Thursday, 29 July 2010
Memories, old and new....
On the first of these we drove to Glencoe......
Each time, off Jonny would go to ski the good stuff at the top of the mountain leaving me to explore the lower mountainside.
I loved just hiking my way up to wherever we had decided to meet up....usually some half-point which included food and beverage!! Camera in hand I was totally happy.
On the Glencoe trip I reached the little 'chalet' early and, having had a hot chocolate and a bridie, I decided to head up the ski trail a little to video Jonny as he skied down. I found a small outcrop of rock with no snow and thought this might be a place to sit and wait.
Despite the cold air and surrounding snow, I myself was feeling warm from the hike and the sun was shining...yes, in Scotland! I felt the mossy-looking rock before sitting down on it, expecting it to be either damp or sun-warmed but it was cool and dry. I sat and looked around me. So this was Glencoe, and this was the Highlands.
It reminded me of our summer vacations to Scotland when I was younger. We had driven into the Highlands many times but we really just seemed to drive...stopping to eat lunch, stopping at an outlook to take a picture, and stopping at the next B&B. Almost as if driving was the destination for my parents! And it possibly was. It's entirely possible that simply to get four kids and themselves into a car and 'going' somewhere was enough.
Don't get me wrong, the drives were fun enough. My Dad is good, fun company and I loved how fast he drove compared to the 20mph speed limit in Bermuda.
And Mum always tried to make the journeys exciting. We never did go to Loch Ness but passed plenty of other lochs, and on passing one such Mum announced that we were passing Loch Ness and ought to be on the lookout for Nessie. Being the oldest I was in on these little diversions (unfortunately!) and we would drive around the loch with Mum, Dad and me saying "There!", "No, look over there!" and "Wait! I see something...I saw Nessie THERE!" The boys would be jumping around the back seat trying to get a better view and desperate for a glimpse of the Monster!
Those drives through that wild and beautiful countryside were pure magic. Winding roads with small streams coming down the mountain on one side, right over the road and down further still to the loch below on the other side. It always amazed me how these streams widened and flattened enough for us to simply drive right through!
We would stop occasionally at the odd touristy look out spot but we never explored, never hiked or climbed, and as it was summer we didn't ski, toboggan or sled. Which, since these were foreign activities to a bunch of island kids, we never missed. But looking back it seems a shame and certainly must have been severely frustrating to the as-yet-unleashed-extreme-wintersportsman in my brother Jonathan!!
And so, here we were, I'd accompanied Jonny on a ski day to Glencoe and we were finally doing the things we'd never dreamt we'd love doing all those years ago.
Jonny was way at the top of the mountain skiing to his heart's content. And I, a little hiked-out for the moment, resting on a bracken covered rock surveying the beauty of the Scottish Highlands.
It really was a beautiful sun-shiney day and I was feeling warm in my layers. Large patches of snow surrounded me and, while I reminded myself to thank Jonny for thinking to give me his spare ski poles for the climb (and thank goodness, they were very necessary a number of times!) I used one pole to poke at the closest patch of icy snow, fully expecting it to melt in the sun. And yet it didn't. As much as I poked and broke it up it clung to it's sparkling crystalline form as if to say "NO! I will NOT be reduced to mere water!!"
Monday, 26 July 2010
New theme song?
I had never heard this song before and it is a bit Bonnie and Clyde but I do love it and find myself dancing around my kitchen, singing along....for the 1 trillion times I've listened to it since! Lol!
I find it fascinating when friends share this stuff with me! Like, why would he think of me? Who knows...but I'm glad he did...my cardio workout has just got a boost!
Friday, 9 July 2010
Period of reflection
I can't quite wrap my mind around it, what happened.
I can't quite figure out that great "WHY"
Just *POOF* one day to another and it was ALL gone.
No goodbye.
No fare thee well.
Nothing.
My creative processes have been limited to the one we shared, photography. And even then, every time I look at my photos I know which he would like, which he would ask about, which he would suggestively critique....and I don't want to look at them any longer because I want that conversation, I want his input, I want his praise. Just as much as I long to see his own photographs and to admire them.
I cannot seem to pick up a paintbrush or 'pen' and write.
