OK. So it’s been a busy few days…not for any particular reason…the heat just makes it seem so…whatever. Fine! I’ve been lazy! Again!
But seriously, the heat…and the dryness…we’re living in a desert out here…an island desert! Somebody, please, do a rain dance for us. The lawns are crunchy, the tanks are dry. Did you know that we get our household water by collecting it from our roofs and storing it in tanks below our houses?
Yes. Well. Not so much these days.
After the deluges we had a month or so ago, when we thought we might get flooded, some of the trees and shrubs are absolutely loving this. They have used it all up and are putting forth a display, with all the current sunshine, that is in my memory unrivalled.
I went out and took some photos of one of my favourite trees, the Royal Poinciana. In full bloom this tree is magnificent…you can hardly see the leaves for the blossoms. And if you look closely, each individual bloom itself is SO lovely! My pictures are of the tree at Admiralty House just around the corner from my house. I have never seen it in such a glorious display.


This afternoon was Lucas’s 3rd birthday party. I spent a very pleasant afternoon with lots of kiddos, lots of Jill’s family, and after it all we sat on the patio, sucking down our cigs, discussing out plans to give up. Right.
Everyone had a good time, though cake is a tad over-rated for me and always has been.
No one got hurt, although Cole, Lucas’s cousin, let his balloon go the minute he stepped outside the front door so we owe the ecology, and possibly one hapless turtle, our apologies….’course how were we to know he would let it go in the open air, just as they had been doing inside all afternoon? Doh. Lucas was very concerned about this and asked questions ad naseum afterwards…think I may still be fielding them when we get to the beach tomorrow!
For his birthday I bought Lucas a mask (in the shape of a giraffe…cause giraffes are known beach lovers??? Only one they had!} and a flotation vest . We are going to have SO much fun looking at the things under the water in the rock pools….and I will have great relief not having to carry that full weight through the surf!

I have been going through my collection of quotes and poems recently. One of my faves is:

I come again with greetings new,
To tell you day is well begun;
To say the leaves are fresh with dew
And dappled in the early sun;
To tell how over everything
Delight is blowing in the air –
I know not yet what I shall sing
I only know the song is there.

I have always attributed this to Keats, don’t know why. Have googled it and all…still nothing…if anyone knows where this comes from let me know!

It came up at the Minton dinner table this evening that Bermuda is the second most isolated island in the world. Hard to believe when New York and Boston are a mere 2 hours away via airway and Miami and Toronto a mere three hour flight.
We did do a little Wikipedia search, but the BBQ beckoned and we abandoned our investigation.
Continuing it at home, these are the facts I came up with:
Bouvet Island, a Norwegian island 994 miles to the south of Antartica is THE most remote island in the world but for some reason they don’t include it as it is uninhabited.
Tristan de Cunha, part of the British Crown Colony of St. Helena, is 1,750 miles from South Africa in the south Atlantic, and is considered the most remote inhabited island.
Bermuda, 640 miles from the USA in the north Atlantic is considered 2nd, but as it consists of more than 130 separate islands, this honour is sometimes disputed.
But…..Tristan de Cunha is an archipelago as well and no one is disputing their placing. Be fair oh thou gods of lists and statistics…or at least be consistent!

Ashley was at dinner tonight…in fact I think he was somewhat the reason for tonight’s impromptu gathering (like we’ve ever needed an excuse) as he and Lecia leave to visit her family in western Canada tomorrow… for a whole two weeks! Holy crap! Must have a BBQ to see them off!! Anyhoooo…he brought a disc of pics from a recent dive out at the tower at Argus Banks (long way off Bermuda) which he described as the Jurassic Park for fish. And yeah, the huge schools of huge fish were certainly impressive. Unfortunately they also captured shots of a few (he said they saw about 6 in total) Lion fish. They have been illegally introduced to local waters recently by disgruntled aquarium owners and have taken a very firm foothold. It’s a shame as they are very predatory fish and detrimental to the fine balance of our reef life, and we are fighting hard to save what is the most environmentally unchanged reef in the world. Elsewhere global warming and shrinking seas are causing reef bleaching. Being the most northern reef in the world, we are still unchanged by this. As yet. Not that the Lion fish are going to affect that, but it is a fine balance out there and any change to the worse is worrying.

Gem: As I swam out through the surf with Lucas on Sunday afternoon, it was quite rough and I battled to jump above each wave crest that I would normally just dive through, wondering all the while if my arms would give out (he’s a very solid 3 year old!), and Lucas was shouting with pure joy.
Then he looked at me with his chubby little grin and said “I am so happy.”
Well, buddy, if you are then so am I. How simple is that?

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
But I wonder, if Frankie-boy had ever turned around and called her an ugly old bag, or dropped her like a hot potato once he reached the White House, would she have had to add a caveat? “…without your consent. Uh, depending who that person might be.”

Because let’s face it, what she says is true. It is our choice how we feel about anything, everything, how others behave towards us, or the things they say. And if we feel inferior, it is because we are allowing ourselves to feel so. We have chosen to feel that way.
We are supposed to use our self-esteem and self-confidence to know our self worth and realise that the thing said/done against us has more to do with the issues the person who said/did it is facing, rather than with the person it is directed at.

