The Hogfishbeacon

Transition

2011-04-03T00:05:00.002-04:00

Life is full of transition and change...some things are easy, some more difficult.
During this past year or so I feel like I have been through the wringer. Change, change, change on every front....some of it feels as if it has been foisted upon me, some I have sought...none of it has been easy or without pain of some sort or another.
It is time to STOP resisting and go with the flow.
From now on I will not push against the barriers....rather, I will glide on the wing. I will surf the wave. I will breathe, seek happiness in every moment, and just be.

Memories, old and new....

2010-07-29T21:58:00.016-04:00

On my recent trip home to Scotland my brother and I went on a few road trips...he wanted a companion on the drive to the ski areas and I wanted to see and hike the countryside...perfect!
On the first of these we drove to Glencoe......

Each time, off Jonny would go to ski the good stuff at the top of the mountain leaving me to explore the lower mountainside.

I loved just hiking my way up to wherever we had decided to meet up....usually some half-point which included food and beverage!! Camera in hand I was totally happy.
On the Glencoe trip I reached the little 'chalet' early and, having had a hot chocolate and a bridie, I decided to head up the ski trail a little to video Jonny as he skied down. I found a small outcrop of rock with no snow and thought this might be a place to sit and wait.

Despite the cold air and surrounding snow, I myself was feeling warm from the hike and the sun was shining...yes, in Scotland! I felt the mossy-looking rock before sitting down on it, expecting it to be either damp or sun-warmed but it was cool and dry. I sat and looked around me. So this was Glencoe, and this was the Highlands.

It reminded me of our summer vacations to Scotland when I was younger. We had driven into the Highlands many times but we really just seemed to drive...stopping to eat lunch, stopping at an outlook to take a picture, and stopping at the next B&B. Almost as if driving was the destination for my parents! And it possibly was. It's entirely possible that simply to get four kids and themselves into a car and 'going' somewhere was enough.
Don't get me wrong, the drives were fun enough. My Dad is good, fun company and I loved how fast he drove compared to the 20mph speed limit in Bermuda.
And Mum always tried to make the journeys exciting. We never did go to Loch Ness but passed plenty of other lochs, and on passing one such Mum announced that we were passing Loch Ness and ought to be on the lookout for Nessie. Being the oldest I was in on these little diversions (unfortunately!) and we would drive around the loch with Mum, Dad and me saying "There!", "No, look over there!" and "Wait! I see something...I saw Nessie THERE!" The boys would be jumping around the back seat trying to get a better view and desperate for a glimpse of the Monster!
Those drives through that wild and beautiful countryside were pure magic. Winding roads with small streams coming down the mountain on one side, right over the road and down further still to the loch below on the other side. It always amazed me how these streams widened and flattened enough for us to simply drive right through!
We would stop occasionally at the odd touristy look out spot but we never explored, never hiked or climbed, and as it was summer we didn't ski, toboggan or sled. Which, since these were foreign activities to a bunch of island kids, we never missed. But looking back it seems a shame and certainly must have been severely frustrating to the as-yet-unleashed-extreme-wintersportsman in my brother Jonathan!!
And so, here we were, I'd accompanied Jonny on a ski day to Glencoe and we were finally doing the things we'd never dreamt we'd love doing all those years ago.
Jonny was way at the top of the mountain skiing to his heart's content. And I, a little hiked-out for the moment, resting on a bracken covered rock surveying the beauty of the Scottish Highlands.
It really was a beautiful sun-shiney day and I was feeling warm in my layers. Large patches of snow surrounded me and, while I reminded myself to thank Jonny for thinking to give me his spare ski poles for the climb (and thank goodness, they were very necessary a number of times!) I used one pole to poke at the closest patch of icy snow, fully expecting it to melt in the sun. And yet it didn't. As much as I poked and broke it up it clung to it's sparkling crystalline form as if to say "NO! I will NOT be reduced to mere water!!"

New theme song?

2010-07-26T00:46:00.000-04:00

So a friend of mine in Texas recently sent me a link to this song, saying that everytime it comes on the radio he just keeps seeing and thinking of me!
I had never heard this song before and it is a bit Bonnie and Clyde but I do love it and find myself dancing around my kitchen, singing along....for the 1 trillion times I've listened to it since! Lol!
I find it fascinating when friends share this stuff with me! Like, why would he think of me? Who knows...but I'm glad he did...my cardio workout has just got a boost!

Period of reflection

2010-07-09T00:25:00.002-04:00

I lost my best friend, the love of my life.
I can't quite wrap my mind around it, what happened.
I can't quite figure out that great "WHY"
Just *POOF* one day to another and it was ALL gone.

No goodbye.
No fare thee well.
Nothing.

My creative processes have been limited to the one we shared, photography. And even then, every time I look at my photos I know which he would like, which he would ask about, which he would suggestively critique....and I don't want to look at them any longer because I want that conversation, I want his input, I want his praise. Just as much as I long to see his own photographs and to admire them.

I cannot seem to pick up a paintbrush or 'pen' and write.
It is so limiting as I am accustomed to writing down everything, somewhere...or releasing emotion in colour onto a canvas.

I am beginning to learn to cope, I guess. I am not unhappy, that would be too unatural a state for me, but I am not my *self*. There is an oily coating of sadness that sticks to everything. I am a bit lost, as if my compass has vanished. And empty, as if a part of my heart, my soul, had gone AWOL. I miss too much. I could never have imagined a life without his laugh. And my own laugh has not been the same since...maybe never will.

I am in the midst of plans to leave my beloved Bermuda and return to the proverbial bosom of my family in Scotland...the only cure for love, or the loss of it, is love.
I am hoping that somehow, somewhere, someway, I will find *me* again.....the part that he took with him.
Unfortunately my period of reflection still only shows me what could have been...I guess I am not ready to contemplate what *is*...and even more unable to envision what could be, a future devoid of him. But there is always hope and so I keep ploding forward and smile as much as I can stand to do.

Bless you my Beloved. You brought me so much joy and often seemed not to know that. You lit up my life even while you were in darkness. And I loved you more than you could ever have known. I pray for you, Monkey, every day...and every breath I take holds love for you. <3

Betty White on SNL

2010-06-10T00:08:00.000-04:00

She is just BRILLIANT!!!!

2010-06-08T12:48:00.000-04:00

"When you come to the edge of all the light you have, and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on; or you will be taught how to fly." ~Patrick Overton

Life is Wonderful

2010-06-06T05:05:00.000-04:00

The journal my Dad wrote for me, and gave me before I returned from Scotland in April, has been such a blessing. I can't even imagine how I would know these things if I hadn't asked him to write them down. I know things I could never have thought to ask about, or that he would have never have thought to tell me. My Dad was SHY. Huh?? I would have never have guessed that...but the strange thing is that I am shy...VERY. And nobody guesses that either. Wonder where I get that from?!

I will add excerpts from the journal as he lived in an interesting time under interesting circumstances but, having read the journal through I was struck by his closing note, written on the back pages. It reminded me that life cannot be lived with regrets. And I have set the record straight with him, that I, amongst everyone that I know, am the most openly loved and supported 'daughter' that I know. I will never, ever, forget that. Or this....here are his closing words.....

Well Steph,
Finished at last. It has been a few years in the penning but I hope you enjoy reading the contents. I'm only sorry that this journal is going back to Bermuda with you and you are going with it.
Writing has led me many times to think about life in general and one aspect in particular. Regret.
My big regret in life regardless of the reasons, has been that I have never spent enough time with you or your brothers, to be near you all and try to be some help in your paths through life.
For yourself - to see you grow into such a beautiful, self assured, confident and self-supporting woman with precious little help from your Dad fills me with so much pride and not just me, but your Mother too.
I'm sure you know, but it is always worth repeating that you are always in our thoughts at home. You are loved so very dearly Steph.
To see you again after such a while has been such a joy and I sincerely hope I will be around the next time. I couldn't bear to wait too long to see you again.
Look after yourself my precious daughter, keep in touch as I know you will, keep in good health and God bless you always.
Your ever loving,
Dad xxoo

Dignity

2010-06-06T04:12:00.000-04:00

Scottish band Deacon Blue singing "Dignity"
I think I will name my boat that one day..........

I've got the bottle......

2010-06-06T02:59:00.000-04:00

Live Like We're Dying!

2010-05-30T20:46:00.000-04:00

"We only got 86,400 seconds in a day, to turn it all around or throw it all away. Gotta tell them that we love 'em when we got the chance to say. Gotta live like were dying"
♥

RIP Dennis Hopper.....

2010-05-30T02:07:00.000-04:00

Dennis Hopper reading "If" by Rudyard Kipling on the Johnny Cash Show...way back like, whenever! I love the way he says "it's written be an English guy"...is that an explanation, or an apology, or an excuse? LOL! I'll bet Dennis and Rudy are having a chuckle about this right about now!
Rest with the angels both of you....great men in your own ways.
I have had this poem close at hand throughout my life as words to live by....although I originally came to it through Jungle Book!
Thank you regardless.

Made my day!

2010-05-26T14:32:00.000-04:00

One of my favourite songs sung by what has to be one of the cutest little girls around!

Bermuda from the air

2010-05-25T23:31:00.002-04:00

Sometimes, when I give it some thought, I am quite amazed.
Here I sit on this tiny patch of coral in the middle of nowhere! 26 square miles, made up of over 300 islands, never ever further than a half mile from the sea, and 600-odd miles off the coast of North Carolina.
Our whole population could fit in a football stadium!!

It was such Bermudaful day to day and I SOOoooooo wished you were here!

2010-05-25T00:56:00.000-04:00

My Daddy's limerick about ME!

2010-05-20T22:17:00.002-04:00

Some time ago I sent my parents little books entitled "Mom, Share your life with me" and "Dad, Share your life with me." It's an entry-a-day type thing with a different question per day.

Yeah, cheesy, I know. But it's the kind of thing I'm a sucker for.
In the front of each book I wrote that I hoped they wouldn't find it too tedious or silly to do and that I'd love reading it if/when they were done.
Well, my Mum's is still a work in progress, (Apparently! I'm not sure how true this is as she always has her nose in a crossword puzzle, or her book, or her knitting when she is not working around the house so who knows when it would be getting done!!) but on my recent trip home my Dad returned his to me.

It was just before I was leaving and I was too emotional to do more than hug him in thanks, but I have been slowly digesting the contents since getting back to Bermuda.
It is at turns funny, thoughtful, thought-provoking, hilarious, sentimental and above all very wise and FULL of love. And although I've heard stories all my life of my Dad before I 'knew' him, this book is such a treasure trove of glimpses into his life and what he thought and felt about it all.
For instance, I knew he had been in the Royal Air Force but I never knew that he had dreamed of being a pilot his whole young life...not that he actually ever was a pilot, (that fell to my brother, Jonathan, and my Dad lives vicariously through that accomplishment) he was a radar technician.
And he writes an addendum at the end of the book in which he tells his only regret...and it has nothing to do with not flying fighter jets. It is that he didn't spend more time with me and my brothers. I never knew that.

Anyway, the book is so interesting I will be sharing much of it here. These are the memories of a man who grew up during WWII, who went to a Catholic boarding school at age six, who lived a priviledged lifestyle as a young man and then had to make his own 'wealth', a man who loved his family whole-heartedly but struck out - off to the other side of the world (as it seemed then) to come to Bermuda and seek his destiny (of course that's where I get it from!) and make a new family.

The first entry I'll share came from the question, 'Make up a limerick about yourself', and Dad writes:
"Can't think of one now ain't that sad,
Not a very intelligent Dad.
Might have done better when I was a lad,
But at least I tried and for that I'm glad"

The next question asks for a limerick about me, and Dad writes:
"Stephanie was a gorgeous baby, a regular little dearie,
But when she wouldn't sleep at night she made us awful weary.
Now little things like that are soon forgot with just a little smile,
What's not forgot after all these years, it was a trillion times worthwhile.
- Dad"
"sniff"
Aw. GOTTA love my Dad!!

Email from a friend...

2010-05-15T23:33:00.003-04:00

Tribute to George Harrison

It's just a little rain.....

2010-05-15T23:13:00.001-04:00

It is the springtime of my loving - the second season I am to know
You are the sunlight in my growing - so little warmth I've felt before.
It isn't hard to feel me glowing - I watched the fire that grew so low.

It is the summer of my smiles - flee from me Keepers of the Gloom.
Speak to me only with your eyes. It is to you I give this tune.
Ain't so hard to recognize - These things are clear to all from
time to time.

Talk Talk - I've felt the coldness of my winter
I never thought YOU would ever go. I cursed the gloom that set upon us...
But I know that I love you so

These are the seasons of emotion and like the winds they rise and fall
This is the wonder of devotion - I seek the torch we all must hold.
This is the mystery of the quotient - Upon us all a little rain must fall...It's just a little rain...

Led Zeppelin – The Rain Song

Because sometimes someone else just says it better than you ever could.

Visiting the Motherland

2010-05-01T22:15:00.004-04:00

So, I just returned from a trip to Scotland to visit the family. What was supposed to be ten days turned into three weeks thanks to an Icelandic volcano with an unpronounceable name!
Having not been back for a while, it was great to be surrounded by my MASSIVE, WONDERFUL family and have a ton of laughs with them.
And Scotland is so incredibly beautiful....I'd kinda forgotten. What an amazing city Edinburgh is, with the Castle, all the monuments, and Arthur's Seat right smack dab in the middle of the city. How easy it is to be out of the city and suddenly be in the beautiful, untamed, SO historical Scottish highlands. The Wallace monument was closed but we drove past it on our way through Stirling and I swear I felt a surge in my blood as "FREEDOM!!" rang in my ears!
We had quite a few family get-togethers, I climbed a lot of hills and mountains, scrambled around a bunch of ruins, and spent plenty of quality time with my Mum, Dad and younger brothers, whom I simply <3!
Given the Hunter family's proclivity for humour and high jinx there are many funny, silly stories but probably the funniest thing that happened didn't involve a single Hunter but instead my friend Mirelle.....
We'd gone up to Aviemore, my brother Jonny wanted to go skiing and Mirelle and I went along for the ride, the hiking, and the sight-seeing. After Jonny had gone off to the top Mirelle and I started our hike. But, holy cow, the snow was so deep and we were wearing regular walking boots. After we crossed this one foot bridge and we trudged through the snow a bit we discussed the merits of going back to the chalet for some mulled wine to wait for Jonny to come down for the pre-apointed video-op...and as Mirelle was putting forth her vote for the warmth of the fireplace we had just had lunch at, I felt my foot sink. And sink more. My face must have been a picture as I slowly sank...one leg...all the way down. As I 'lay/sat', my right leg completely engulfed by the snow we were walking on, my left leg sprawled on the surface and my hands grappling at the snow in front of me, desperately trying to get a decent grip, well, panic struck. In the very brief time this happened I realised that "holy crap! what just happened???!!! holy crap! this is COLD! OMG I can move my foot around wtf is up with that? if I pull my leg up will my boot come off, and then I'll be walking around the Highlands in my sock! oh shit, what if my sock comes off....why isn't Mirelle helping me??? STOP LAUGHING MIRELLE AND HELP ME!!!"
She didn't. She couldn't. She was doubled over laughing...and frankly she hasn't stopped yet. Mention it to her and she will be a laugh-puddle instantly. Biatch.
Anyhoo...I pulled my leg out, boot, sock and all and we went back to drink mulled wine til Jonny was Kodak-ready.
Heading out to video the ski-stud we crossed another foot bridge further down from the unfortunate sinking incident and realised that I had sunk right above the raging river of melting snow. Just how much more worse the situation could have been sent shivers down my spine (visions of having sunk all the way through and body-rafting my way down the mountain....yikes!) and sent Mirelle into another fit of giggles. Friends. Hmmph.
I'll diary the trip soon, photos and all...oooooh!! betcha can't wait!....but for now I'm back home. It's gorgeous weather and, following this weekend, I'm a tad sunburned. But all I know right now is that I can't wait to go back...I miss my family and I miss beautiful Scotland.

BLONDE!

2010-05-01T22:04:00.006-04:00

So my friend Bruce and his wife just got back from New Zealand. Generous lovies that they are they came home bearing gifts. Bruce handed me one of my gifts saying that he had seen it and immediately thought of me.....it's a coaster....
Hmm....thanks guys :-/
lol!