It is so limiting as I am accustomed to writing down everything, somewhere...or releasing emotion in colour onto a canvas.
I am beginning to learn to cope, I guess. I am not unhappy, that would be too unatural a state for me, but I am not my *self*. There is an oily coating of sadness that sticks to everything. I am a bit lost, as if my compass has vanished. And empty, as if a part of my heart, my soul, had gone AWOL. I miss too much. I could never have imagined a life without his laugh. And my own laugh has not been the same since...maybe never will.
I am in the midst of plans to leave my beloved Bermuda and return to the proverbial bosom of my family in Scotland...the only cure for love, or the loss of it, is love.
I am hoping that somehow, somewhere, someway, I will find *me* again.....the part that he took with him.
Unfortunately my period of reflection still only shows me what could have been...I guess I am not ready to contemplate what *is*...and even more unable to envision what could be, a future devoid of him. But there is always hope and so I keep ploding forward and smile as much as I can stand to do.
Bless you my Beloved. You brought me so much joy and often seemed not to know that. You lit up my life even while you were in darkness. And I loved you more than you could ever have known. I pray for you, Monkey, every day...and every breath I take holds love for you. <3
Thursday, 10 June 2010
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
Sunday, 6 June 2010
Life is Wonderful
I will add excerpts from the journal as he lived in an interesting time under interesting circumstances but, having read the journal through I was struck by his closing note, written on the back pages. It reminded me that life cannot be lived with regrets. And I have set the record straight with him, that I, amongst everyone that I know, am the most openly loved and supported 'daughter' that I know. I will never, ever, forget that. Or this....here are his closing words.....
Well Steph,
Finished at last. It has been a few years in the penning but I hope you enjoy reading the contents. I'm only sorry that this journal is going back to Bermuda with you and you are going with it.
Writing has led me many times to think about life in general and one aspect in particular. Regret.
My big regret in life regardless of the reasons, has been that I have never spent enough time with you or your brothers, to be near you all and try to be some help in your paths through life.
For yourself - to see you grow into such a beautiful, self assured, confident and self-supporting woman with precious little help from your Dad fills me with so much pride and not just me, but your Mother too.
I'm sure you know, but it is always worth repeating that you are always in our thoughts at home. You are loved so very dearly Steph.
To see you again after such a while has been such a joy and I sincerely hope I will be around the next time. I couldn't bear to wait too long to see you again.
Look after yourself my precious daughter, keep in touch as I know you will, keep in good health and God bless you always.
Your ever loving,
Dad xxoo
Dignity
I think I will name my boat that one day..........
Sunday, 30 May 2010
Live Like We're Dying!
♥
RIP Dennis Hopper.....
Rest with the angels both of you....great men in your own ways.
I have had this poem close at hand throughout my life as words to live by....although I originally came to it through Jungle Book!
Thank you regardless.
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Made my day!
Tuesday, 25 May 2010
Bermuda from the air
Here I sit on this tiny patch of coral in the middle of nowhere! 26 square miles, made up of over 300 islands, never ever further than a half mile from the sea, and 600-odd miles off the coast of North Carolina.
Our whole population could fit in a football stadium!!
Thursday, 20 May 2010
My Daddy's limerick about ME!
Yeah, cheesy, I know. But it's the kind of thing I'm a sucker for.
In the front of each book I wrote that I hoped they wouldn't find it too tedious or silly to do and that I'd love reading it if/when they were done.
Well, my Mum's is still a work in progress, (Apparently! I'm not sure how true this is as she always has her nose in a crossword puzzle, or her book, or her knitting when she is not working around the house so who knows when it would be getting done!!) but on my recent trip home my Dad returned his to me.
It was just before I was leaving and I was too emotional to do more than hug him in thanks, but I have been slowly digesting the contents since getting back to Bermuda.
It is at turns funny, thoughtful, thought-provoking, hilarious, sentimental and above all very wise and FULL of love. And although I've heard stories all my life of my Dad before I 'knew' him, this book is such a treasure trove of glimpses into his life and what he thought and felt about it all.
For instance, I knew he had been in the Royal Air Force but I never knew that he had dreamed of being a pilot his whole young life...not that he actually ever was a pilot, (that fell to my brother, Jonathan, and my Dad lives vicariously through that accomplishment) he was a radar technician.