But…and of course there’s a but!....if that person is someone you love and trust and respect, someone whose advice and counsel you rely on, when that person tells you that you are worthless…well, what are you supposed to think?
It is still ultimately true that it is more a reflection of them than of you, but how can you not take it to heart at the time?

When you love and trust another person, you automatically hand them the power to hurt you. Like it or not. And it’s WAY hard to get past. You have to go through a whole exercise of picking up the shreds of your ego and putting it back together again. Desperately trying to remember exactly why you ever thought you were worth it in the first place.
And the next step is to withdraw that automatically bestowed consent.
Learn your lesson properly and that person will never be able to make you feel inferior again.

As it turns out, Mrs. Roosevelt was also the person that inspired ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me’, which is a modern bastardisation of her quote, “If someone betrays you once, it is their fault; if they betray you twice, it is your fault.”
Oh yeah, Eleanor definitely knew she needed that caveat.

Dud...but then....

Last night was the big party for the Newport to Bermuda yacht race. Usually such a great party…this year, not so much.
I really wasn’t in the mood for a party but got dragged along by Jillian and Michelle…all Jillian had to say was, “Steeeppphhhh….” and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay at home and wallow in misery in peace!
And of course I’m glad I went. It’s another one of those events where you see people you haven’t seen since the last time. Ridiculous considering we live on 26 square miles and you could fit our entire population into a football stadium! So last night was catch up with the yachties night…and a chance to ogle at some very yummy sailors!!
And you can never be miserable for long when you’re out with that pair. Jillian and I could have a laugh regardless where we are, but with Michelle for entertainment…well, let’s just say that Michelle is done after just 2 drinks, really, that’s kind of her limit…a bit of a lightweight. Thing is, she doesn’t stop there and she gets extra flirtatious when she’s drunk…there is no entertainment quite like drunk Michelle.
But the party itself was a real flop. The yachty crowd were not mingling as much as usual. The bar situation was really badly organised and it took AGES to get a drink. And there was a certain social element in attendance that gave it a seedy, dangerous edge. They were probably drawn by one of the bands, Home Grown, who play a pretty hardcore reggae set, and since it was free and security was completely absent, they were out in force. I heard this afternoon that there was a stabbing later in the night. I can only hope that the gangs were infighting and it wasn’t some hapless visitor who was victim.
The other band, the only one that we saw, are called Secret Po Po. I saw them recently in the back room at Docksiders and was most impressed. They range in age between 17 and 19, and yet they have a varied playlist and an impressive stage presence. Unfortunately last night they sounded tinny and the lead singer off key. Maybe it was the set up, maybe the outdoor staging, maybe just a bad day at the office. Shame.
After 2 Corona Light (or sorry is it ‘Lite’ =S) and a very crappy glass of (ug) chardonnay, I’d had enough, so had Jillian. Not so Michelle! With here raring to go into town we left her in like-minded company and started to head out.
So a night I thought I wouldn’t enjoy at all, in fact resisted to the last minute, turned out to be just fine, fun in fact, despite the event itself being a dud.
Now, recently I’ve been putting a lot of things aside, not just painting, or laundry, or cleaning the bathtub. But people too. And tonight, in addition to actually having fun, 2 things happened to turn the night around in a big way.
First, earlier in the evening I got a call from my friend John in Sweden. Haven’t spoken to him in a little while since I told him I was committed elsewhere….ha! Anyways he’s missed me and still wants to come visit! It may be too late now to arrange a visit for the summer but Christmas is the next idea, and if I make it to Scotland (as is the vague plan, shhhhh! don’t say anything to my mum and dad) John will fly over to Edinburgh to meet me there. Just a shame this summer’s visit may not pan out due to a whole pile of bullshit.
And second, just as Jillian and I were deciding to leave I got a call from CK, my old FWB, who I have been ignoring due to the same pile of bullshit mentioned before. He came and picked me up and as we walked Jillian to her car she turned around to see us holding hands (WELL…it has been a while and all!) and said she wished she had a camera! Erm…no. But it sure was good to see him again. And at least I woke up with a smile this morning!

The Monday morning blues?...It's Wednesday evening!!!!

I am definitely using writing as a catharsis just now. And a distraction plus focus rolled in one. These days if I am not doing something I am completely focused on I find myself wandering around the apartment, with laundry piling up, cleaning chores not doing themselves, pressing matters not taken care of and, dammit, food not cooking itself! How I wish I could lose myself in any one of those tasks. Of course, also wish I was a better writer so that it might be worth it…oh well.

Over the past few months I have also found it difficult to settle into my usual evening/weekend pastimes. There has been a sense of anticipation that made it almost impossible to sit still enough to paint, read or play the piano. It had seemed worth it, a little hiatus, a vacation if you will, whilst I waited for something more important to play out.