Where do I live again?????

2010-02-20T00:23:00.002-04:00

This is Bermuda! It's supposed to be lovely and warm, right?
Last night it was 58F, tonight it's 56F....and it's been like this all winter. Never mind the storms. So I hear you all saying "Whaaa? That's not cold you wimp!"
While I am a self-confessed wimp, I also ask that you remember that we don't have heat in our homes. The houses are built to release heat and admit breezes and I am sitting in front of a little space heater, occasionally going to warm my hands by running hot water over them!
And yes, I am grateful for both the heater and the hot water, and the breeze-admitting roof over my head...

What it really got me thinking about was the whole 'Global Warming' debate.
Global Warming is a catch phrase that is such a misnomer.
Climate Change is better but still doesn't really cover it.
We have done so much damage to this planet from carelessness and it has caught up with us, that is scientific fact.
Yes, there are cycles that the Earth goes through, but it is agreed scientifically that this is not one of them.
And the term 'global warming' misleads the uninformed....they are expecting that suddenly winters and summers will both be warmer.
In actuality, while the planet's core temperature raises what it does is produce extremes in the atmospheric climate on the surface. Winters will be more severe, summers will be more severe, there will be more violent, frequent and freaky weather patterns. Sound familiar?
They've been trying to come up with a new name for the global warming phenomena, and they are actually thinking of including the word 'freak'!! Love it.

So anyway, I live on a bunch of patches of coral and limestone, 26 square miles in total, sitting on the rim of an extinct volcano in the middle of the Atlantic.
And it's effin' freezing right now!
Just wait til July when I start complaining about the heat!!

Having a laugh on V-day...

2010-02-14T14:22:00.004-04:00

From a site called ShitMyDadSays....

"Nah, we don't celebrate it. Don't know who St. Valentine was, don't give a shit, and doubt he wants people screwing in his memory."
Excellent point of view!

And so I'm off for my Very Hot Valentine's date.....an afternoon with Lucas, age 4 and 7 months. Don't forget the 7 months!! He's not 4 anymore, and he's not 5 yet. Apparently this is very important. Must have something to do with nursery school hierachy?

Anyway...in the meantime...sending all my love to the other side of the world.

Dear Hallmark...

2010-02-14T01:14:00.002-04:00

Re: Valentines Day
Thank you so much for giving us this day to remind us to tell the ones we love that we love them.
Good for you...without you we may never think to do that!!
Sincerely,
Who????????????

Good grief...it's pretty sad. Love is something to be celebrated every day, not just this one day in February. Tell the person you love that you love them whenever you get the chance!!!
Frankly, I prefer those everyday little expressions of love over the once-yearly-only shower of flowers, chocolate and a cheesy store-bought card.

Ug!

2010-02-14T00:50:00.003-04:00

We have been experiencing the worst winter weather I can ever remember in Bermuda...the winter storms charging off the east coast of the USA are about set to blow us clean over to the other side of the Atlantic!! Sustained gale force winds with hurricane gusts of 100mph has left this beautiful green 'Emerald of the Atlantic' crispy brown and salt-burnt. Parts of the island have been cut off as bridges have been closed and people are stranded here and elsewhere as flights have been, and continue to be, cancelled. One brave British Airways flight from London this evening was planning an attempted landing, hoping to beat the next cold front, but gave up and re-routed to Boston, hoping to try again tomorrow.
The incessant roar as the wind howls around the house, the constant racket as it tortures the palm trees and banana grove, the cabin fever starting from not being able to get out and about!!! UG!
The best I can say about it is that the wind at my back made the long uphill walk from the store this afternoon A LOT quicker!

Hmm. What a whingey, whiney post. I better come up with something to be grateful for PDQ!!
Life. Love. Family. Friends. Laughter. Joy. There we go, much better!

Erm...isn't this February?

2010-02-10T01:28:00.003-04:00

Winter storms are prevailing. The ugly weather that the East Coast USA experiences always hits us next...and it's never pretty when it's bad!
As a result we are expecting hurricane force winds as of tomorrow afternoon with torrential rain. Unfortunately the winds pick up over the ocean and *fortunately* the snow turns to rain.
It's about to really blow....and that has been SO consistent this winter. It's as if hurricane season has shifted and not limited to the usual time slot. Bah!
And I have a leak in my rain pants.

The upside is that when the sun does come out it is SOOOOOOO appreciated!!

Fundraising for Haiti

2010-02-06T00:41:00.005-04:00

So last Friday I went to a fundraising event for the relief effort in Haiti with my BFF Cindy and her husband. It was packed so I'm pretty sure they must have raised a fair bit of dosh.
But honestly? I'm really only including the photo because I like it! :-)
However, the week before one of the other bars in town held a fundraiser as well. I couldn't go but still wanted to contribute and the thought of going down to The Bistro and just giving them my $20 cover charge anyway seemed so inadequate.
I'd been feeling really bad, watching the devastation, that I haven't been able to do more. I'm sure I'm like a lot of other people who wish they could just go down there and DO something practical....help clean up, rebuild, help the medical teams and the relief workers.
A few nights before the event I spotted a poster that I had been thinking of putting up on ebay. Since I know Rick, the owner of The Bistro, I called and asked if he might want to try auctioning it off and see what he might get for it. He thought it was a great idea and came and picked it up.

I got this signed poster during the time I worked for U2's tour promoters, TNA (The Next Adventure, not T___ and A___ !) This was one of the tours we managed.

And as it turns out someone paid $550 for it!!! Which is $530 more than my original $20 and a fair bit more than I could have donated in cash at all!

Woo hoo U2!!

So exciting!

2010-02-02T01:31:00.003-04:00

After years of trying to figure out how to combine my passions with where I want to be in this world and how to make a living doing it....I HAVE IT!
THE idea!
No. Of course I'm not going to tell you. You might steal it, you sneaky little people! :-)

Now all I have to do is wait for the pieces to fall into place. And they will! I can't wait!!

Missing

2010-01-27T00:42:00.002-04:00

I've lost people in this life. Loved ones who have passed over.
I miss them....but I know they loved me....I know that they know that I loved them...and I am sure that their love stays with me, in my heart. They stay with me.
I have never lost someone I love, who is still here on this earth, but is simply lost to me.
It's a grief you can't really grapple with, can't come to terms with.
To know there is someone at the other end of the press of the send button that you really, really want to tell something to...really, really want to ask a question of...really, REALLY want to know if they're OK.
But you can't.
How do you get through that? How do you move on?
Bleeaagh!

I FLY Monkey!

2010-01-24T03:21:00.003-04:00

If you love someone, set them free.
But more importantly, tell them you love them.
Tell them the joy they have brought you.
Let the ones you love go *with love*
Love is all that matters <3

Oooooooh!....

2010-01-23T02:50:00.002-04:00

I do love a good old fashioned thunderstorm!
I'm all snuggled up....safe, dry and warm...probably going to lose power soon.
No better reason to shut the lids and drift off into dreamland...
All that's missing is my spoon!

A funny thing happened on the road to Akaroa....

2010-01-19T00:12:00.016-04:00

In Christchurch we met up with a couple of old friends, Richard and Rocky, Classic All Blacks who don't come up to the Classic in Bermuda any longer so it was good to catch up. We met them in Richard's pub Speight's Alehouse on Bealey where we were treated like queens with all the drinks and food and attention!

The next day Richard was going to take me for lunch and show me around Christchurch. You know, it's interesting that none of the other girls wanted to go on these little tikki tours I did. Everywhere we went the people we knew were really keen to show us around. I know from living in Bermuda that a tourist will see a very different side of a place when shown around by a local so I took full advantage and took them all up on their offers while the other girls went shopping or on homogenised Lord of the Rings tours...and then they wondered where I took all my great photos! Uh, duh!
Anyway, we still had the morning to fill and Richard suggested that we take a drive out to Akaroa, even though they were not doing the dolphin tours at that time of year it was still a beautiful place and worth a look-see. Since it was only a 45 minute drive out of Christchurch we decided this was a good idea. And it was. Akaroa is a gorgeous little town and high on the list of places to spend more time in....next time!As we got out of the city and into the countryside we encountered some pretty heavy local traffic. Yes, this farmer is herding the cattle from a dirt bike!

And here, with the sheep, this happened about four times with different herds and was hilarious.....

So, all these animals in the road got me to thinking. We had spent the whole day before driving from one side of the South Island to the other, stretches and stretches of road, and not once had we hit anything...or even seen any roadkill. Very strange considering this... Really? Could have fooled me, we hadn't seen a one!

Driving back from Akaroa we saw signposts for the "Scenic Summit Route" and figured, why not? (Well the answer to that is that it takes for-bloody-ever!!) It was worth it for the 'scenic'...

...but we're still not sure that we ever got to a 'summit'.

On the way down from the "Scenic No-Summit Route" conversation turned back to the subject of roadkill, or rather the lack of roadkill sightings and as we turned a corner....you know what's coming, don't you?....yup. Roadkill. I don't know what I was expecting. Here in Bermuda we are well used to seeing squashed toads, rats, sometimes birds, and even, sadly, the odd cat. And for some reason I thought possums were cute little things. So I was not expecting this.....

WARNING: Image may disturb you. Unless you are a Kiwi.

This thing was HUGE. And there was blood??? We didn't hit it. During the whole trip, practically zig-zagging our way up and across both islands of New Zealand, we never hit a thing. But there it was in the middle of the road. So naturally, we all got out and took photos. As you do.

Our "Scenic No-sign-of-a-Summit Route" had added a good two, yes TWO, hours onto our return to Christchurch so my lunch plans were postponed to the evening and changed to a few drinks and a tour of the city. In the meantime us chics headed to the tattoo parlour and got busy with some serious inking. But that's another story....

Later, after my driving tour of down-town Christchurch, Richard drove up the Port Hills to show me the view of the city lights. Unfortunately it was bloody freezing and so not conducive to getting out of the car and checking out the view so we headed back down the hill to find a bar.

As we started off I told Richard the story about our road kill spotting that morning and he began to tell me how they were such a pest. So much so that kids learn to shoot by using possums as target practice....and yeah, they were major roadkill objects...and yet he himself, in his whole life in New Zealand, had never hit one. And just then....you know what's coming for sure this time, right?....THUMP!!

In hind sight it was absolutely hysterical how he freaked out! He was as horrified as I was!! But he said we had to go back and not leave it half dead and in pain. Whaaaaaat...?????? was my thought! So, we turn around and head back up the hill, driving really slowly and scanning the road ahead. Nothing. Richard reversed a bit and drove up again even slower as we concentrated on the sides of the roads. On my side it was just rock as the hill climbed upward and all of a sudden I spotted these two glowing lights in the brush. We stopped and in the headlights there was this possum, staring back at us. And I swear two things: 1. It was totally unharmed, as evidenced by the way it bounded up and through the brush and out of sight and; 2. It cut its eyes and flipped us the bird before leaving!!

We laughed all the way back to the hotel.

A few days later when we were stopped for petrol on the way from Wellington to Palmerston North I went into the station to buy a cup of tea. Next to the register was a whole counter-full of New Zealand's equivalent of the Beanie Baby. And here I found and bought my karmic redemption and apology to all possums of the world....meet Lil' Poss.....

He sat on the dashboard of our car for the rest of the trip.

We never saw another possum....dead or alive....and I will never again talk about roadkill while on a road trip. Never, ever again.

Saying so long to 2009....and heeeellllllooooooo 2010!!

2010-01-13T23:12:00.004-04:00

I hope you enjoy these fireworks from the holiday celebrations here in Bermuda. This was also the finale of our island's 400th birthday celebrations, which have been going on all year.

Apologies in advance if you get a crick in your neck watching the video portion...I just could not figure out how to turn it around! And apologies also if you feel a tad seasick watching it....I was on a boat afterall, not the most stable place to film a video! Woops.

NB: Some of the still photo credits go to blackandcoke.com Most of mine were pretty rubbish.

The music is 'Time To Say Goodbye' by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli...a beautiful and fitting song for the end of one decade and the beginning of a brand spanking new one. It's generally believed that this is a sad song, only about saying goodbye. It is actually about love....letting go of loneliness, and heading off on a great adventure with someone you love. Oh yes it is!

2010-01-13T16:40:00.002-04:00

One evening in Queenstown we went in search of the New Zealand substitute for Red Bull, since Jill can only function at about half capacity without it.
This is what we found........

Uh.....okey-dokey then.
Now, we did of course realise that this was not *actual* cocaine...doh!...we just thought it was strange that a company would think this was a good marketing strategy!
And then we read the label on the back.......

Do they really need to explain that??? "Idiot" is being kind I'd say!

In any case we bought it as Jill was in dire need of a pick-me-up....and it is FOUL! It tastes like utter piss!
So, my recommendation? Don't try it...no matter what you think it contains!

I want to fly like an eagle....

2010-01-12T11:31:00.003-04:00

Here's a clip from a fabulous BBC show, 'Animal Camera', showing the bird's-eye-view of a Golden Eagle soaring over the stunning mountains of Argyle in west Scotland. Can't wait to get over there and watch some of these programmes in their entirety...or hopefully, maybe they'll sart airing them on BBC America!
Watching the bit where the Gosshawk is flying through the forest brought back memories of the simulated 'shuttle' ride at the Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas many years ago. Lucky it's a very short clip...and I haven't eaten lunch yet!
In any case, this is a must watch....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lswBDZuL-8w

To puppy or not to puppy????....

2010-01-10T03:02:00.008-04:00

...OK, so that's not the question really.....WHAT puppy is the question.

I've been asking and begging, begging and asking, but have realised that I won't be getting a Macy II or a Sierra............so I've resumed my search on this side of the world.........

This is what I have always wanted....

...but they need more than I can provide. Weimaraners need space. I have none. I could give all the love, attention and exercise but they need so much more. Boo for me :-(

So....my second choice, a Westie (West Highland Terrier). Aaaaaawwwww! Such an amazing dog. Period. And perfect for me. They need a good amount of regular exercise....great. But they don't need wide open spaces like the Weimies do. There's plenty puppies available. Do I bite the bullet?????????And then there's this little guy...this photo was sent to me with a 'happy new year' message from my friend, who knows I'm thinking about puppying-up. Does this mean I should be going for a dachshund? Or is this a MinPin???? Who cares....the cuteness sells!

Oh dear. Decisions, decisions, decisions.........

Doesn't the cuteness about kill ya?!

2009-12-29T01:20:00.003-04:00

Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life I was loved by you
- Israel Kamakawiwo'ole

Happy holidays!!!

2009-12-20T00:39:00.002-04:00

Wishing the blogging world a fantastic holiday season and a happy, healthy, peaceful and prosperous 2010!!!

2009-11-07T22:27:00.002-04:00

I've been so busy recently that I've hardly had time to check emails let alone surf my favourite websites.
But last night something pretty wonderful happened which I wanted to share because I'm just so proud I could burst!!
My brother has not had a haircut in 20 years. He has had dreadlocks that went all the way down to his bum! From time to time over the years he has talked about cutting them off but he finally made the decision a couple of months ago to do it and raise some money for charity. We set the night for 6th November and arranged to do it in one of the local pubs, then we set about spreading the word.
He chose two charities to split the proceeds between. One is an organisation that provides at-home palliative care for dying cancer patients and support for their families, and the other is the local school for children with disabilities and special needs, which is severely under-funded by Government.
Over the intervening months we have slowly been raising money. We didn't really know what to expect. Friends and family were very keen but it has been hard economic times for everyone. We were pleased when we reached $400 and thrilled when we reached $4,000.
Last night about 200 people gathered in the pub and I was stunned to learn that the total funds raised was at $18,000!!!
We had a blast....auctioning each dreadlock to be cut off and different parts of his beard to be shaved...lots of jokes and funny stories! AND.....by the end of the night we had raised over $40,000!!!! AND we still have some donations to come in as a lot of my brother's freind's employers pledged to match employees contributions!
It was a hard thing for my brother to do. He is known by everyone as Dready so he has felt a little as though he was going to lose his identity a bit. And he was very nervous as we began last night! But I am proud beyond measure, of him, and of such supportive friends, and such a generous community here. We began this thinking that if he could just raise a couple thousand dollars it would be something, it would be a couple of thousand more than the charities had before. What happened though is that he will be able to give each of these charities a considerable amount of money by anyone's standards! Money that they can DO something with to REALLY make a difference.
I am SOOOOO proud of my brother! <3
Here's a link to the video......
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeqD1pdVIj0&feature=player_embedded
Since he is refusing the new nickname 'Dimples' he will still be known as Dready!