And he writes an addendum at the end of the book in which he tells his only regret...and it has nothing to do with not flying fighter jets. It is that he didn't spend more time with me and my brothers. I never knew that.
Anyway, the book is so interesting I will be sharing much of it here. These are the memories of a man who grew up during WWII, who went to a Catholic boarding school at age six, who lived a priviledged lifestyle as a young man and then had to make his own 'wealth', a man who loved his family whole-heartedly but struck out - off to the other side of the world (as it seemed then) to come to Bermuda and seek his destiny (of course that's where I get it from!) and make a new family.
The first entry I'll share came from the question, 'Make up a limerick about yourself', and Dad writes:
"Can't think of one now ain't that sad,
Not a very intelligent Dad.
Might have done better when I was a lad,
But at least I tried and for that I'm glad"
The next question asks for a limerick about me, and Dad writes:
"Stephanie was a gorgeous baby, a regular little dearie,
But when she wouldn't sleep at night she made us awful weary.
Now little things like that are soon forgot with just a little smile,
What's not forgot after all these years, it was a trillion times worthwhile.
- Dad"
"sniff"
Aw. GOTTA love my Dad!!
Saturday, 15 May 2010
It's just a little rain.....
You are the sunlight in my growing - so little warmth I've felt before.
It isn't hard to feel me glowing - I watched the fire that grew so low.
It is the summer of my smiles - flee from me Keepers of the Gloom.
Speak to me only with your eyes. It is to you I give this tune.
Ain't so hard to recognize - These things are clear to all from
time to time.
Talk Talk - I've felt the coldness of my winter
I never thought YOU would ever go. I cursed the gloom that set upon us...
But I know that I love you so
These are the seasons of emotion and like the winds they rise and fall
This is the wonder of devotion - I seek the torch we all must hold.
This is the mystery of the quotient - Upon us all a little rain must fall...It's just a little rain...
Led Zeppelin – The Rain Song
Because sometimes someone else just says it better than you ever could.
Saturday, 1 May 2010
Visiting the Motherland
Having not been back for a while, it was great to be surrounded by my MASSIVE, WONDERFUL family and have a ton of laughs with them.
And Scotland is so incredibly beautiful....I'd kinda forgotten. What an amazing city Edinburgh is, with the Castle, all the monuments, and Arthur's Seat right smack dab in the middle of the city. How easy it is to be out of the city and suddenly be in the beautiful, untamed, SO historical Scottish highlands. The Wallace monument was closed but we drove past it on our way through Stirling and I swear I felt a surge in my blood as "FREEDOM!!" rang in my ears!
We had quite a few family get-togethers, I climbed a lot of hills and mountains, scrambled around a bunch of ruins, and spent plenty of quality time with my Mum, Dad and younger brothers, whom I simply <3!
Given the Hunter family's proclivity for humour and high jinx there are many funny, silly stories but probably the funniest thing that happened didn't involve a single Hunter but instead my friend Mirelle.....
We'd gone up to Aviemore, my brother Jonny wanted to go skiing and Mirelle and I went along for the ride, the hiking, and the sight-seeing. After Jonny had gone off to the top Mirelle and I started our hike. But, holy cow, the snow was so deep and we were wearing regular walking boots. After we crossed this one foot bridge and we trudged through the snow a bit we discussed the merits of going back to the chalet for some mulled wine to wait for Jonny to come down for the pre-apointed video-op...and as Mirelle was putting forth her vote for the warmth of the fireplace we had just had lunch at, I felt my foot sink. And sink more. My face must have been a picture as I slowly sank...one leg...all the way down. As I 'lay/sat', my right leg completely engulfed by the snow we were walking on, my left leg sprawled on the surface and my hands grappling at the snow in front of me, desperately trying to get a decent grip, well, panic struck. In the very brief time this happened I realised that "holy crap! what just happened???!!! holy crap! this is COLD! OMG I can move my foot around wtf is up with that? if I pull my leg up will my boot come off, and then I'll be walking around the Highlands in my sock! oh shit, what if my sock comes off....why isn't Mirelle helping me??? STOP LAUGHING MIRELLE AND HELP ME!!!"