How I wish I could settle down to them now. I will have to re-read whole chapters just to remind myself exactly where Robert the Bruce was when I last left him. I will have to have every door and window shut tight when I finally sit down at the piano, only to spare the neighbours the sound of my rusty mistakes. My paintings in progress are covered in a fine layer of dust and I barely remember what I was doing with them.

“So! Just get on with it!” I hear you say.
Good news is that I actually managed to get one load of laundry in the washer…whites….yay! Edited to add: AND in and out of the dryer!
But I simply can’t focus on any of it. The Bruce was, last I remember, having a raging, blatant affair with Christina of the Isles whilst his wife languishes under English guard, but I know I had gotten beyond that and FFS I don’t want to have to go back to that part again. I have WAY too many romantic songs in my pathetic repertoire, which sound merely melancholic right now, even when plunked out so poorly (or maybe that is why?) And I feel too inadequate even to pick up my brushes to paint something for Lucas’s birthday…never mind finish the painting that is Danielle’s wedding gift.

I hate what has happened.

I went round to Bruce’s for a shot of ‘reality’ and felt not SO bad…but home again and yeah, still no answers. Can’t even bother combing the rat tails out of my hair following my shower…feel lucky I even managed a shower!

Maybe there’s someone out there who wants a smelly, dread-locked and disillusioned woman? Never know, might get lucky with that. I’ll keep you posted.

Meet my friends....

The 2008 Annual Round the Island Seagull Race was held this past Saturday.

This is the first year that I have not been either a) racing, b) crash-boating, or c) timing boats in....I was too busy having a melt down, or something. I eventually decided to go down for the after-party to cheer myself up, and it was worth it for Alison's t-shirt alone!...'Will sell husband for wine' indeed.

As I left the house to head down to the boat club late in the afternoon, I could already hear the music and the shouting....no one can talk at a normal sound level after having been stuck next to a Seagull engine all day!...besides they are, of course, all completely intoxicated.It's always a great chance to see people...some you only see once a year for this event...they come out of the woodwork a couple of weeks prior to spiff up the boat and get the engine in working order. And at the end of the evening, with the BBQ over and the prizes handed out, they p-ting their way into the sunset, until next year.Since I don't have a great story and a ton of beautiful photographs I thought I'd include this YouTube link to the LookTV video of last year's race http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6owwo_m4QNo&feature=PlayList&p=60F62AD7F79C9E20&index=0 It's an absolute classic! For full drunken entertainment value you have to watch to the end...and I love the one girl's remark in the comments section, "they're all drunk". 10 out of 10 for observation.

Sauna anyone?

My tan is proof that we have certainly had some gorgeous weather...but summer kicked in with a bang last week. We never get that actually hot here in Bermuda. Our summer highs are really quite comfortable in the high F80's, rarely going over F90, and being an island we have the blessing of sea breezes...being a very narrow island those breezes reach everywhere.
Sounds idyllic doesn't it?
Maybe it would be if it wasn't for the humidity. It's damp in the winter...making it feel colder than it actually is...and in the summer? whoa! sauna.

Tonight we sat in the garden at Minton for a farewell dinner for Lucy, who is heading home to Mexico to tend to her cancer-ridden mother who has just been given a very poor prognosis.
It was a bittersweet occasion. Many people were congratulating Bruce and Lucy on their newly announced engagement. And we had a cake...with sparklers!!! smuggled into the island by a friend and donated for the occasion....household fireworks are illegal in Bermuda! =(.....to celebrate Lucy's 30th birthday. Which we were supposed to celebrate next week. And as always the food was amazing and the company...er, entertaining! Ha ha! Anyone who has had dinner at Bruce's knows what I mean!
But still. The farewell part. We know we will see Lucy again soon...hasta la pronto, I think she said? But as we sat there, with Lucy feeling terrible, but putting a brave face on, and I trying to reassure her that, of course she was doing the right thing, she said in her charmingly broken English, '' The problem is, I don't know what to feel. I don't want to go so soon after I arrived and I want to come back as soon as possible. But I know that coming back will mean my mother is gone.''
What do you say to that???
I looked her in the eyes, as they teared up, and said ''You have to do what you must. And you will be strong for your mother. You will give her joy by being there and that is the greatest thing you can do for her at the moment.''
She nodded. How inadequate it seemed.

I'm sorry. What was my original point???? Oh yes, humidity!! In the past few days the humidity has sat in the 90's. % that is for those of you that don't have to deal with it.
Everything is wet. My hair won't dry. A towel used for a shower the day before is still damp when you reach for it.
Tonight sitting in the garden it was actually palpable. You could feel the wetness settling on your skin...exactly like it was starting to sprinkle with rain, but the sky was clear.
Yes. Summer is here. And all good Bermudians, having moaned all winter about the cold (sorry all northeners), will now start to moan about the heat. Especially the humidity!
I keep reminding myself that my grandmother always said that humidity is a skin's best friend.
And I have to admit that I am only bothered by it Monday through Friday....if I didn't have to work in it maybe I wouldn't mind it at all.

But, no. I, like all other Onions, I'm bitching...hard...

Taken last week not last night but this Lecia, Lucy, Bruce and I.....