Alba Gu Brath!!!!!

2009-10-02T11:07:00.001-04:00

Some good news out of Afghanistan for a wee change.
I grew up listening to The Band of the Black Watch Brigade as my Father would play his records (uh, yes, vinyl LPs!) every Sunday morning after church and the house would fill with the thrilling sound of bagpipes and drums and battle marches while we cooked brunch.
So proud that my countrymen are more than pulling their weight over there and I hope they ALL get home safe and sound ....
Helmand Blog - Afghanistan: Scots soldiers smash Taliban bomb-makers' stronghold

Where did the summer go????

2009-09-25T14:14:00.006-04:00

Wow. It's nearly October. Things will start to cool off soon and then it's a rapid decline all the way to the New Year. End of summer parties will make October fly til Halloween, then it's my birthday, the World Rugby Classic, Thanksgiving and before you know it the succession of Christmas parties, and Christmas itself, has you sitting there on the 30th wondering what to wear tomorrow night and thinking, "Hmm, didn't we JUST celebrate New Year??"

So what have I been doing all summer?

Well, mostly this....

But I also did this.....

in order to see stunning scenery like this......

Ah, New Zealand! I will be back one day....and maybe I'll never leave next time....

Excellent random thoughts....

2009-09-25T13:33:00.002-04:00

To mark my return after a lengthy absence, here is a list of random thoughts on life that was in my inbox this morning and really made me chuckle!....especially since it made me realise that I'm really NOT the only one!!

- Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public, I feel like a kid on Christmas morning that just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!

- I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?
Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

- More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.

- I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

- Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realise I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.

- Have you ever been walking down the street and realised that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?
But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

- I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

- Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realise you're wrong.

- There is a great need for sarcasm font.

- I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

- How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

- I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

- Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

- I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

- Bad decisions make good stories.

- Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem ..

- You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

- Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

- There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

- I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

- I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this.
It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room.
Will we still be friends after this?'

- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

- As a driver I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

- Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

- I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

And so another summer begins...

2009-05-29T14:44:00.004-04:00

And I of course overdid it. And this was despite plenty of sunscreen!

Peace of mind

2009-04-21T23:57:00.002-04:00

Over time you realise that there are some very simple things that can give you comfort...peace of mind. They are not extravagant or elaborate things...not necessarily intentionally given or sought.
Yet, when they reveal themselves, you suddenly realise you have been, in essence, holding your breath and maybe didn't even realise that.
There are, of course, many things that give us peace of mind that we are conscious of... the things we seek in times of stress, distress, sadness, unhappiness, anger, or just flux. That phone call to a certain friend, or a parent....excercise....meditation...introspection....time spent with friends....a day on the beach....a DRINK!
But sometimes things just happen out of the blue....still quite ordinary...a phone call, an email, unplanned time spent with friends. And something about it simply makes everything right in the world for you. And you realise that you can suddenly breathe again.
Today I can thank one of my brothers, the NZ6 and JSC for deep breaths at bedtime!

Shiny new stuff everywhere.....

2009-04-15T13:43:00.004-04:00

I've started two new blogs...
The Hogfishbeacon Photos and The Hogfishbeacon Quotes and Poetry.
Really original headliners there, I know...not...but I wanted to keep it simple and self-explanatory, and I think some people think 'Hogfishbeacon' is enough originality for one blogger!
And it really is self-explanatory. The first is for my more artistic endeavours in photography and playing around with images, and the second to begin to record some of my favourite quotes, sayings, poems, or just snatches of poetry...some will even be my own!
Hopefully they will bring enjoyment to other people, not just me.
I don't know how to post links here but if you click on the 'About Me'...uh, you know, mine, not yours...you will see the links there.
This should be enough to do to keep me out of trouble!

When You Love Someone

2009-03-14T21:19:00.003-04:00

Scott in my hat!, originally uploaded by hogfishbeacon.

When you love someone - you'll do anything
You'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain
You'll shoot the moon - put out the sun
When you love someone

You'll deny the truth - believe a lie
There'll be times that you'll believe you can really fly
But your lonely nights - have just begun
When you love someone

When you love someone - you'll feel it deep inside
And nothing else can ever change your mind
When you want someone - when you need someone
When you love someone...

When you love someone - you'll sacrifice
You'd give it everything you got and you won't think twice
You'd risk it all - no matter what may come
When you love someone

Courtesy of Bryan Adams.

Fort Bragg

2009-03-08T22:31:00.014-04:00

It has now been just over a week since I returned from a visit to Fort Bragg, North Carolina, to see Scott, and anyone who has been reading this blog will guess who that is.
SO much has happened in the last week and I really I wish I had finished this post as soon as I got back…or even whilst I was there. I am going to attempt to continue it as if that was the case, to have the feelings and the events of the visit recorded without them being coloured by the horrible things that have happened in this past week.
When, or if, I feel stronger I will fill the interweb in on the horrible stuff….or should I save it for a book???

The run up to my trip was full of stops and starts and a logistics nightmare! I was a basket case by the time I got on the plane, facing a dodgy connection in Atlanta, and to top it all off both Scott and I had been sick the previous week, phone calls full of sniffs and coughs, shivers and talk of Zycam. But standing at the baggage carousel in Fayetteville and turning to find him striding towards me, massive grin on his face, eyes glowing, huge bunch of flowers in his hand, followed by that lift-you-off-your-feet-swing-you-around hug…it was suddenly all behind me and I felt as I had the very first time. I was finally home! And I had a whole week to spend with him…YIPEE!
Even finding out, in the first 5 minutes, that he had been called to Camp Atterbury in Indiana for the following day due to a scheduling mistake couldn’t dampen our spirits…even realizing that I would be STUCK because I couldn’t drive the car around the next day…I mean seriously, can’t you guys drive on the proper side of the road, or have all the stuff on the correct side of the car at least?????

We stopped in an Irish sports bar (which I found really familiar with all the rugby pictures around) for dinner and drinks and spent a couple of hours catching up, finally face to face, playing footsie and grabbing at each other’s hands across the table like a couple of teenagers! We then went to find a motel since there was no point in going to Bragg considering his 5AM flight the next morning. At the Holiday Inn Motel little were we to know how much we should have appreciated the massive bed and luxurious bathroom…why, you ask?…you’ll see!

(Photo is actually from Olive Garden later in the week but can you spell 'artistic license'?)

After practically NO sleep he sleep-walked me out to the car at 3:45AM and with the help of some OJ from an en route gas station I finally woke up enough to realize that we had not made time for me to practice the USAnian stooooopid way of driving. So it was decided to leave the car at the airport, I would cab it back in order to sleep until check out time and wing it til it was time to meet him again at the airport.
Where did I end up?

YUP! Hooters. It was the only place the friendly hotel bellman could find that I could just hang with internet service, food, drinks later and, bonus: smoking! The waitresses took one look at my Bermuda driving license and I showed them the photos on the laptop and suddenly I had 3 new best friends! Made it nicer for me as the place filled with a rotating door of bunch after bunch of rowdy soldiers in for lunch from Bragg…probably wondering who the old chic was that the waitresses kept going back to chat to…I must have looked like some sort of Madame with her clutch of orange-mini-shorted ‘girls’!

Another bonus was getting another lovely airport greeting…his grin even bigger and more relaxed with the Indiana headache out of the way. We grabbed some beers and snacks and finally headed on to Fort Bragg.

Arriving in our room we took one look and there was total silence. Two single beds. Finally Scott said “Well, we’ll just have to try them both and see which one is more comfortable.” We didn’t, we just picked the one nearest the bathroom and with the best view of the TV!…added the pillows from the other bed and threw off the nasty polyester bedspread to replace it with Scott’s “woobie”….Army tech-speak for blankie! It was bloody cold in North Carolina and I kinda fell in love with the woobie, especially as the heating didn’t work AT ALL, not even in the bathroom!!!

For the rest of the week Scott was busy all day with classes, briefings, and meetings so I occupied myself by visiting the on-base museums and joining the front-of-building-smoking-club and made a few more friends! We hadn’t realized that I wouldn’t be able to buy anything on-base at all without his military ID, so there was a bit of stress, I mean, a girl’s gotta eat for crying out loud! And shop!!! Luckily the museum gift shops were happy enough to take my money and Scott was happy enough to take me off-base each evening to wander around book stores together, or try on silly Easter hats in Target, kick my ass at bowling, grab some food or drinks, whatever…we were happy even when we were completely lost a few times!

We found ourselves back in our room by about 10PM each evening so we could just chill, cuddled up in our little twin bed (did I mention it was FREEZING there?), talking and laughing and watching inane TV, sharing a couple of beers or a bottle of wine, and finally dozing off only to wake a few hours later to…erm….talk some more. Every morning saw us up at 5 for, well, more talking of course, and then Scott might go for a run…who am I kidding, that happened only on the first morning! It was WAY too nice to spend the early hours curled up together. Yes, of course talking!

On Friday I was leaving in the late afternoon but Scott didn’t think he could get away from his last class early enough to see me off. Being thoroughly true to myself, and terribly unsure of how to deal with my feelings, I picked a fight with him! Can you imagine??? Never fear, he realized my frustration and held me, letting me cry it out and then…well, then we made up, naturally!
I went downstairs to see him off for his day as it looked like this was going to be goodbye. Oh dear….TEARS!!! And what did he want? A photograph of course! I protested as he searched for my camera in my pocket but he said “Don’t worry, keep your sunglasses on. You’ll look like Jackie O and I already know how beautiful your eyes are anyway.” Aw.

I then spent the day roaming the area around the Lodgings, chatting with my new buddies, packing my junk, and messaging back and forth with Scott about how things were looking for him to get back in time. Finally I gave up and showered and just as I was drying my hair I heard fumbling at the door…and there he was! With a whole hour and a half to spend together. Blessings come in these small things.

We spent it curled up on the bed again, chatting and laughing and cuddling and as we had throughout the trip, talked about when he might be able to come to visit me in Bermuda…our mantra being “If not before, 2010 babe, July 2010!”

When he finally put me in the cab, he begged me just to smile and I managed it til the we had pulled away. Lucky the driver has been through this before many times! Through the drive, the flight, the overnight in Atlanta, and finally the flight to Bermuda I clutched one of the things he had given me through the week, a little child’s bouncy ball with a tank in the background and a miniature action figure of a soldier with a rifle….supposed to represent him. I don’t think it has been off my person since.

Two days after I left Ft. Bragg Scott left for Afghanistan.

I miss my family

2009-01-31T00:24:00.000-04:00

Drifting in the provoking silences of the nights,
I think magical, haunting thoughts,
remember and dream and drink.
The silence is beautiful, maddening,
needed and loud.
And the lost sound of others' sleep
is loudest and most intruding.
Mother and Father in the marital bed.
The child in the cot, the brother beside me.
The pictures remain but they don't make a sound.
The music can blare, the frogs might sing.
Even wind and nearby sea have a voice,
and the traffic on the street.
But the perfect sound of others' sleep escapes me.

On the way home.....

2008-12-22T16:39:00.004-04:00

....on Friday evening....the sky was so amazing....and the sea was flat calm so it was hard to pick out the horizon. This is looking due north....
And this is looking directly west.......

More eye photo-art

2008-12-05T14:44:00.001-04:00

If the eyes are the windows to the soul I wonder what mine say....
Sad.

Goodbye

2008-12-02T16:38:00.003-04:00

Tears stream down your face.......
When you lose something you cannot replace.....
Tears stream down your face.......and I.....will fix you.

This morning

2008-11-22T18:35:00.003-04:00

Lying, drifting,
So close to sleep,
Yet unable to surrender.
Smiling, my head on your shoulder,
You sleep so soundly.
The beat of your heart
Lulling me and yet
Anchoring me in wakefulness.
The rise and fall of your chest
Rocks me gently and
Your breath in my hair
Sighs a lullaby.
I look up and kiss your chin lightly and
Your arm around my shoulder
Squeezes gently, unconscious assurance
That all is well, that I am safe,
Silently requesting that I stay.
I know I will not find sleep like this
But my fingers move across your chest
Feathering a silent but conscious assurance,
“I’m not going anywhere.”
We sigh in unison.
I smile and begin to drift again.

When my mind finally half-rouses and
I open my eyes to blink in the shade-filtered dawn
I am still floating in my dream-memory.
I swear I can feel your heartbeat, your breath, your touch,
Smell the warmth of your sleeping skin.
So I close my eyes to deny the start of the day
And linger with you a while longer.

43. Seriously?

2008-11-06T12:17:00.010-04:00

Wednesday marked my 43rd birthday. Damn. What on earth happened? Where did all that time go??? In the picture above I am 4 or 5 and my brother and I have invaded my parent's bed on Christmas morning to open our stockings (which, for as long as I can remember, always had a tangerine in the toe!)
The picture below was taken at a friend's wedding last summer. Nearly 40 years later and I still have the same smile! Although thankfully I have finally perfected the art of keeping my mouth closed when smiling. At 4/5 it is only open a little bit...but my word, through my teens, 20's and 30's I smiled with my mouth wide open as if I was at the dentist saying 'Aaaaaaahhhhh...' whilst he told a really funny joke. Seriously, you would think by looking at those photos that every single moment was just pure 'YAAAYYYYYY!'
Maybe it was.
This year, with my birthday falling mid-week...and let's face it, what's to celebrate about 43?....I agreed to babysit Lucas for Jill.
He was my hot birthday date. We had a blast, wined and dined (read: pizza and apple juice), had some great conversation (about how Eli had hit him at pre-school and didn't that make Eli a bad boy who would be in BIG trouble with his mummy and daddy?), we read poetry (well, Dr. Seuss 'Oh the Places You'll Go'), and after a good night kiss........
......he crashed. Typical date really.
Eventually I took myself off home (i.e. once mummy came home) where I put on the Roxy slipper booties that Cindy gave me for my birthday. Even though it's like 75F right now. But there's something magical about them, you feel girlie, and cuddly and they are so soft you want to pet them. And with shorts they're pretty sexy!!

What a lucky girl I am!

2008-11-03T13:00:00.007-04:00

I spent yesterday grinning from ear to ear. Despite doing boring, mucky house chores all day I was the proverbial Cheshire cat.
Why?
Because of this man....
Hot hot hot!! And handsome, and funny, and smart, and sexy, and sweet! The most wonderful man in the world. And I am lucky, lucky, lucky!
I told him that for some reason this is one of my favourite photographs of him in uniform, I don't really know why...he says he looks like a "rat-bag"....No way!
Yesterday morning we got to have a lovely long talk on the phone and frankly, you might as well just go ahead and sprinkle me with fairy dust!
Sure we have email, and that daily contact is lovely, but there is nothing like an actual conversation, the interaction, the sound of his voice, his laugh.
To think that I just might be able to see him in two weeks....only TWO WEEKS!....even if it's just for a few days....even if it means flying to Atlanta....even if he'll be busy with army stuff during the day...still, to be with him again....just the thought makes me dizzy and giddy and swoony with joy.Because, if not Atlanta.....then there's nothing for sure until April 2010....and I don't think I could stand that.
I can hear you saying 'Lucky? Doesn't seem so lucky to me!'
Well, that's just how wonderfully special this man is. A telephone call from him lights up my whole world and sets the butterflies a-flutter. Every. Single. Time.
And I'm lucky simply to ever have met him.

Just another Sunday dinner at Minton...