She didn't. She couldn't. She was doubled over laughing...and frankly she hasn't stopped yet. Mention it to her and she will be a laugh-puddle instantly. Biatch.
Anyhoo...I pulled my leg out, boot, sock and all and we went back to drink mulled wine til Jonny was Kodak-ready.
Heading out to video the ski-stud we crossed another foot bridge further down from the unfortunate sinking incident and realised that I had sunk right above the raging river of melting snow. Just how much more worse the situation could have been sent shivers down my spine (visions of having sunk all the way through and body-rafting my way down the mountain....yikes!) and sent Mirelle into another fit of giggles. Friends. Hmmph.
I'll diary the trip soon, photos and all...oooooh!! betcha can't wait!....but for now I'm back home. It's gorgeous weather and, following this weekend, I'm a tad sunburned. But all I know right now is that I can't wait to go back...I miss my family and I miss beautiful Scotland.
BLONDE!
Saturday, 20 February 2010
Where do I live again?????
Last night it was 58F, tonight it's 56F....and it's been like this all winter. Never mind the storms. So I hear you all saying "Whaaa? That's not cold you wimp!"
While I am a self-confessed wimp, I also ask that you remember that we don't have heat in our homes. The houses are built to release heat and admit breezes and I am sitting in front of a little space heater, occasionally going to warm my hands by running hot water over them!
And yes, I am grateful for both the heater and the hot water, and the breeze-admitting roof over my head...
What it really got me thinking about was the whole 'Global Warming' debate.
Global Warming is a catch phrase that is such a misnomer.
Climate Change is better but still doesn't really cover it.
We have done so much damage to this planet from carelessness and it has caught up with us, that is scientific fact.
Yes, there are cycles that the Earth goes through, but it is agreed scientifically that this is not one of them.
And the term 'global warming' misleads the uninformed....they are expecting that suddenly winters and summers will both be warmer.
In actuality, while the planet's core temperature raises what it does is produce extremes in the atmospheric climate on the surface. Winters will be more severe, summers will be more severe, there will be more violent, frequent and freaky weather patterns. Sound familiar?
They've been trying to come up with a new name for the global warming phenomena, and they are actually thinking of including the word 'freak'!! Love it.
So anyway, I live on a bunch of patches of coral and limestone, 26 square miles in total, sitting on the rim of an extinct volcano in the middle of the Atlantic.
And it's effin' freezing right now!
Just wait til July when I start complaining about the heat!!
Sunday, 14 February 2010
Having a laugh on V-day...
"Nah, we don't celebrate it. Don't know who St. Valentine was, don't give a shit, and doubt he wants people screwing in his memory."
Excellent point of view!
And so I'm off for my Very Hot Valentine's date.....an afternoon with Lucas, age 4 and 7 months. Don't forget the 7 months!! He's not 4 anymore, and he's not 5 yet. Apparently this is very important. Must have something to do with nursery school hierachy?
Anyway...in the meantime...sending all my love to the other side of the world.
Dear Hallmark...
Thank you so much for giving us this day to remind us to tell the ones we love that we love them.
Good for you...without you we may never think to do that!!
Sincerely,
Who????????????
Good grief...it's pretty sad. Love is something to be celebrated every day, not just this one day in February. Tell the person you love that you love them whenever you get the chance!!!
Frankly, I prefer those everyday little expressions of love over the once-yearly-only shower of flowers, chocolate and a cheesy store-bought card.
Ug!
The incessant roar as the wind howls around the house, the constant racket as it tortures the palm trees and banana grove, the cabin fever starting from not being able to get out and about!!! UG!
The best I can say about it is that the wind at my back made the long uphill walk from the store this afternoon A LOT quicker!
Hmm. What a whingey, whiney post. I better come up with something to be grateful for PDQ!!
Life. Love. Family. Friends. Laughter. Joy. There we go, much better!
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Erm...isn't this February?
As a result we are expecting hurricane force winds as of tomorrow afternoon with torrential rain. Unfortunately the winds pick up over the ocean and *fortunately* the snow turns to rain.
It's about to really blow....and that has been SO consistent this winter. It's as if hurricane season has shifted and not limited to the usual time slot. Bah!
