character, he asked me what I was taking and how long had it been now. I told him that it had been about a week now but I wasn't taking anything. He gave me such an exasperated look that it shamed me into going to the chemist and picking up some nasal spray and some tablets. Well, they're working. I can breathe through my nostrils again. But the itchy, irritated, sneezy, soreness is killing me!
And now it is just about time to go home and I haven't had one email all day. Not one. Not even work related (rare at the best of times anyway).
Nobody loves me today. Not even my Mummy?!
Lucky for me I have a bottle of wine at home with my name on it.
Edited to Add: The shop just called and they got the security thingie off of my jeans! Yay! AND they're open until 5:30 so I have time to get there to pick them up! Yay!
Maybe tomorrow will be better.