2008-10-28T14:34:00.005-04:00

Not that we ever need a reason to have a big dinner at Minton...in fact it's fairly commonplace...but we do seem to like pretending that there's a particular reason. This past Sunday it was in John's honour. He has been back in Bermuda for the past month visiting his sister and her new baby, Robin. Since he left his wife behind in Scotland and has therefore been footloose and fancy free, he has spent a fair amount of time at Bruce's. Afterall there is always something going on, a laugh and a drink (or ten) to be had, and it's never been a favourite with the wives...probably something to do with the ever-flowing booze!
Well, John is returning to Bonnie Scotland on Thursday so we just HAD to have a big roast dinner! Lamb with roast potatoes, parsnips, onions and squash, brocolli and cauliflower with my 'spashal' cheese sauce, brussel sprouts and homemade gravy. DELISH!!
As it turns out Bobby is heading back to San Diego on Saturday, giving us two reasons to celebrate...uh...hang on...not celebrate exactly. More like...um...oh, you know what I mean!
And then Lecia announced that the day was the three year anniversary of her arrival on the island. So, yes, celebration is the right word there. Until we realised that, given Bermuda's six year limit on work permits, we were actually marking the half way point of Lecia's Bermuda career. Hmmmm. Oh well, we drank and made merry anyway!!
Unfortunately I was the only person working the next day so I had to remain relatively sober, but the others? Noooooo. Full on, as we say in Bermy.
Now Shona, the beautiful dog above, is ball-mad and spends all her time attempting to draw you in to a game of catch, or kick, or anything. Here she is having dropped her ball on Bobby's temporarily vacant chair and is looking from Lecia to the ball, the ball to Lecia, and repeat ad nauseum, while Lecia groans and says no, repeatedly ad nauseum.
Well, it never takes long for Bruce to come up with something new and different to torture me with and in his infinite drunken wisdom decided it would be fun to see if we could get Shona to take the ball off my head. Right. Can you see her in the bottom right corner...eagerly watching where her precious ball is? Can you see those teeth?
It took her a few tries to figure out what she had to do....launch herself at my head, using the back of the chair as a touch point, and snatch the ball back with whatever force necessary. That ball would be hers once more, never fear!
Well, dear John was taking the photos and there are tons, all a variation of the theme above, with Shona poised in mid strike, and me cringing. But the time when she actually did it? That last time when her fangs scraped across my scalp as she scoopped up the ball as well as a wad of my hair? That moment when her jaws enveloped my head and I screamed and pooped my pants?
Nada. No click. No flash. Nothing. Zip. Zilch.
What a waste of newly highlighted hair and clean knickers.

Since I'm lazy...

2008-10-22T00:04:00.002-04:00

I heard a song today for the first time in ages, an oldie that I love!
R E O Speedwagon....

And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might

A love story....

2008-10-17T23:11:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time there was a man, we’ll call him John, who picked up his life in England and embarked on a new life in Bermuda. This was 1961 and he left behind the love of his life, not knowing if she would commit to the move herself. He was a teacher, a good one, and later became Headmaster of one of the local schools.
To put you out of your misery (being a love story and all) of course she joined him…and we’ll call her Jane.
They married, set up home, and raised two beautiful and wonderful children.
‘Jane’ was also a teacher and she was superb, one of the best loved teachers at the school.
In 1992 ‘Jane’ was diagnosed with cancer. She fought a long, hard battle and finally succumbed in August of 1993. It was devastating for all who had loved her. She was the organist at her church and on the day of her funeral even the organ didn’t want to work properly for the first time, and since.
Today we buried ‘John’. He tried, he struggled, his children tried to rally him, but in all honestly, he had never been the same since ‘Jane’s’ passing. After a few years of illness he has finally gone to the place he has wanted to be for fifteen years.
‘John’s’ daughter, my life-long beloved best friend, stood at the front of the church this afternoon and spoke about her father. Told us things we never knew for he was such a private man. Things I wish I had known. He was a writer, a poet, an artist. He kept this all between his beloved and himself.
A month before ‘Jane’ died in August 1993, ‘John’ wrote her a poem for her birthday. His daughter knew of the poem as it had been ‘Jane’s’ birthday gift, and a few years ago, when the children put ‘John’ into a nursing home due to failing health and sold the family home, she searched high and low for it.
This afternoon, in church, she read this poem. Not only as a testament to her parents’ love for each other, but also as an example of her father’s deep, artistic, passionate soul.

July 1993

‘Jane’, my love ----
After the winter
when the morning doves coo
I will remember.

Not that I could forget,
just that springtime will make you vivid.

We will recall
our youth, our unheeding.
We shall share memories as surely as
lovers separated only by earthly miles.

I cannot keep you
but commit these words to mind
and you can take them on your journey.

Isn’t it loss that wounds us most;
the sharp, the immediate,
the slow drip of years?

Yet your frailty will vanish in a trice,
the miracle of our prayers,
and it will be your radiant arms that
will, one day, welcome me home.

‘John’

I knew ‘John’ for almost my whole life and can honestly say that I wish I knew more of this side of him.
This is writing that would stand as amazing tribute to any man, to any love.
And ‘John’ is finally home in ‘Jane’s’ arms.

Giving up a dream

2008-10-13T22:26:00.000-04:00

I’ve been trying to analyse why I’ve been so sad recently.
I understand why I’m feeling a little scared. After all I am looking at making a very big move. Whether it happens sooner or later, the decision to leave Bermuda is a huge one.
If things don’t work out in the USA I can always go to the UK, or even somewhere in Europe…Spain or France maybe?
And yes, I can come back to Bermuda. Definitely on vacation, and possibly even to live. I do have friends that I could stay with while I look for a job and somewhere to live.
BUT…the whole point is that I need to leave here in order to chase my dream.
And there we have it. The dream.
It used to be that I would be here for the rest of my life….have a wonderful husband, a beautiful home, a satisfying job.
I have overstuffed my apartment over the last years with beautiful objects d’art (albeit nothing terribly expensive, just valuable to me in their beauty), cooking apparatus, flatware and etc, etc, and stuff, with the hope that one day I would have the space to display them and use them to entertain my friends.
Recently I have begun a seriously brutal purge. Unfortunately when I leave I can store a very limited amount of stuff here, for a limited period of time, and it has made me think hard about what it necessary to me now…and in the future.
So far I have 3 bags of garbage, 3 bags of Good Will clothing, 1 bag of Christmas decorations (note that I haven’t even reached the closet where I keep all my Christmas paraphernalia!)1 bag of stuffed toys (seriously? Yes!!), and 1 grocery bag of empty picture frames, the latter three also for Good Will. And this is not including items that can’t be dumped into a garbage bag, nor have I even hit the kitchen!
I guess what’s happened is that with each, previously treasured, item that I throw away or give away I am realising that things really are just things.
And yet I still feel that I am throwing away small pieces of my dream each time. And that has made me rather sad.
Once I have a solid, new dream to look forward to I believe the sadness will be replaced by excitement….and anxiety!!
The good thing about the ‘plan’ is that I am going through it all with a friend. So that, kind of like Thelma and Louise…well, minus the car, the cliff, the crime, the police, and Brad Pitt….we can hold each other’s hand as we launch into a whole new life and say ‘Here we go!’

Should I stay or should I go now...?

2008-10-09T15:20:00.002-04:00

"If I go there will be trouble, An' if I stay there will be double." The Clash hit the nail right on the head with that one.
After months of talking about leaving Bermuda, I got hit in the face with the cold hard facts on coming back from Vegas.
Is it beautiful here? Absolutely. And the weather? Perfect. It's a pretty good lifestyle too...always outdoors, in and on the water. And it will always be the place of my birth and a place I would be happy to come and vacation.
But.
I am not happy.
Rents and the cost of living are sky-rocketing and it is becoming financially un-viable to live on ones own.
Crime has taken a serious and very scary upward spiral.
The present Government is a sham and a shambles, and their talk of independence from the UK is like listening to spoilt children in the playground boasting about their toys with no notion of what their parents go through in order for them to have those toys.
I will never own my own home here.
I will never be able to retire here.
And the man-pool is murky at best.
I'm only ever happy when I am on the beach or when I am with a handful of particular friends.
At all other times I have been unhappy. And that is not a natural state for me.
So, I can blow this place and go look for my destiny.
Or I could stay and be bored and depressed.
Put like that there really isn't a contest, is there?

Twiddling my thumbs

2008-10-02T11:53:00.004-04:00

So I started my new job yesterday. I was supposed to start on Monday, but I came in on Friday for a brief meeting with Dan, my new boss, and he said 'Oh no, you take a couple extra days and relax, you just flew back. Start on Wednesday, it is the 1st then anyway.' Now while this is true, it really should have been my first clue that there was nothing particularly urgent awaiting the new employee.
And then he tells me that he is flying to Brazil that afternoon, and so not only will he be away for my first day, but he will be away for a month or more. Excellent!
He then gave me a ten-minute crash course on their payment system so that I would be able to pay bills as they came in.
Therefore on my first day, after aquainting myself with the computer system, the office in general, the ladies across the hall, the bathroom, the kitchen...you know, all the important stuff...I paid the rent for the office and for Dan's apartment, scanned a few invoices off to Brazil for instruction, and waited for the postman.
1.10pm Day 2. Still waiting. Sigh.
Bonus? Coffee with Cindy this morning for the first time in years. Weeeelll sort of...she had coffee, I had cranberry juice. And no, I am not trying to be holier than thou in saying that. I had a ciggie with my beverage, she refrained.

Leaving Las Vegas

2008-09-30T01:10:00.000-04:00

So I just spent a fantastic week in Las Vegas, completely unexpected and last-minute, an amazing gift from my incredibly generous and thoughtful friend, Jill.
We saw all the sights, as you do, even though we have both been there before. We shopped until we really were about ready to drop….and I’m wondering if there is anything left in the stores for other punters to buy.
We got in last Thursday evening after a delayed flight in Atlanta. We had all been boarded on time only to be informed that “in case we were wondering why the Captain was standing outside of the cockpit” it was because they were replacing one of the windshield panels. Um. WTF????? Two HOURS later….with no offer of water, or snacks, or ALCOHOL!!!!!...we were finally off. Funny thing through this trip, on all four flights I was unable to sleep. Usually I’m out like a baby being rocked in a cradle. Not this time and that really sucked on the red-eye coming home!
Anyway, we hit the ground running with David Copperfield at the MGM Grand…literally straight from the airport to the show!...and he was seriously amazing. His last ‘trick’ was one I’d seen on TV and I was thrilled to see it live and be even more stunned, wondering how the hell he does it all!!
The next day Jill and I left Craig, our fellow-Bermudian-LV-vacationer (sorry Skippy, but denial is not just a river in Egypt, it was vacation), in the condo, ‘working’, and hit the shops. Much damage was done and I was totally exhausted, not being used to power-shopping! Having never been to Target before, I found a new love….Hello Target! Miss you!
That night we went to a ‘local’s only’, off-strip tapas bar to meet a new on-line friend of mine, and thus I met the most wonderful man in the world!!! We’ll call him Scott….‘cause that’s his name (lol). I will refrain from gushing about him to spare you all indigestion, but trust me, it’s not because I don’t want to gush!
From Fireflies, which I highly recommend, we headed to the Palazzo to meet up with Lanie and how great it was to see her again!
That night Jill and I learned a new lesson in friendship. Now, the internet doesn’t need to know the details of that, the important thing is that we had an issue, we faced it, dealt with it and moved on with a better understanding of each other. Go woman-kind!
I was a tad tired on Saturday morning having talked with Scott until sunrise, and so I skipped joining Jill and Skippy’s venture to IHOP, and beyond. Later in the afternoon Scott picked me up and took me to explore the Wynn, which was fabulous…we wandered around inspecting the lounges and finally settled in one of them for a cocktail and some particularly delicious potato chips…too many of which ended up on the table and bench, designating us both as people who should not be allowed to eat in public!
That night Jill, Skippy and I headed out of town to Prim to see (woo hoo!!!) Foreigner (YES!!) at Buffalo Bill’s Star of the Desert Arena. They were AMAZING!!! And Kelly Hansen’s voice is just as GD wonderful as Lou Gramm’s on the classic ‘I want to know what love is’ which brought the arena to its feet and lost me my voice!
Driving back into LV we were all looking for excitement….and in fact the drive itself pretty much did it as Jill went over the 100mph mark! My choice was the Lt. Col….Jill and Skippy chose the roller-coaster at New York New York.
I waited in the bar for all of them and got chatted up by some random who ticked me off just a small bit.
On the way home Scott gave me my first introduction to IHOP in the USA….more food than you can eat in three meals. And the next day we went around some of the shops (I finally got my first pair of proper cowboy boots…love you Boot Barn!), had cocktails at Blue Martini, BBQ’d some dinner, hung out with Cricks and Talos (Scott’s greyhounds), and headed to the Strip for some serious photoging!!
Monday and Tuesday found us heading out to Denny’s or IHOP for breakfast, then dropping Skippy off at Borders to ‘work’ (OK, I’m tearing the ass out of it, he really did work) and Jill and I hit the shops, credit cards a’smokin’!
On Monday night we headed in to Planet Hollywood hoping to catch a band I had heard the previous evening…they weren’t playing but we decided to stay for dinner and drinks, sitting on the Strip, watching the world go by, and I do mean THE WORLD…in all its gaudy, glorious, fantastic glory. Scott joined us and after dinner he and I headed over to watch a couple of the Belaggio fountain shows while Skippy and Jill headed inside to drink and gamble, respectively.
Tuesday brought the same day-time scenario. Truth is it was a blast just driving around with that pair. Jill and I could have fun in a barrel by ourselves but Skippy added just one more blonde to the mix for added comic confusion.
Since Jill and Craig had a conference reception to go to on Tuesday night I made plans to meet Lanie for a drink and gossip and then Scott picked me up for dinner at another local’s-type place called Bootleggers. Unfortunately knowing I was leaving him the next day I was unable to eat much and I think Scott has been eating doggie-bagged chicken fettuccine alfredo ever since! In the morning I was very brave saying goodbye to sweet Cricket and proud Talos, and even braver saying goodbye to Scott as he dropped me ‘home’.
Arriving back at the condo I found my flat-mates ready to head out for a day at the conference they had actually come for. Whoa. A day to myself. In Vegas.
I headed to the Fashion Show Mall, did a little more damage to the Mastercard and added a little to the wardrobe, ran into a couple of Bermudians in the Food Court, then headed over to the Wynn hoping to get more photos. But Scott is correct, it’s no fun doing that on your own. I sat and had a drink in the pool bar Scott and I had looked at on Saturday, where little misters installed in the table umbrellas spray fine bursts of water into the air, making it a virtual oasis in the desert. I could practically hear my skin sucking in the moisture!
Afterwards I went back to the condo and packed and tried to relax….I had hoped to hit the pool but some fat slob was hogging the patch of sunshine coming through between the neighbouring buildings. Jill and I had tried once before to do the pool thing, but by the time we got there the sun was gone behind buildings, and the water was bloody freezing. Again, WTF???
Our flight out of Vegas wasn’t til 11.30pm and Jill told me in the morning that she wanted to go to the conference’s evening presentation. A quick call to Scott had him skipping the gym and coming instead to pick me up at Harrah’s. We went to Paris and sat off in the bar for a couple of cocktails and laughs before heading into the Planet Hollywood mall to look at the shops and stroll around eating Italian carry-out before heading back to Harrah’s to meet Jill and Skippy. Scott and I said goodbye again and I was able to do it with minimal tears knowing…KNOWING…that I will see him again soon. We left Skippy for a day on his own in LV where I am SURE Hooters was on the agenda but I’m really interested to know if he made it to the indoor sky-diving place!!
Jill and I had an uneventful trip home, despite being so cold in the Atlanta airport! Considering our week’s shopping expenses we were loathe to spend $50 on Georgia Tech sweatshirts so I shivered it out and Jill bought an ‘Atlanta Diva’ long-sleeved t-shirt to help insulate….which she just remembered to take off before landing and stepping into the sauna that is Bermuda air.

Funny thing is that at some point on Tuesday afternoon I think Jill and I reached ‘vacation relaxation point’ and everything was hilarious. I wish we had been able to stay longer and have more of that. Sometimes it just takes time to let go of the everyday reality we’ve left behind and let loose and have FUN.

We arrived back in Bermuda safely and I enjoyed the approach and landing as much as I always do. All the tourists looking out of the windows for some kind of land to touch down on, and all they can see is water…..the Captain is saying ‘We are making our final approach to Bermuda’ and they are straining to see out of both sides of the plane to see what the hell we might actually land on, and only seeing ocean!! Until….until….suddenly a coral athol or two, then a bit of land with some trees…and….all of a sudden you’re on the ground!
It’s always a thrill landing in Bermuda. Just SO beautiful. And always home.

On the drive back Jill did have a hard time with the speed limit but we made it without a speeding ticket!

And on that drive we discussed the fact that we both SO did not want to be home, here in Bermuda.
Jill’s been lucky enough to be away a few times recently and take care of her ‘rock fever’ and she has her plans for the big move to New Zealand next year.
But on leaving Las Vegas, we realised finally, completely, totally, that neither of our futures are here any longer. No more fish bowl. No more limitations. No more lack of choice…in everything/anything.