And I have a leak in my rain pants.
The upside is that when the sun does come out it is SOOOOOOO appreciated!!
Saturday, 6 February 2010
Fundraising for Haiti
But honestly? I'm really only including the photo because I like it! :-)
However, the week before one of the other bars in town held a fundraiser as well. I couldn't go but still wanted to contribute and the thought of going down to The Bistro and just giving them my $20 cover charge anyway seemed so inadequate.
I'd been feeling really bad, watching the devastation, that I haven't been able to do more. I'm sure I'm like a lot of other people who wish they could just go down there and DO something practical....help clean up, rebuild, help the medical teams and the relief workers.
A few nights before the event I spotted a poster that I had been thinking of putting up on ebay. Since I know Rick, the owner of The Bistro, I called and asked if he might want to try auctioning it off and see what he might get for it. He thought it was a great idea and came and picked it up.
Tuesday, 2 February 2010
So exciting!
THE idea!
No. Of course I'm not going to tell you. You might steal it, you sneaky little people! :-)
Now all I have to do is wait for the pieces to fall into place. And they will! I can't wait!!
Wednesday, 27 January 2010
Missing
I miss them....but I know they loved me....I know that they know that I loved them...and I am sure that their love stays with me, in my heart. They stay with me.
I have never lost someone I love, who is still here on this earth, but is simply lost to me.
It's a grief you can't really grapple with, can't come to terms with.
To know there is someone at the other end of the press of the send button that you really, really want to tell something to...really, really want to ask a question of...really, REALLY want to know if they're OK.
But you can't.
How do you get through that? How do you move on?
Bleeaagh!
Sunday, 24 January 2010
I FLY Monkey!
But more importantly, tell them you love them.
Tell them the joy they have brought you.
Let the ones you love go *with love*
Love is all that matters <3
Saturday, 23 January 2010
Oooooooh!....
I'm all snuggled up....safe, dry and warm...probably going to lose power soon.
No better reason to shut the lids and drift off into dreamland...
All that's missing is my spoon!
Tuesday, 19 January 2010
A funny thing happened on the road to Akaroa....
Anyway, we still had the morning to fill and Richard suggested that we take a drive out to Akaroa, even though they were not doing the dolphin tours at that time of year it was still a beautiful place and worth a look-see. Since it was only a 45 minute drive out of Christchurch we decided this was a good idea. And it was. Akaroa is a gorgeous little town and high on the list of places to spend more time in....next time!As we got out of the city and into the countryside we encountered some pretty heavy local traffic. Yes, this farmer is herding the cattle from a dirt bike!
Wednesday, 13 January 2010
Saying so long to 2009....and heeeellllllooooooo 2010!!
I hope you enjoy these fireworks from the holiday celebrations here in Bermuda. This was also the finale of our island's 400th birthday celebrations, which have been going on all year.
Apologies in advance if you get a crick in your neck watching the video portion...I just could not figure out how to turn it around! And apologies also if you feel a tad seasick watching it....I was on a boat afterall, not the most stable place to film a video! Woops.
NB: Some of the still photo credits go to blackandcoke.com Most of mine were pretty rubbish.
The music is 'Time To Say Goodbye' by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli...a beautiful and fitting song for the end of one decade and the beginning of a brand spanking new one. It's generally believed that this is a sad song, only about saying goodbye. It is actually about love....letting go of loneliness, and heading off on a great adventure with someone you love. Oh yes it is!
This is what we found........
Uh.....okey-dokey then.
Now, we did of course realise that this was not *actual* cocaine...doh!...we just thought it was strange that a company would think this was a good marketing strategy!
And then we read the label on the back.......
Do they really need to explain that??? "Idiot" is being kind I'd say!
In any case we bought it as Jill was in dire need of a pick-me-up....and it is FOUL! It tastes like utter piss!
So, my recommendation? Don't try it...no matter what you think it contains!
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
I want to fly like an eagle....
Watching the bit where the Gosshawk is flying through the forest brought back memories of the simulated 'shuttle' ride at the Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas many years ago. Lucky it's a very short clip...and I haven't eaten lunch yet!
In any case, this is a must watch....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lswBDZuL-8w