For me? Change. Big change is a-coming. How and when? Who knows. But it’s a-coming.

R.I.P.

2008-09-28T20:25:00.002-04:00

This evening I called Bruce's housesitter who was also kindly feeding Sneaky Pete III while I was in Las Vegas.
He was very sketchy on the details but basically he informed me that SP had passed away.
I know he's just a fish, but he was my little buddy.
The very first and very last living thing that I spoke to each and every day.
And I'll miss his beautiful little self.

What's for dinner darling?

2008-09-28T20:14:00.001-04:00

Mmmmmm! Tonight I made chicken tender strips with a garlic, teriyaki and sesame dipping sauce, and a tomato, avocado and alfalfa sprouts salad with a red wine vinaigrette dressing. Sooooo good!
The only thing that could have made it better?
A ‘darling’ to share it with.
His name begins with Scott.
((((SMILE))))

I'm in love...

2008-08-15T14:33:00.002-04:00

Oh Laird! Leave Gabby and come live with me!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0Pw7vKtqpo
Yeah. Right.
Methinks I will just have to continue worshipping from afar.
Sigh.

Help! I'm drowning!

2008-08-03T13:24:00.003-04:00

Earlier in the afternoon I had been blowing bubbles under the water to make Lucas laugh. After a while I'd had enough, but not Lucas! He kept pushing my head down using his full body weight and saying, ''Put you face in the water. NOW! Put you face in the water!''

Even as I spluttered Jillian, like any good friend would, just stood there taking photos!

Too funny! She's lucky her kid is so cute!

Ha ha ha!

2008-08-01T13:26:00.000-04:00

I came across this photograph when I was looking for pics for Alex's birthday. This is me at two and a half years old. What could I possibly have done to be dumped into the bathtub fully clothed...diaper, shoes, cardigan, bib and all????
And the expression on my face is all like, 'Gee dude, I don't know....' Hee hee hee.
Judging from the bib though, this probably happened at supper time...and it's at my grandparent's house where I used to spend the weekends...I remember the yellow tub.
Anyhooo, according to the bib, it looks like I would have been a Hello Kitty fan if I'd been born a few decades later!

Friday night in.....

2008-07-26T01:51:00.004-04:00

So. I stayed in tonight...a Friday night...go me!
And yet here I am, nearly 3AM, watching a movie (While You Were Sleeping) I've watched a thousand times before...why?
Bored? Restless?
I could have gone out....Jillian and Michele are out...Cindy and Graham are out...Patricia called and wanted to do something...without a doubt Bobby is doing something....and there's always popping over to Bruce's for a drink.
Just needed to choose that night in, I guess.
Hey....I did accomplish some worthwhile 'chores' tonight...colour sorted all my glass beady-marble-thingies....emptied the drying rack and washed some dishes, filling it up again....sigh.
Ate some dinner!
All in all it's not been a bad night....but I miss seeing my buds...I'm antsy...and HELL, I've got to go to bed!
G'night folks...thank everything it's beach day tomorrow!

Oh my....

2008-07-24T23:10:00.003-04:00

....busy!

So, a joke.....
What do you call 3 blondes standing on thier heads?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
give up?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
ready?
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
3 brunettes!

Ha ha! Thanks Jay!
Hey! I'm blonde.....I'm allowed!

Wow....

2008-07-20T23:24:00.003-04:00

...what a day! A great group of friends on the beach, one on a suprise trip from the UK, body-surfing again, not just one, but two adorable toddlers' beach-delight, T.Rex boogying...and then just-out-of-the-ocean tuna on the BBQ with fresh Bermuda corn-on-the-cob and summer squash.
You cannot beat a day like that!

T.Rex...yeah baby!!

2008-07-20T18:06:00.003-04:00

My CD of Marc Bolan and T.Rex's greatest hits finally arrived. I've been wanting this CD for ages...ever since a friend of mine who is in advertising created an ad for a local cellular phone company using 'Ride a White Swan'...I eventually got around to ordering it and now it's here and I've been rocking out!! And considering I've also been body-surfing (at the beach, cheap seats!) all afternoon I'm wondering how my body is going to feel tomorrow!

I'd almost forgotten the thrill of body-surfing...last summer I was post-accident and it was out of the question to throw myself into a huge cresting wave and ride it to shore...so far this summer I have usually had a just-3-year old attached to me, and much to my credit, and I'm sure his Mummy's relief, it just hasn't occurred to me.
I made up for that this afternoon!
The waves were perfect, enough to get a good ride, not so much that it bordered on dangerous.
At one point a friend, Dave, who was at the beach with us, joined me and having never done it before was all up for it. I took him in on one small, tame wave first and oh yeah, he was ready for a full-on breaker! We didn't have to wait long before I gave him the signal and off we went...coming up gasping in the gritty surf, laughing. I had lost a bracelet, pulled right off my arm by the force (pretty, but cheap fortunately), and caught up in it all I started to stand in the surf shouting to Dave about my bracelet...not realizing that I had also lost my top!
Luckily Dave is a gentleman and a little later, sitting drying off on the beach with the rest of the troupes, denied seeing anything. Sorry Mark, he's NOT going to tell you!

Hmmm....seem to have gotten a bit off topic.....

T.Rex.....how I loved them. When I was young my father used to regularly get a compilation album called 'Top of the Pops' and it gave me a love of certain music that other Bermudian children weren't hearing. My lasting favourite T.Rex song is 'Ride a White Swan' hence the inspiration to finally buy a CD. However, in listening to the CD I've remembered that way back then my faves were 'Hot Love' and 'Jeepster'....I was 6!!! Jeeez. If you know these songs you may wonder at how completely inappropriate that is!!
I blame the clapping bits and the la-la-la-la's...awfully compelling to a 6-year old!

Besides, during this same stage, I also inherited a t-shirt from my aunt (who is only nine years older than me) that had on the front of it a picture of a Tall Ship and the words 'Friggin' in the Riggin''.
It was a favourite. And I never heard a word about it.

I guess, in both instances, my parents figured it was all just best left unsaid. Afterall, it's not like I asked them what 'friggin'' was....I just thought I was wearing a cool teenager's t-shirt and dancing to my parent's tunes!

My brother is 40! Yikes, I'm old!

2008-07-18T13:26:00.000-04:00

This picture is of me with Alexander and Jonathan in 1974, Christopher was born the following summer. You can tell this was taken in winter-time as I've got a robe on, Alex is in PJs, and Jonny's wearing socks! How cute are they?!

Last Sunday Alex celebrated his 40th birthday. He had been fretting a bit about it but I reckon he'll say now, what we all say, "That wasn't so bad!"
I had to dig out some old photos for his friends to use to decorate for the party, and ended up as I always do when I go looking through my photographs, spending a good few hours reminiscing.

This one was taken in 1978. I love it as it's such a true snapshot of life. There's no perfect posing, one is picking his nose and the other is about to bawl (don't you just love that face?!) In case you're wondering, they are decorating the Christmas tree. And the little gombey-man decoration that Alex is holding in the non-nose-picking hand is part of a set of 6 which my Mother lovingly preserved, and a few years ago gave them to me. They were bought in 1970, so were already 8 years old here.
I'm really lucky with all my brothers...they're all fantastic people, kind, funny, interesting, smart and gorgeous...but the great part is that we're good friends as well.

Alex and I are particularly close...as is natural with us both being in Bermuda, so far away from the rest of the family. Knowing that I have him to talk to, and that I can be there for him, it just means the world. The fact of the matter is that Alex is the first person, besides my parents and grandparents, who I consciously loved. He was the first baby that I ever held, and fed and cared for, and felt that nurturing, motherly, protective love. I still feel it today, though thank goodness he doesn't need his diapers changed anymore!!

Alex always had the strangest hair and my mother tried everything under the sun to get it to be soft and smooth....mayonnaise, beer, eggs....it never was soft or smooth, but it probably tasted pretty good! After university, through which he had one plaited bit of hair at the nape of his neck that had already matted, he let the rest grow and started working it into dreadlocks....he's had them ever since, and with them came the nickname Dready. Sometimes it takes people a minute to figure out who I'm talking about when I call him Alex! He's talking about cutting them off, as he does every now and then...but he's never done it. When and if he ever does, he's going to do it for charity...I reckon he'll make a ton of money...some people have been offering to pay him for years to cut them off! Hee hee.

Anyhoo...happy 40th birthday Alex!!! Love ya!

Before and after....

2008-07-16T13:24:00.000-04:00

Okay...so this is Grape Bay last week.
The surf and swell from Bertha has probably already done quite a bit of damage and I reckon I won't even be able to stand in the same spot tomorrow.

Well, I was right I couldn't stand in the same spot, so this is Grape Bay on Sunday afternoon (the day before the storm hit), taken from much higher ground! And no, it's not out of focus, that's sea spray!

I wonder if Bertha left any sand behind for us to lie on this weekend? Better take a cushion!

Tease

2008-07-11T13:02:00.002-04:00

There are plenty of clouds in the sky.
We have our usual summer heat clouds that form over the island and sit there, heavy and brooding.
And we have clouds banking to the south, being pushed slowly by hurricane Bertha as she churns her way towards us.
These clouds are dark-bottomed with lovely water but they are selfishly hanging on to it.
Then, last night as I drove home from work, I felt a splatter on my face and I thought "Yes! I don't mind getting wet as long as we get some rain! YAY!"
Well it didn't. Rain that is.
Must have been bird pee.

2008-07-09T20:26:00.003-04:00

Today I observed something I had completely forgotten….watching a cloud form.
When I was a child I would watch the clouds all the time. Lying on my back in the grass, or on the sand (keep it clean, cheap seats!) …or on a lilo floating in the sea…or in the evening on the garden wall, or the hood of my parent’s car. Watching clouds and the shapes they made.
Later in my teens I would stay out even when the sun went down, watching the stars instead. Usually in the summer of course, when Scorpio is visible in the Northern Hemisphere. I’m a Scorpio and I loved being able to pick it out and as the summer passed, watch it move from one horizon to the other.
I still love looking up at the sky at night and gazing at the Milky Way, the Big and Little Dipper…and my Scorpion.
And clouds have continued to fascinate me as well but I have focussed on it differently as I got older. I love to photograph clouds now. Wispy horsetails, funky shapes, brightly-glowing-sunset-painted, heavy-rain-filled-squall….clouds.
This morning I stepped outside the office for a cigarette and looked up to see a large cloud hanging over Hamilton. It caught my interest because it was darkly and heavily bottomed and I hoped it might deposit its load before moving away from the island. Had I mentioned before that we’re in a bit of a drought? Yes? Oh, okay.
And then my eye was caught by a fragile patchy little mesh of cloud nearby the big one. I was trying to figure out its shape, what it might be, but it was changing too much. Frustrating. Until…until I realised it was also billowing…blossoming and blooming under (well, OK, above) my very eye. It has been years since I witnessed this.
It was very nearly right above me as we are not far out of the City, but not so much that I had to crane my neck too hard to watch…and watch I did. That tiny little patchy near-nothing began to pull previously invisible wisps into it, became more solidly white, starting to billow like smoke out of a stack, expanding as if someone was blowing it up like some oddly shaped, marshmallowy balloon. When it got to about half the size of the original cloud it started to shadow around the bottom, and as it grew so did the shadow.
By the time I was ready to go back inside it had surpassed the first cloud in size!
I had forgotten the wonder of watching a cloud be born and every time I stepped outside again today (ahem) I scanned the sky hoping for another opportunity. Sadly, the sky remained its clear, blue self, apart from the now two huge clouds hanging over Hamilton.

If I believed in ‘God’ maybe I would be accrediting this miracle to him. But I don’t.
I sure do give Mother Nature a pat on the back for it though.

And, no, it did not rain. That’s why Mother Nature only gets a pat and not a high-five.

Big Bad Bertha? Hope not!

2008-07-07T22:14:00.001-04:00

Bertha, Bertha go away.
Don’t come back another day!
Great…we’re in a drought with no rain for weeks…and now there’s a hurricane threatening. It’s the first on the books for the year and it’s aiming right at us. Great.
According to the weather news this evening it’s still a little too early to tell but at the moment it looks like it’s going to be a real close call. We’ve been warned to check our emergency supplies and to set our radio dials to the government warning channel for regular updates.
How the heck, when the electricity goes off, are we going to be able to pull buckets of water out of dry tanks? How????
Earlier this afternoon the clouds gathered…every day the rain clouds, but no rain…and all of a sudden big fat drops fell from the sky. Yay! I thought…finally!
Two minutes later, and no more than those fat drops, and it was over. The tease was enough to set the tree-frogs singing, but they soon gave up, slowly silencing as they realised that there was going to be no lovely downpour after all.
Unfortunately a hurricane doesn’t necessarily mean rain…and even if it does bucket down, it is usually caught by the wind, which is an inescapable part of a hurricane, and doesn’t make it into the tanks, or is so mixed with salt spray that it is undrinkable.
Storm rain is rarely what we call ‘tank rain’…that straight-as-an-arrow-from-the-cloud-to the-ground-rain that will flood the roofs, down the pipes and into the tank. Wind is the enemy in that equation!
I guess we’ve got a tense week ahead. Keep you fingers crossed for us.
Stupid Bertha.

2008-07-06T19:32:00.002-04:00

So, Sunday evening and another weekend bites the dust.
How is it that two days side by side in the middle of the week take FOREVER to pass, and yet these two days at the end of the week fly by at supersonic speed? It’s just wrong.
Today was another truly Bermudaful day. Lying in the sun and swimming in rock pools. We weren’t venturing into the ‘blue sea’ today due to a blitz of newspaper warnings about Portuguese Man’o’War…a curiously beautifully coloured type of jelly fish with an insanely painful sting. It’s very long tentacles will wrap around you and are murder to get off…and can reach you even if the body looks like it is too far away.
Having been stung a number of times as a child I am particularly wary…and I certainly can’t imagine having to ask Jillian to pee on me! Mind you, Lucas would do it in a heartbeat, but I think Mum is trying to discourage behaviour like that!
Jill and I had been staring at this woman who had just arrived because she had abs that belonged in a workout video…it was kind of like when you drive by an accident, it sickens you to look but you just can’t tear your eyes away. Then she did something that made us feel better. She spotted a Man’o’War that had been washed in and stranded on the beach….and she covered it with sand! This is something you don’t EVER do! Some poor unsuspecting person strolling down the beach could walk right on it and get one helluva nasty surprise. So unless you’ve got a handy DANGER sign in your beach bag to put next to where you buried it, you leave it and let the un-missable blue and purple be it’s own warning signal
We decided she can have her abs…we’d rather have our brains! And our Cheatos!
We found a sandy-bottomed rock pool that would fit all three of us and spent the next few hours ‘swimming’. Lucas broke in his new mask and float vest and I love seeing a child get enjoyment out of something I have given them….proof that I can occasionally make the right choice!
And now I’m home, sun-burnt and covered in sand and salt. Most people would be straight into the shower but I love this feeling. It means it’s the weekend, that I’ve been at the beach, and in the sea.
Having a shower takes me that much closer to Monday.
Ug.
Oh, and if anyone’s wondering what happened to all the sand on Grape Bay…don’t worry, I’ve got it. I brought it home with me. Inside my bikini bottoms.
I’ll bring it back next week, K?

2008-07-06T01:14:00.001-04:00

OK. So it’s been a busy few days…not for any particular reason…the heat just makes it seem so…whatever. Fine! I’ve been lazy! Again!
But seriously, the heat…and the dryness…we’re living in a desert out here…an island desert! Somebody, please, do a rain dance for us. The lawns are crunchy, the tanks are dry. Did you know that we get our household water by collecting it from our roofs and storing it in tanks below our houses?
Yes. Well. Not so much these days.
After the deluges we had a month or so ago, when we thought we might get flooded, some of the trees and shrubs are absolutely loving this. They have used it all up and are putting forth a display, with all the current sunshine, that is in my memory unrivalled.
I went out and took some photos of one of my favourite trees, the Royal Poinciana. In full bloom this tree is magnificent…you can hardly see the leaves for the blossoms. And if you look closely, each individual bloom itself is SO lovely! My pictures are of the tree at Admiralty House just around the corner from my house. I have never seen it in such a glorious display.

This afternoon was Lucas’s 3rd birthday party. I spent a very pleasant afternoon with lots of kiddos, lots of Jill’s family, and after it all we sat on the patio, sucking down our cigs, discussing out plans to give up. Right.
Everyone had a good time, though cake is a tad over-rated for me and always has been.
No one got hurt, although Cole, Lucas’s cousin, let his balloon go the minute he stepped outside the front door so we owe the ecology, and possibly one hapless turtle, our apologies….’course how were we to know he would let it go in the open air, just as they had been doing inside all afternoon? Doh. Lucas was very concerned about this and asked questions ad naseum afterwards…think I may still be fielding them when we get to the beach tomorrow!
For his birthday I bought Lucas a mask (in the shape of a giraffe…cause giraffes are known beach lovers??? Only one they had!} and a flotation vest . We are going to have SO much fun looking at the things under the water in the rock pools….and I will have great relief not having to carry that full weight through the surf!

I have been going through my collection of quotes and poems recently. One of my faves is:

I come again with greetings new,
To tell you day is well begun;
To say the leaves are fresh with dew
And dappled in the early sun;
To tell how over everything
Delight is blowing in the air –
I know not yet what I shall sing
I only know the song is there.

I have always attributed this to Keats, don’t know why. Have googled it and all…still nothing…if anyone knows where this comes from let me know!

2008-07-02T23:15:00.000-04:00

It came up at the Minton dinner table this evening that Bermuda is the second most isolated island in the world. Hard to believe when New York and Boston are a mere 2 hours away via airway and Miami and Toronto a mere three hour flight.
We did do a little Wikipedia search, but the BBQ beckoned and we abandoned our investigation.
Continuing it at home, these are the facts I came up with:
Bouvet Island, a Norwegian island 994 miles to the south of Antartica is THE most remote island in the world but for some reason they don’t include it as it is uninhabited.
Tristan de Cunha, part of the British Crown Colony of St. Helena, is 1,750 miles from South Africa in the south Atlantic, and is considered the most remote inhabited island.
Bermuda, 640 miles from the USA in the north Atlantic is considered 2nd, but as it consists of more than 130 separate islands, this honour is sometimes disputed.
But…..Tristan de Cunha is an archipelago as well and no one is disputing their placing. Be fair oh thou gods of lists and statistics…or at least be consistent!

Ashley was at dinner tonight…in fact I think he was somewhat the reason for tonight’s impromptu gathering (like we’ve ever needed an excuse) as he and Lecia leave to visit her family in western Canada tomorrow… for a whole two weeks! Holy crap! Must have a BBQ to see them off!! Anyhoooo…he brought a disc of pics from a recent dive out at the tower at Argus Banks (long way off Bermuda) which he described as the Jurassic Park for fish. And yeah, the huge schools of huge fish were certainly impressive. Unfortunately they also captured shots of a few (he said they saw about 6 in total) Lion fish. They have been illegally introduced to local waters recently by disgruntled aquarium owners and have taken a very firm foothold. It’s a shame as they are very predatory fish and detrimental to the fine balance of our reef life, and we are fighting hard to save what is the most environmentally unchanged reef in the world. Elsewhere global warming and shrinking seas are causing reef bleaching. Being the most northern reef in the world, we are still unchanged by this. As yet. Not that the Lion fish are going to affect that, but it is a fine balance out there and any change to the worse is worrying.

Gem: As I swam out through the surf with Lucas on Sunday afternoon, it was quite rough and I battled to jump above each wave crest that I would normally just dive through, wondering all the while if my arms would give out (he’s a very solid 3 year old!), and Lucas was shouting with pure joy.
Then he looked at me with his chubby little grin and said “I am so happy.”
Well, buddy, if you are then so am I. How simple is that?

2008-06-30T18:13:00.003-04:00

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
But I wonder, if Frankie-boy had ever turned around and called her an ugly old bag, or dropped her like a hot potato once he reached the White House, would she have had to add a caveat? “…without your consent. Uh, depending who that person might be.”

Because let’s face it, what she says is true. It is our choice how we feel about anything, everything, how others behave towards us, or the things they say. And if we feel inferior, it is because we are allowing ourselves to feel so. We have chosen to feel that way.
We are supposed to use our self-esteem and self-confidence to know our self worth and realise that the thing said/done against us has more to do with the issues the person who said/did it is facing, rather than with the person it is directed at.

But…and of course there’s a but!....if that person is someone you love and trust and respect, someone whose advice and counsel you rely on, when that person tells you that you are worthless…well, what are you supposed to think?
It is still ultimately true that it is more a reflection of them than of you, but how can you not take it to heart at the time?

When you love and trust another person, you automatically hand them the power to hurt you. Like it or not. And it’s WAY hard to get past. You have to go through a whole exercise of picking up the shreds of your ego and putting it back together again. Desperately trying to remember exactly why you ever thought you were worth it in the first place.
And the next step is to withdraw that automatically bestowed consent.
Learn your lesson properly and that person will never be able to make you feel inferior again.

As it turns out, Mrs. Roosevelt was also the person that inspired ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me’, which is a modern bastardisation of her quote, “If someone betrays you once, it is their fault; if they betray you twice, it is your fault.”
Oh yeah, Eleanor definitely knew she needed that caveat.

Dud...but then....

2008-06-28T17:48:00.002-04:00

Last night was the big party for the Newport to Bermuda yacht race. Usually such a great party…this year, not so much.
I really wasn’t in the mood for a party but got dragged along by Jillian and Michelle…all Jillian had to say was, “Steeeppphhhh….” and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to stay at home and wallow in misery in peace!
And of course I’m glad I went. It’s another one of those events where you see people you haven’t seen since the last time. Ridiculous considering we live on 26 square miles and you could fit our entire population into a football stadium! So last night was catch up with the yachties night…and a chance to ogle at some very yummy sailors!!
And you can never be miserable for long when you’re out with that pair. Jillian and I could have a laugh regardless where we are, but with Michelle for entertainment…well, let’s just say that Michelle is done after just 2 drinks, really, that’s kind of her limit…a bit of a lightweight. Thing is, she doesn’t stop there and she gets extra flirtatious when she’s drunk…there is no entertainment quite like drunk Michelle.
But the party itself was a real flop. The yachty crowd were not mingling as much as usual. The bar situation was really badly organised and it took AGES to get a drink. And there was a certain social element in attendance that gave it a seedy, dangerous edge. They were probably drawn by one of the bands, Home Grown, who play a pretty hardcore reggae set, and since it was free and security was completely absent, they were out in force. I heard this afternoon that there was a stabbing later in the night. I can only hope that the gangs were infighting and it wasn’t some hapless visitor who was victim.
The other band, the only one that we saw, are called Secret Po Po. I saw them recently in the back room at Docksiders and was most impressed. They range in age between 17 and 19, and yet they have a varied playlist and an impressive stage presence. Unfortunately last night they sounded tinny and the lead singer off key. Maybe it was the set up, maybe the outdoor staging, maybe just a bad day at the office. Shame.
After 2 Corona Light (or sorry is it ‘Lite’ =S) and a very crappy glass of (ug) chardonnay, I’d had enough, so had Jillian. Not so Michelle! With here raring to go into town we left her in like-minded company and started to head out.
So a night I thought I wouldn’t enjoy at all, in fact resisted to the last minute, turned out to be just fine, fun in fact, despite the event itself being a dud.
Now, recently I’ve been putting a lot of things aside, not just painting, or laundry, or cleaning the bathtub. But people too. And tonight, in addition to actually having fun, 2 things happened to turn the night around in a big way.
First, earlier in the evening I got a call from my friend John in Sweden. Haven’t spoken to him in a little while since I told him I was committed elsewhere….ha! Anyways he’s missed me and still wants to come visit! It may be too late now to arrange a visit for the summer but Christmas is the next idea, and if I make it to Scotland (as is the vague plan, shhhhh! don’t say anything to my mum and dad) John will fly over to Edinburgh to meet me there. Just a shame this summer’s visit may not pan out due to a whole pile of bullshit.
And second, just as Jillian and I were deciding to leave I got a call from CK, my old FWB, who I have been ignoring due to the same pile of bullshit mentioned before. He came and picked me up and as we walked Jillian to her car she turned around to see us holding hands (WELL…it has been a while and all!) and said she wished she had a camera! Erm…no. But it sure was good to see him again. And at least I woke up with a smile this morning!

The Monday morning blues?...It's Wednesday evening!!!!

2008-06-26T00:08:00.003-04:00

I am definitely using writing as a catharsis just now. And a distraction plus focus rolled in one. These days if I am not doing something I am completely focused on I find myself wandering around the apartment, with laundry piling up, cleaning chores not doing themselves, pressing matters not taken care of and, dammit, food not cooking itself! How I wish I could lose myself in any one of those tasks. Of course, also wish I was a better writer so that it might be worth it…oh well.

Over the past few months I have also found it difficult to settle into my usual evening/weekend pastimes. There has been a sense of anticipation that made it almost impossible to sit still enough to paint, read or play the piano. It had seemed worth it, a little hiatus, a vacation if you will, whilst I waited for something more important to play out.

How I wish I could settle down to them now. I will have to re-read whole chapters just to remind myself exactly where Robert the Bruce was when I last left him. I will have to have every door and window shut tight when I finally sit down at the piano, only to spare the neighbours the sound of my rusty mistakes. My paintings in progress are covered in a fine layer of dust and I barely remember what I was doing with them.

“So! Just get on with it!” I hear you say.
Good news is that I actually managed to get one load of laundry in the washer…whites….yay! Edited to add: AND in and out of the dryer!
But I simply can’t focus on any of it. The Bruce was, last I remember, having a raging, blatant affair with Christina of the Isles whilst his wife languishes under English guard, but I know I had gotten beyond that and FFS I don’t want to have to go back to that part again. I have WAY too many romantic songs in my pathetic repertoire, which sound merely melancholic right now, even when plunked out so poorly (or maybe that is why?) And I feel too inadequate even to pick up my brushes to paint something for Lucas’s birthday…never mind finish the painting that is Danielle’s wedding gift.

I hate what has happened.

I went round to Bruce’s for a shot of ‘reality’ and felt not SO bad…but home again and yeah, still no answers. Can’t even bother combing the rat tails out of my hair following my shower…feel lucky I even managed a shower!

Maybe there’s someone out there who wants a smelly, dread-locked and disillusioned woman? Never know, might get lucky with that. I’ll keep you posted.

Meet my friends....

2008-06-25T08:52:00.005-04:00

The 2008 Annual Round the Island Seagull Race was held this past Saturday.

This is the first year that I have not been either a) racing, b) crash-boating, or c) timing boats in....I was too busy having a melt down, or something. I eventually decided to go down for the after-party to cheer myself up, and it was worth it for Alison's t-shirt alone!...'Will sell husband for wine' indeed.

As I left the house to head down to the boat club late in the afternoon, I could already hear the music and the shouting....no one can talk at a normal sound level after having been stuck next to a Seagull engine all day!...besides they are, of course, all completely intoxicated.It's always a great chance to see people...some you only see once a year for this event...they come out of the woodwork a couple of weeks prior to spiff up the boat and get the engine in working order. And at the end of the evening, with the BBQ over and the prizes handed out, they p-ting their way into the sunset, until next year.Since I don't have a great story and a ton of beautiful photographs I thought I'd include this YouTube link to the LookTV video of last year's race http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6owwo_m4QNo&feature=PlayList&p=60F62AD7F79C9E20&index=0 It's an absolute classic! For full drunken entertainment value you have to watch to the end...and I love the one girl's remark in the comments section, "they're all drunk". 10 out of 10 for observation.

Sauna anyone?

2008-06-24T23:08:00.003-04:00

My tan is proof that we have certainly had some gorgeous weather...but summer kicked in with a bang last week. We never get that actually hot here in Bermuda. Our summer highs are really quite comfortable in the high F80's, rarely going over F90, and being an island we have the blessing of sea breezes...being a very narrow island those breezes reach everywhere.
Sounds idyllic doesn't it?
Maybe it would be if it wasn't for the humidity. It's damp in the winter...making it feel colder than it actually is...and in the summer? whoa! sauna.

Tonight we sat in the garden at Minton for a farewell dinner for Lucy, who is heading home to Mexico to tend to her cancer-ridden mother who has just been given a very poor prognosis.
It was a bittersweet occasion. Many people were congratulating Bruce and Lucy on their newly announced engagement. And we had a cake...with sparklers!!! smuggled into the island by a friend and donated for the occasion....household fireworks are illegal in Bermuda! =(.....to celebrate Lucy's 30th birthday. Which we were supposed to celebrate next week. And as always the food was amazing and the company...er, entertaining! Ha ha! Anyone who has had dinner at Bruce's knows what I mean!
But still. The farewell part. We know we will see Lucy again soon...hasta la pronto, I think she said? But as we sat there, with Lucy feeling terrible, but putting a brave face on, and I trying to reassure her that, of course she was doing the right thing, she said in her charmingly broken English, '' The problem is, I don't know what to feel. I don't want to go so soon after I arrived and I want to come back as soon as possible. But I know that coming back will mean my mother is gone.''
What do you say to that???
I looked her in the eyes, as they teared up, and said ''You have to do what you must. And you will be strong for your mother. You will give her joy by being there and that is the greatest thing you can do for her at the moment.''
She nodded. How inadequate it seemed.

I'm sorry. What was my original point???? Oh yes, humidity!! In the past few days the humidity has sat in the 90's. % that is for those of you that don't have to deal with it.
Everything is wet. My hair won't dry. A towel used for a shower the day before is still damp when you reach for it.
Tonight sitting in the garden it was actually palpable. You could feel the wetness settling on your skin...exactly like it was starting to sprinkle with rain, but the sky was clear.
Yes. Summer is here. And all good Bermudians, having moaned all winter about the cold (sorry all northeners), will now start to moan about the heat. Especially the humidity!
I keep reminding myself that my grandmother always said that humidity is a skin's best friend.
And I have to admit that I am only bothered by it Monday through Friday....if I didn't have to work in it maybe I wouldn't mind it at all.

But, no. I, like all other Onions, I'm bitching...hard...

Taken last week not last night but this Lecia, Lucy, Bruce and I.....

Childhood on the beach

2008-06-22T22:46:00.008-04:00

It's been a while now since it became an expected activity to spend Sunday afternoons with Jillian and her 3 year-old son, Lucas, at the beach.

Seeing his pure joy at each new discovery, at simply standing in the surf, or digging a hole in the sand really takes me back in time. I don't have too many actual memories of myself at that age (tho tons of my brothers) but there are many photographs to show I did exactly the same thing. Everytime I look at them it gives me a warm feeling to know I had such a fresh-air, sun, sand and sea filled childhood, with a father who was willing to stand with me in the surf, much as Jillian does (and me too...we have to take turns....it's boring for us at our advanced age!!)

Lucas has been getting braver every week, more willing to stand in a bit of surf by himself....to want to wander off looking for a rock pool to sit in, by himself....to actually touch that shed crab shell.

Today we finally swam ''in the blue water''. Myself be willing, and Jillian not so much, I waded out with Lucas clinging to me like a leech...squealing with every fresh splash...wait, maybe that was me?....and we spent a good part of the afternoon jumping in the swell. And with his chubby little toddler legs gripped around my waist and a stranglehold around my neck he kept saying, ''Don't worry, I got you''. Bless.

Eventually he relaxed enough to lay on the surface with me holding him up. I told him to kick and whirled him in circles to shouts of delight at the fact that he was ''swimming so fast!''

I wish so much that I had video of that, mainly for myself, but in a way it doesn't matter because I know that I am a part of creating memories for a child that he will never forget.

Last week the wind picked up a piece of paper he had been holding and blew it a few feet away. ''Quick, quick!'' we both said, ''Get it!'' And that child chased that piece of paper halfway down the beach on his tiny little legs, zig-zagging, stopping and starting, and every now and then looking back to see where Mummy was. Mummy and Aunty Steph were still sitting where he'd left them, on their beach towels.....peeing themselves laughing.

Mummy did eventually go stop him but by that time he had the whole beach in stitches as well!

Seriously? How lucky are we to live on such a beautiful island? Where we can stand in the surf, laugh, paddle in rock pools and swim in 'blue water' and all the while creating life-long memories in such a simple way.

And Lucas will never know it but he saved me today. He took my mind away from a bunch of shitiness and told me what I needed to hear ''Don't worry, I got you.'' From the mouths of babes.

FYI: Today Jillian did eventually rise to the occasion and for the first time this year actually entered the sea. Good job buddy!

To those who may or may not be concerned...

2008-06-21T01:22:00.007-04:00

I may or may not be a complete idiot.
The truth is yet to be unmasked.
When one believes in love one always opens oneself up for hurt or disappointment. When one feels the need to query it over and over again....hmmm, bordering on dumb.
But I'm blonde so ...bear with me... I mean, how much questioning do you actually have to do when looking for someone to love?
Uh, LOTS.
I always look at things first in the context as friends...good thing for all the ladies and maybe why I have so many wonderful girlfriends...but it's a great way to get to know guys too...I mean, really, if there's anything else to it you'll find out soon enough!
A good friend told me not so long ago to start looking outside of my own 'locality'. Let's face it, Bermuda ain't the greatest when it comes to the dating pool.
I took her advice and started looking outside the box.
It has gotten me ooooohhhh lots of 'chances'...it has actually made me a few friends...and it has disappointed me in a big way x3.
Once of those 3 has actually broken my heart.
Box, wherefore art thou box....me needst to know thy boundaries...me needst to know the rules of the 'playas'!!!!
I've had a really rough few weeks (not that you'd know by the OH so frequent updates =P, so, um oops!) but someone who has held my hand, walked and talked me through it all, offered all kinds of remote, and monetary, and emotional, and physical support has turned out to be someone I cannot rely on. In the least. In fact, determined by his heretofore unknown circumstances, I will no doubt never hear from him again. Sorry 'long term partner'.
Well, go figure!
The thing is, we all know that losing a friend, in no matter what context, hurts. Losing somenone you love...no telling the pain.
But in an internet or cyber (wtf ever!) kind of love it seems to be 'yeah, double that with a side of 'I told you so' from the cheap seats.
Well, but wait, I really thought there was something there!
I'm sorry, Idiot was it?
okthanks.

Good grief, how long has it been?????

2008-06-13T22:02:00.002-04:00

A friend who recently moved to the UK emailed me today and said that he had stumbled across this blog! It's great 'cause we're back in touch and he has added me to Facebook, and later this afternoon his wife added me as well. Now, Ann and I were really close when we were young...her grandparents lived just up the road from us and she and her brother spent a lot of time there and were close with my bro and me. Rob moved to the neighbourhood a while later and we all used to spent a lot of time in his parent's basement area playing music. Yes.

They hooked up sometime while I was in the UK and by the time I came back to Bermuda they had made a move to London where Rob busked the subways and such.

They came back to Bermuda raised a young family but have decided that they'd rather raise their kids in the UK, without the bigotry that can pervade every facet of life in Bermuda, but especially the school system. So off to Old Blighty again. And they seem so settled and happy, and I am so happy for them.

Never fear, they are people that I will always hold in my heart and always be happy to see, along with their lovely family. I miss knowing that they are in Bermuda...in the rather unfortunate way that Bermudians often feel, but take for granted!

The product of an environment where people are constantly coming and going...and sometimes coming and going again!

Oooh George!

2007-07-19T14:52:00.000-04:00

----- Original Message ----
From: Danielle Parker
To: Stephanie Hunter
Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2007 8:40 AM
Subject: FW: Warning to all Women....

This Could Happen To You..... It Could Happen To Your Mother, Your Sister,Your Daughter or your best friend. So please warn all the women you care about.The strangest thing happened to me at lunch today.
I was sitting at a localoutdoor cafe having lunch by myself and two men came and sat down at mytable. I gave them the death look, but they just casually stayed at my table andwouldn't leave me alone. I shined up my wedding ring then placed my hand onthe table and I hinted to them that I was married and that I was just notinterested in them. Luckily for me they got the hint and left, butthankfully the whole thing was captured on the Cafe's camera. I'm sending you this picture as a warningjust in case they try and pick you up too.
Honestly, some men think they're God's gift .

From: Stephanie Hunter
To: Danielle Parker
Oi! That's my two ex-boyfriends you're talking about there!

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From: Danielle Parker
To: Stephanie Hunter
Hope they weren’t two timing me at the time with you!!!
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From: Stephanie Hunter

To: Danielle Parker
No, no sweetie...I kicked them to the curb well before you came along.

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From: Danielle Parker
To: Stephanie Hunter
Phew because obviously I’ve remained firm friends with them both…but had that been the case I might have had a few words to say.
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From: Stephanie Hunter
To: Danielle Parker
Oh of course. Don't worry, I speak to them both everyday and they admit to being somewhat fond of you still. They say it's just a shame you were so smelly.

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From: Danielle Parker

To: Stephanie Hunter
Yes but do they tell you ‘smelly’ in a good way… a bit like a rose bush I believe they once told me.
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From: Stephanie Hunter

To: Danielle Parker

A bit like old socks I believe they said....or was it old man's farts...whichever. The other day we were all out on the yacht and they were arguing about it...can't remember which one they settled on. Then of course Ang came and took Brad down below to see the children and George and I had a skinny-dip for old time's sake. Good times.

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From: Danielle Parker

To: Stephanie Hunter

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Bruce's 43 Birthday Weekend

2007-07-18T14:20:00.000-04:00

This past weekend Bruce's sister, Lisa, and I threw a big bash for Bruce's
birthday...at his house, so no surprise for him. The surprise for us turned
out to be that Bruce had spent the previous few days inviting everyone he saw, so the numbers climbed quickly. Luckily Lisa and I reserved our panic in case we actually did run out of food on the night (instead of spending the week in a blind panic which was the first reaction), because, as is typical, plenty of people didn't make it and there was tons of food. I'm still eating it in fact!

Anyway, Lisa had a friend make a cake with the RISR logo on it,
including the motto: Once is not enough. Oh yeah????

The heat, the noise, the cooking...oh and I burnt my legs and feet when
the fish sauce poured out of the pan....well it was all just too much for me.

And Bruce brought out this funky little number to perform some
initiations into the "Fun-de-mental-ist Church of the Wasted (K)Nights
of Minton"....we made $14 which is our biggest offertory so far!

And of course everyone had a blast so my headache and blistered
legs were worth it.

The next day Tim took our hangovers for a lovely relaxing

afternoon out on the Iridio. We sat off in Paradise lakes for a while....
swimming and drinking...and then it was decided to troll around the
Sound before heading home.

We caught a lot of Bermuda rock fish....and on one occasion we could

not free the lure. Bruce had to dive in and unhook it which took a fair amount of effort with all that red wine in him. Plus, there's no fixed
ladder on Iridio so Tim had to man handle Bruce back into the boat.

I was relaxed anyway....finally!

After all the excitement it was a lovely cocktail cruise
back home

and I had earned my t-shirt again.
Cool.

And completely apros pro of nothing.....frangipani.

Seagulls and blue water

2007-06-28T14:55:00.000-04:00

This past Saturday was the annual Round the Island Seagull Race and it was quite a day.

I spent the day crash-boating on the infamous 'Nazcar' whose previous owner, Chris, had recently proclaimed it worthy of needing its own crash boat. I wasn't impressed. But since my captain was to be Graham P, one of Bermuda's best marine mechanics, and I was assured that we would stay only on the North Shore and not have to battle the South Shore, I agreed to go along. Much to my dismay North Shore was so sloppy and choppy that it was impossible to sit in without feeling sick....unless you got drunk instead. So guess what I did? It did not involve heaving over the side I can assure you!

We had headed out onto the water early thinking that we would anchor off at Gibbets Island and have some lunch but that plan was abandoned in the face of huge South Shore-like swells that rhythmically and constantly tipped the boat from gunnel to gunnel. Heading back west we found it relatively calm in Deep Bay, threw the hook over and prepared to worship the sun gods while we waited for the first dulcet "p-ting, ting, ting" to come our way.

I had needed a pee for a while so I stepped over the stern onto the ladder platform thinking to have a wee swim and empty the tank. Until the first wave and spray shot up my leg. I'm a complete wuss at the best of times and usually don't venture into the sea until it is more like bathwater, mid-July-ish. This was more like arctic. They say the sea temperature is just a few degrees below normal for the year...me and my sorry, wet, frozen ass beg to differ. Much to Graham's amusement I jumped back over the stern shivering and wrapped myself up until I thawed out a bit.

Finally we heard the first boat. I ran up to the bow to pull up the anchor and heard words no-one ever wants to hear, "Wait a sec Steph, the boat won't start." I stood there holding the rope and barely holding my temper/panic while Graham pumped gas to the engine and much to my relief the engine finally kicked into life. We headed out into the gnarly water to try and spot the source of the p-tings and discovered that it was moving at a very fast pace and was already way beyond us. Almost immediately we spotted another boat on the horizon and buzzed off to see who it was.

I KNOW!!! It looks so lovely and calm, doesn't it?
Well it wasn't. According to the racers, South Shore was beautiful, smooth sailing all the way. North Shore was the bitch this year.

As evidence that the sea was not as calm as it appears, here is the aptly named 'SeaSwallow' bailing maniacally to keep afloat.

The first boat we saw turned out to be the infamous Captain Cruel, aka Bruce, with Pirate Pete, one of the New Zealanders who made it up from down'unda this year. They did the race in a
traditional Bermuda dingy, the first time in a long time for the Captain...and according to him
"never again". I guess it was a little slow...not quite the warp speed he's used to in a flea hull. Anyway, this beautiful boat is named 'Legless' and this turned out to be incredibly appropriate as no sooner did the Pirate reach land, he found a cool, grassy spot on the neighbouring beach and passed out! Apparently Pirates shouldn't drink Pimms whilst circumnavigating a small country! He's changed his name to Pete the Wimp in the aftermath.

Unbeknownst to us two Canadian expatriates had decided to launch a challenge against the Brits and the first we knew of it was when they zoomed past with their flag flying high...and causing some drag I'd imagine, though it didn't seem to hurt them any....they won. Not that I'd be biased in any way of course *cough cough* but the Brits did seem to know how to garner support, flashing everyone as they passed and managing not to 't-bone' us while also managing to pass us a lovely bottle of red wine from a case they had on board. Rumour has it that the race was very nearly nose-to-nose at the finish line and the British Captain ordered his crew overboard in an effort to lighten the vessel and nip the competition. Other reports state that they were both drunk and when they dropped their flag they both jumped over to retrieve it! Frankly, I could believe either but I think the amount of alcohol being imbibed on land had the spectators confused. I happen to know for a fact that the Pirate was ordered overboard by Captain Cruel as he has been a bit upset by the loss of his "sunnies" ever since! Mind you, it wouldn't be the first time more than one flag got lost, or more than one person ended up overboard.

And thankfully it won't be the last. That's entertainment!

Cindy & Graham's Wedding

2007-06-20T16:00:00.001-04:00

Cindy & Graham's Wedding, originally uploaded by hogfishbeacon.

Cindy and Graham got married on the 1st June 2007. It was a beautiful day and everyone looked beautiful. We had beautiful settings for the ceremony, the photos and the reception. We ate beautiful food and drank beautiful wine. The cake melted in the heat but was still beautiful. And as wonderful as that all is, the most important thing was how beautiful the sentiment was.
Beautiful!

More Nuptials!

2007-05-29T17:31:00.000-04:00

Two of my best friends got engaged two weeks ago after a seven year "courtship"....and are getting married this coming Friday!
I am thrilled but am also a bit frazzled...and nervous. The whole bridesmaid thing is nerve-wracking.
I know we''ll have fun in the end though and here's praying for blue skies on the day!
More to come...with photos too!
Still no internet at work though...three weeks now I think. I am in serious withdrawal and sneaking on to friends' computers whenever possible!
Someone came by today and hopefully we will be set up soon.
Can't wait!

1,000,000,000 times

2007-05-02T10:39:00.000-04:00

That's how many times today I have already wanted to eff off a certain somebody.
And it's only 11:30am. Grrrrrrrr.
On the brighter side, I am wearing my new jeans and I LOVE them!
Also, I had to stop on the way to work to buy a new helmet. There is no way I could wear Dr. O's for a week. I think it was bad enough that I wore it home last night and into town this morning as I had to hold it on at the strap with one hand. When I had to let go to use the brake the helmet would fling back threatening to come off completely....or decapitate me.
Anyway, it was only forcing me to do something I should have done months ago, right after my accident. Whenever you choose/decide/are forced to stop a moving vehicle with your helmet...with your head still inside naturally....it is recommended that you replace the helmet as it might have sustained unseen stress fractures and therefore might not protect your head again should you decide to repeat this method of coming to a halt.
FYI: It is also recommended that you not use this method of coming to a halt.
In related news: The latest repercussion from my accident was discovered on my check-up with the eye doctor, Dr. LTB, a couple of weeks ago. Can you believe that I am still suffering the consequences of an accident that took place at the end of January....this is the beginning of May for f*cks sake!
Anyway...I had seen Dr. LTB right after the accident to make sure that everything was OK. What with the bang I took, the cuts and bruises around my eye, the concussion and the fracture to my cheek bone, and the fact that I am prone to weak spots in my retina, we figured it's better safe than sorry. Everything seemed fine initially, he couldn't tell much because there was too much internal swelling and a large contusion on my main eye muscle, but he wasn't too concerned. It was kinda hard to know how much of my vision trouble was being caused by the bruising etc as opposed to the concussion. Regardless, he booked me for an eye function test a few weeks later, to make sure the swelling was going down and the eye muscle was working properly. Once again everything seemed fine and in fact I apparently have exceptional depth perception! Woo hoo for hidden talents!! The technician said that Dr. LTB would want to see me again to make sure that everything had healed properly inside the eye. I don't know if you have ever had a "proper" eye exam, where they first numb your eye so that you can't feel the peeper thingie (technical terminology) the doctor places on your eye ball, then they dilate your pupils so that he can see right into your eye. I was told once that it is the closest one can get to looking at the brain without opening up the skull, because, right behind your eyeball?.....that there is your brain. It's horrible, the numbing and dilating, and it takes a while. But of course there are plenty of magazines and a TV in the waiting room...oh, but wait!....you can't focus when your eyes are dilated! You'll find me in the parking lot, smoking, when the doctor's ready, thanks.
But I digress. As it turned out I had to postpone my appointment three times due to one thing or another, all work related, and I was beginning to wonder if I really needed to bother, everything seemed fine. My eyes were still over-sensitive but I had had no problems with my vision. In the end I once again thought it was better to be safe than sorry and went along. Now, Dr. LTB is a lovely man, very nice and kind, but he's a man of few words and doesn't chat during the exam except to give you directions. So when he started "Hmmm-ing" and "Oh-ing" amid the "Look up/down/left/right-ing", I got a bit concerned. As it turns out, the retina had been pulled away from the eye wall by the internal swelling and as the swelling went down the retina was left stretched away. Holy crap! I had a detached retina! Because it was detached so far down it had not impacted my vision and I would have continued to be unaware of it until it actually tore. And that would have been a very serious problem indeed! I need to be able to see to light my cigarettes and fill my wine glass....and watch Gray's Anatomy.
Since it was late afternoon and he only had a few more patients to see, he had me wait and was able to patch me up right away.....and I managed not to have a complete panic attack. But it was so late when we finished that all the staff had gone and I missed the usual post-visit attention I get from the nurses. Apparently my pupils open unusually large under dilation and stay that way for ages longer than most people (woo hoo for another hidden talent!) and the nurses like to have a look in (nurses are so weird!). This gives me time to let the eye-watering ease up and for the numbness to wear off so I can look from side to side. And this is very useful because it's hard enough driving home when you can't focus, but when you can't look from side to side it's damn near impossible.
I guess I should get some work done now......

Aaargghhhh!

2007-05-01T14:18:00.000-04:00

Gosh I'm in a foul mood now.
On the way to work this morning I put my feet down from the bike at the first stop sign I encountered and as I lifted them back up again the right foot felt a bit strange. Well, not so much the foot as the shoe. I looked down and lifted the foot a bit and sure enough the sole of the shoe was coming off! It got worse each time I had to put my feet down and by the time I was trying to walk up the path at work it was completely off except for the heel. I had to drag my foot along the ground sideways in order not to trip. Of course, I could also have taken the shoe off and walked the last few yards with one bare foot. But that would have been too much like common sense.
I'm really just amazed that I didn't break my neck coming down the stairs at home!
Then, at lunch time I decided to go into town. And that right there is enough to ruin anyone's day! But I really wanted to check this one place out.....one of the big department store's newly opened 'discount' outlet. Thought I'd go on in and see if there was anything worth it in there or if it was just going to be the dregs...the completely un-sellable stuff.
It's a bit of both. There is some stuff that just should never have been for sale in a store ever, anywhere, no matter how discounted. But there's also some nicer stuff...the very last of certain items. I found a few gems and headed for the dressing room, where some of those gems turned out to be plastic baubles. But there were three items I was quite thrilled with, including a pair of jeans which I LOVED and which is particularly unusual for me. Being a dyed in the wool....or denim, (ha ha I'm so funny!)...Levis girl I rarely find jeans, or any other kind of casual trouser, that I like and that fits and are long enough and that I can afford outside of the Levis store. So, this was a real find and I headed out of the dressing room, really happy and thinking about my first chance to wear them....I'd have to do it soon as jeans weather is very nearly over.
I get up to the counter and the sales lady begins ringing up my sale and then starts fiddling with the security device on the jeans.....and couldn't get it off. Then I cried. They are going to try another way of getting the device off and call me. But.....DAMN!!
So, I was late back to work because I spent so much time looking round the stupid store, and it took a long time to drive back to work whilst sobbing.
When I got back I went around to the back door which we all use to come and go, leaving the front door for the patients. And...and...Oh.My.God. There was a huge f*ck off lizard on the corner of the building, just at the narrowest part of the path. Needless to say I quietly had a heart attack and ran back to the front door. Screw the patients.
Now, FYI, work is making me stressed and annoyed these days regardless as I am on the outs with the office manager since a big blow up we had last week. He owes me a bloody apology and for some reason I can't seem to get past that. Well, Dr. O had asked Office Manager to do some sort of favour for him this morning....I have no clue what but somehow it has ended up in OM leaving Dr. O's helmet somewhere. Dr. O went out to ride his bike home to get ready for his flight this afternoon, and lo and behold, no helmet! He has had to borrow mine to get home while OM goes to retrieve Dr. O's so that I have a helmet to wear home. Problem is that Dr. O won't be back until next week, so I have to ride around with a helmet that we don't even know will fit me...for a week! Bugger! Bloody Office Manager!
Add to all that, my nose is bugging me so much that I swear I would chop it off if I could. Hide all the knives.
I am suffering from allergies to a previously unheard of extent. Yesterday, as I sniffed my way through a conversation with Dr. O in a voice so nasal I seriously sounded like some sort of cartoon character, he asked me what I was taking and how long had it been now. I told him that it had been about a week now but I wasn't taking anything. He gave me such an exasperated look that it shamed me into going to the chemist and picking up some nasal spray and some tablets. Well, they're working. I can breathe through my nostrils again. But the itchy, irritated, sneezy, soreness is killing me!
And now it is just about time to go home and I haven't had one email all day. Not one. Not even work related (rare at the best of times anyway).
Nobody loves me today. Not even my Mummy?!
Lucky for me I have a bottle of wine at home with my name on it.
Edited to Add: The shop just called and they got the security thingie off of my jeans! Yay! AND they're open until 5:30 so I have time to get there to pick them up! Yay!
Maybe tomorrow will be better.

It never rains....

2007-04-24T11:17:00.000-04:00

....but it pours. And it SUCKS!
After a period of being on my own (with only the odd interlude here and there) there are suddenly three prospects at my door.
C is fun, funny, zany, drop dead body and crazy good looking. Life would be hilarious with C and I wouldn't have to grow *the hell* up, I could stay wacky and carefree and just enjoy all the manly hotness. But? He's a bit dippy. Not actually stupid by any means, but...um...dizzy....like the stereotypical blonde (hellooo! I can say that!). And he's too focused on his training right now, too busy. And....I think he might be playing games. Too bad because he's exactly what I like. Well, without the dizzy. Or the busy. Or..or the games.
OK. I actually don't want him at all.
Next!
M is nice, cute, funny, great company. He's got a good job (so does C just forgot to mention it 'cause of all the hotness and dippiness), he's responsible. He's also keen. He's boyfriend material. He lacks the zaniness that makes C irresistible, but he's definitely not playing games.
Then?
M2. M2 is nice, good looking, nice dresser, very intelligent. He seems to have a pretty good sense of humour. Seems quite straight though. He says he's not a big drinker and anyone who knows me knows that could be a problem! But I'm reserving judgement on that 'cause when I saw him last Friday the boy was fully loaded. He's got a very good job, I mean....make my Dad happy kind of good job (seriously, if I told my Dad only their names and occupations, he'd kick the others to the curb and walk this one straight to the church without even blinking). He's keen, no games here for sure.
I'm seeing them all this week.
First, tonight, C. This may be the last time. Tonight I will make up my mind whether or not I am being played. If I am? See ya! If he's just too busy training for the BIG THING in June, I will put it on hold till after that, and then we'll see. May be too late by then. M or M2 may beat him out.
So. What sucks?
I am sick.
I have got a horrible cold and have virtually lost my voice. I may have to put the Ms off till next week.
Hmmm.....maybe they're mistaking my flemmy growl for a sexy, husky drawl.
Oh...and you know what else sucks? They are all Canadian. And for some reason I have a terrible track record with Canadian men!

Invitation Only...

2007-04-23T14:21:00.001-04:00

Invitation Only..., originally uploaded by hogfishbeacon.

When you look back at the photos taken over the weekend you really have to wonder sometimes....wh...wha...whaaa????

On Saturday night I headed into town rather late to see a band...not just any ole band....I knew a few of these guys. A few of my brother's friends, and some others, who started jammin' together a while back. Every now and then they would put on a little show at friends' weddings, parties etc. And then one night performing for a friend's birthday they were asked by the bar owner if they would like to do an official gig there. Well, why not?

And so, "The Go Down Berries" live at Docksiders this past Saturday. The name? Don't ask. But...but... my brother told me that they had nicknamed all the wives and girlfriends (who were out on the dancefloor like all good groupies) the "Go Down Girls". Hee hee!

I was impressed. They had a pretty good sound but I also really liked the playlist. Something for everyone, from The Grateful Dead to Counting Crows to old school reggae Gregory Issacs' Night Nurse and classic Van Morrison. And anyone who has been to more than one concert, of any size or type, knows that a bad playlist can ruin the whole show.

It was really good to see so many people that I don't get the chance to see much any more. My brother and his friends are a pretty tight knit group and they see A LOT of each other but, since the advent of children, most of the socializing goes on in each others' homes. Gone are the days of me running into them carousing around the bars in town. Some of my brothers' friends have been around so long and they seem part of the family....I miss the old sound of "Hey, sistah woman!!" across a crowded bar if they spotted me. There were also some of my old crowd there as well and it's always great to see them too and catch up.

Mainly it was nice for me to get to spend an evening in my brothers' company, especially one where he doesn't have somewhere else he has to be, like, ten minutes ago! He's so friggin busy that it's rare. He's just returned from a whitewater rafting trip in Costa Rica and I hate it when he's away...I guess he's kind of my touchstone and I like knowing that, even if we don't see as much of each other as I'd like to on a regular basis, if I need him I can call and he'll be there. Besides, I think he was the only person who managed to have his 'invitation only' card stuck on his forhead the right side up. The rest of us are just idiots! I'm also sorry that for some reason I can't get this damn photo to load so that it's me and my bro...instead of me an Cracks!

And after all that.....

2007-04-16T11:21:00.001-04:00

Ceremony, originally uploaded by hogfishbeacon.

So much bother in the run up to the big day....about 40 heart attacks the morning of....practically killing myself to get up to Southampton and then back to Devonshire....and the thousand minor problems that cropped up and either got solved or ignored depending on importance and ability to solve.....and in the end it was all just lovely, and so worth it.
We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day. Karen looked gorgeous and all the men looked so smart. The venue looked spectacular, the food was delicious, the speaches were short and funny and everyone had a blast.
What a great day!

Lonley

2007-04-16T10:57:00.000-04:00

Drifting in the provoking silences of the night
I think magical, haunting thoughts
remember, and dream, and drink.
The silence is beautiful, maddening,
needed and loud.
And the lost sound of others' sleep
is loudest and most intruding.
Mother and Father in their marital bed.
The child in the cot, the brother beside me.
The pictures remain vivid but don't make a sound.
The music might blare, the frogs might sing.
Even wind and nearby sea have a voice
and the traffic on the street.
But the perfect sound of other peoples' sleep eludes me.

Why am I nervous?

2007-03-20T15:29:00.000-04:00

I mean apart from the fact that I am a particularly anxiety-riddled person.
I'm not the one getting married in 4 days.
I'm not the one with less than a week to finalize thousands of details, small and large.
But every now and then I get the feeling of butterflies and this morning I woke up in a mild panic about things still to be done.
I guess I just feel uber-responsible for the projects that I did take on to help KT. I want everything to be perfect for their big day and I would die if something I was supposed to have done wasn't, or fell apart on the day, or caused some big furor or controversy. Oh god. I'm getting myself all in a tizz again.
KT's coming over after work to check out the headpiece I have created and I really hope she likes it...and I really hope it's enough to show up in all of that hair!
Next is to complete the bridesmaid's headpiece which is going to be very difficult as I have not had one conversation with her about it. KT and I have just kind of decided how she'll wear her hair and how we'll 'decorate' it. Apparently as KT was telling her what we planned she smiled and nodded her head repeatedly, which is probably about as much enthusiasm as we're going to get from a 16 year-old.
The Aspargus Fern still has to be cut down to decorate the pillars and Bruce has promised to do this tomorrow. Since he leaves for Anguilla on Thursday I will be royally screwed if he forgets. At the risk of throwing him into a foul temper I will call and remind him tomorrow (Bruce is insulted when reminded to do things despite being someone who constantly and consistently forgets the promises of assistance made after a few glasses of the red). If he doesn't speak to me for a month I don't care as long as we have the fern. Actually, if I'm honest it'd be a bonus!
Add a mountain of laundry that needs to be done, a wedding dinner on Thursday and drinks on Friday...there is very little time left. And yet I am wasting precious minutes moaning about it on the internet!
Arrgh!

Pet Peeve #1

2007-03-20T12:29:00.000-04:00

Well not #1 on the list of my All-Time Pet Peeves, but the first I'm posting and certainly what's irritating me most just now:
People who make it a habit of dropping out of a chat...whether it be on text, email or IM... without so much as a TTYL.
Yeah, J, that'd be you.

Ouch

2007-03-19T14:56:00.000-04:00

I have a bad sunburn.
It was a gorgeous weekend...for the first time in a long time...two beautiful, warm, sunny days. So yesterday I grabbed my book and headed out onto the terrace to enjoy it. Very quickly I felt quite warm so I popped inside to change into a pair of shorts thinking to get some colour on my legs. It wasn't long before I was too warm again, so back in to change into a tank top. At this point, realizing how lilly white I have become over this long, particularly nasty winter, I slathered some lotion on. I don't know what it was, just that it had an SPF number on the bottle. I usually don't have that sort of lotion, the SPF kind, so it was probably sitting there still from my Mum's last visit. But, not really giving it much thought I headed out, settled down with my book and didn't really move for a couple of hours except to turn the pages.
Well, suntan lotions have a shelf life and I think this one must have been well beyond its. Judging from the scarlet that has replaced the lilly white there was no SPF left in that lotion at all and I may as well have coated myself in Crisco.
Most unfortunate is that the neckline of the dress I am wearing to KT's wedding this coming Saturday is quite a bit lower than my new, very precise tan line. I may have to go digging for the fake tan lotion and even it out a little. And keep my fingers crossed that it's not a horrible peeling, patchy mess by then. Argh!
As Bruce pointed out last night, I do this every year...get a burn at the beginning of the season. Usually because I have been trapped on a boat with no cover for longer than expected. But this is March for crying out loud!
And elsewhere in the world...Danielle emailed asking me to send her a photo of the new man as I told her she had met him the summer before last. He happens to be in the Bermuda Regiment. I wrote back, "Don't have a photo yet, but even if I did it couldn't beat the picture I have in my head of him walking up the steps and through the door in full gear...it was like a movie...soldier coming home from war and sweeping the beautiful waiting girl up in his arms. Sigh. Of course that's without the war and the beautiful and the sweeping up in arms bits."
Hee hee. It's true, there's just nothing sexier than a man in uniform!
I wonder if my sun burn qualifies as bad enough to enlist my country's armed forces to send a particular soldier over to slather something cool and soothing all over it....a life saving mission if you will.
Probably not.
Sigh.
I am loving the long evenings at this time of year although it has seemed strange on the cooler nights. It's nice to have enough light at the end of the work day to get out and tend to my 'garden'. I don't actually have a garden, just tons of plants in pots and containers...oh! I have a container garden!
Anyhoo...I bought a whole bunch of plants to fill up the patchy looking pots, and a new batch of herb seedlings to replenish my herb garden, and I might even finally remember to get the Lavender seeds out of the fridge and into starter pots.
Can't wait til 5 o'clock so I can get outta here and get my hands dirty!
And then slip into an icy bath to appease my poor skin.

Food In the Time of Injury

2007-03-15T09:47:00.000-04:00

Back in November I had a severe bout of laryngitis which left my poor throat traumatized and me unable to swallow. Once things settled down there followed a long period of desensitization in which I basically have had to retrain myself to swallow food without my gag reflex kicking in. This meant a soft / liquid diet for quite some time. Including the holiday season and all the wonderful associated foods. I love my food and a baked ham at Christmas has to be my absolute #1 favourite. I felt tortured. I'm still dealing with the emotional repercussions of not having been able to eat vast amounts of pig with a silly paper hat on my head.
Just as I was making progress and enjoying a more normal diet again, fate once more took an unpredictable, somewhat devastating turn.
On my way home from work on Friday, 19th of January, on my scooter in the pouring rain, I had an accident. I rounded a corner on a narrow road and found a car smack dab in the middle of it travelling towards me. I swerved to avoid going straight into it and on the wet road my back wheel went right out from under me. I could feel the bike going down and tried to fight it but, no luck. Most unfortunate was my decision to break my fall with my face. Into the wall.
I was lucky. I had a laceration of my eyebrow, a very scary looking egg on my temple and, as it turned out, a fracture of my orbital floor...the 'cheekbone'. The resulting concussion was horrendous and lasted for a few weeks. Of course there were the usual scrapes, bruises and pulled muscles that come with this sort of accident as well and, all in all, I was laid up for a couple of weeks to recuperate. (Lucky for me, my boss is also my orthopaedic doctor, so he's the one who sent me off work...he can't complain then!)
Anyways, my point was really about the facial fracture. You see it meant I couldn't chew. You see where I'm going right? Yes. Back to a soft / liquid diet. F'n TORTURE I tell you.
It's taken a while to heal up but I'm finally back to near normal...avoid anything with too much of a crunch still, as it sends a shock through my face that practically stands my hair on end...but nearly there.
So I think about food a lot. A lot a lot a lot.
Funny though, early on in this ordeal, I kept saying that if the worst thing that came out of this was that I never eat a big juicy steak again, then that's just not that bad. After all, it's bad for you, right? But. I know that, if you are a meat-eater, you are now thinking about a big juicy steak, done just how you like it. I know you are, 'cause I am too. Every time I tried to console myself that way I'd just end up salivating and fantasizing, fantasizing and salivating.
However, I have felt so different, in my body, lighter, healthier (despite injuries) than I have in along time. And I'm sure it's the lack of beef along with all the other things I had to do to ensure I was getting proper nutrition. I may not go back to beef. We'll see how I make out with that. But I will continue with the V8 and the fruit shots by Vie 'cause they're yummy AND good for you.
During this period, finding myself obsessed with food, the closest I could get to some of my favourites was my recipe book. So I decided to sort it out and discovered some new, some long forgotten recipes that I am dying to try. Sweets, savouries, baked goodies. Can't wait.
And at least now I can eat it all.
If these past events were nature's way of getting me to lose a few pounds? I am about to really mess with that!

And next to my desk today...

2007-03-14T12:22:00.001-04:00

Deflated love, originally uploaded by hogfishbeacon.

Looking very sad on its one month birthday.

About time I just threw it away and ate the chocolates it's tied to.